Is this all fake? Please reas, I am really down

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scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 5/2/2007 1:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone,
 
I was dignosed with depression and anxiety in dec 06
 
I have done countless anxiety and depression tests and always get high scores saying I am suffereing both
 
I am seeing a councillor and was prescribed anti-depressants....
 
But i STILL can't deep down let it sink into my mind that this is what is causing me to be the way I am!
 
I am in such a rut.
 
Due to as you all probabley know by now, feeling totally dodgy and weird towards my boyfrind who has been a great support to me, I have became obsessed with relationships. I know this may sound silly but if:
 
I read/see on tv/hear of a couple (famous or not famous) splitting up I feel really down,teary and awful and think "Well theres no hope for me, I'm doomed.
 
If I read/see/hear of couples lasting,getting over bad patches,being together for years I kind of go on some kind of weird high and think "Yay we can last too" and feel happy and hyper, but this quickly wears off.
 
Also the minute I pick up a magazine/newspaper I skip straight to the problem pages to see whats going on with all the relationships, and then my horoscopes and I ALWAYS seem to find a way to relate it back to me.
 
My councillor has told me a million times why I am feeling like this, but I still go on about everything as if I don't know whats making me like this.
 
She says its typical depression/anxiety and shes seen it a million times in a million people and I'm a classic case. Also the student nurse with he also said this.
 
I sometimes think I don't have anxiety and depression and I just hate my bf for no apparent reason, as I don't feel like this about anyone else. But the minute hes gone I miss him, I think about him all the time and still like cuddling into him etc, so why am I feeling this way??
 
I am in the state of mind at the moment of not believing anything is wrong with me, and I analyse every thought/feeling and emotion that arises.
 
Is this depression or am I infact making this all up and just being an idiot. I am not getting anywhere. I am looking in on a life that isn't mine.
 
I also phoned the docs this morning to see if they could reccomend a good psychiatrist. They said they don't know anyone and don't know where to find one. Where will then, any ideas??
 
Thanks 
** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/2/2007 4:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Scotsgal
I am surprised they could not recommend someone,but since they didn't hit the phone book and go from there.
Keep in mind though sometimes it takes a couple tries to find the one that you are most comfortable with,don't let this discourage you because that is normal.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 5/2/2007 5:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Yea I hope I can find someone who can really help.

I'd just like to know if it is normal to feel like this owards a loved one when suffereing depression, I don't know how to handle it very well as there aren't many resources on this topic, or many people who suffer it or talk about it if they do?

Has anyone else felt like this towards their partner? It had come over me all of a sudden for no apparent reason, and I hate feeling like this but I can't control or stop it either.

My councillor says she has had lots of people with anxiety/depression have this problem and the same as me not know where/why it happened!

Any help would be great!
** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **


scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 5/2/2007 8:32 AM (GMT -7)   
I soo want to cry right now but I can't, I seem to have gone soo downhill right now!
** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **


froggy1011
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 135
   Posted 5/2/2007 11:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Scotsgal,
I used to do that too. Although it may not have been a relationship type of thing I'd read something and it would effect me in such a way that I'd start thinking those type of things that you said. I kinda got rid of that by just getting away from it. Just put down your "People" magazine and read a nice relaxing book. Just get away from it all. Stop reading the things that make you feel like that. Those magazines aren't your bible, and they shouldn't control how you feel when you read them. I know you might feel as if you don't deserve your bf's help, or you think you're always taking and never actually giving back to him, he's there for you, and probably for a long time too. Just calm down, and don't try to over analyze things. You don't have to take my advice, but it helped me. i used to over analyze things and I still do, but if you just stop your self, it'll make you feel better. Atleast a little. I don't know if that helped you, or even made any sense, but good luck to you.

Morgan
~"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." ~Helen Keller


scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 5/3/2007 1:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Yea I know but its like I can't help myself, I have also noticed recently all I want to do is eat. I'm not hungry, its like greed, I eat so much, and I'm starting to put on weight. Is this paqrt of it all too?
** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 5/3/2007 2:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Scotsgal...
I am becoming really concerned about how you are feeling just now..I believe that it's time to go back to your doctor and explain that you are still feeling miserable - tell him everything you have told us..
What meds are you on now? Maybe they need adjusting? I think you would really benefit from seeing a good psychiatrist - plz go back to your doc (take your boyfriend or a close friend with you if you don't wanna go alone) and tell him what you want out of life..our life is not a dress rehursal - and you deserve sooo much more quality out of yours than you are getting just now :-)
 
"She says its typical depression/anxiety and shes seen it a million times in a million people and I'm a classic case."
I find this statement from your councillor totally annoying and unproffesional...each case of depression is different and should be treated as such - with respect!
 
You will find that once you start taking action and start fighting for better things in life that you will feel remarkably better about things...start taking control Scotsgal...you Can do it!
 
Maree
 
 
Forum Moderator - Depression
Forum Moderator - Anxiety-Panic Disorders
 
"In any moment of decision,
the best thing you can do is the right thing,
the next best thing is the wrong thing,
and the worst thing you can do is nothing."
Roosevelt.
 
Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. 
 


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/3/2007 5:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Scotsgal
I suffer from Anorexia,.and when I am depressed I simply do not eat for days. I just don't care.
The pushing your loved ones away is normal, it is not that we don't love them we just get into the "don't talk to me,don't touch me,don't even look at me. I still have times where I find myself doing that and have to talk myself through it. Or I just refuse to do anything with anyone and stay by myself for a weekend. Sometimes I need it,other times I am just feeling sorry for myself and just need to cry my eyes out.

You do need to get yourself into a doctor,but,the things that you are feeling are normal symptons of depression,anxiety/panic attacks.
But,you need to try to fight those feelings of pushing everyone away. Because once you have pushed everyone away,and if they do not understand why then you will be spiraling down harder with the depression because there will be no one to help you through it.

After my divorce I basically spent 2 years by myself, I did not go out,I did not go anywhere. My kids were so frustrated with me,and they got to the point to where they could not wait to go to their dads.
My brother finally had enough and came and got me one night to go out.But that sent me into the drinking and partying zone,which was probably just as bad as the being left alone zone.

I know it feels like it is one thing after another with the depression,but once the meds are fully kicked in,and once the therapy is at full tilt...I think you will find you are feeling better.
It takes time,and it is something you have to fight for.

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 5/4/2007 1:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi all,

Just to let you know I have an appointment with my doc on Tuesday, so I'm gonna try and get new meds, and see about a psyc.

Just to let you all know :)
** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/4/2007 5:19 AM (GMT -7)   
That is great news!
Good luck and let us know what happened.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 5/5/2007 3:59 AM (GMT -7)   
I don't know myself I just seem to do it, its like everyone and everything else influences my thoughts, I know it shouldn't but it does.

Fpr example yday a man at mywork who is a lot older than me asked how long I'd been with my bf- 2 and a half years actually.

He then said well I dunno if thats a good thing, you dunno what you missing.

All day I questioned my relationship after that, and had the symptoms of a could be small panic attack.

I do know what I'm missing and it isn't what I want.

Thanks
** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 5/5/2007 4:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Relax scotsgal...
Because you are 'down' just now, you are really vulnerable and sensitive to others opinions (including magazine articles etc./workmates)..only you can know whats right for you..and if you wanna stay with your bf then that's all good in my book :-)
Surround yourself with positive people..Develop selective hearing lol - ignore the negative for now and concentrate on the good stuff in life...
We care about you here at HW and wanna see you get well soon.
You have an appt with your doc on tuesday - and that's fantastic :-)
Keep us posted.
Maree
Forum Moderator - Depression
Forum Moderator - Anxiety-Panic Disorders
 
"Life is mostly froth and bubble,
Two things stand like stone,
Kindness in another's trouble,
Courage in your own."
 
 
Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. 
 


scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 5/8/2007 1:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello,

Well had a slightly weird weekend,

Went out with my bf and his sister and her bf to the bowling in our town.

Me & my bf got on great and we had a good time, up until his sis and bf started arguing, I felt soooo awkward and wanted to cry!

Really don't know why though!

Then throughout the weekend I have been really teary for no reason!

On Sat me and my bf had a fall out, over something stupid, me not wanting him to go out clubbing. Anyway anytime we have one of our little arguements, I always think NOOO this is the end of us blah blah, and any little thing seems 10000 times bigger than it is, basically I tend to make mountains out of mole hills, I get really down when we argue I mean majorly. I just feel like giving up when I get that down. We made up though and had a really long talk, hes been really trying hard since, but still I don't really appreciate it. I want to but I just don't know how to at the minute.

Then on Sunday we were watching Stand by me, the film, at the end of it I started crying..as I do. But usually it'll calm down 2 mins after the films finished, but oh no not that night! I sat and cried for near enough half an hour afterwards. And I mean howling. My bf looked amazed. He didn't know what was wrong with me as I was fine one minute and bawling my eyes out the next! He cuddled me so tight I thought I was going to burst but I still didn't calm down any more.

Then! This morning I was rushing around trying to get ready for work, but couldn't find my hairbrush or trousers and some other stuff. I just felkt inside that I went limp and cpouldn't be bothered even trying and I basically sat on the edge of my bed for 5 mins just sitting in a daze. I felt that way a few times this morning. Just like pffft stuff it. And falling out with myself.

Then! I know another one! I was sitiing on the bus, and thinking through an important call I had to make today. I couldn't make sense of what I was saying though. I was trying to say 'will there be any becoming free' but I kept saying in my head will there any be becoming free. And I knew it sounded wrong, but at the time I din't know WHAT was wrong with it.

So...another stormy weekend for me again...is this the depression too??
** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/8/2007 4:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Yes it is depression with anxiety and panic attacks it sounds like.

Also,I have a question, is it close to that time of the month for you?
I get crazy 1 week before,and during it seems. I cry,I get mad for stupid things I find myself trying to get through major panic attacks all of the time.



Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 5/8/2007 5:03 AM (GMT -7)   
yes, it is indeed! weird isn't it!
** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/8/2007 5:09 AM (GMT -7)   
It sucks is what it is lol.
Also,if I drink wine during that time...holy cow! I become an emotional mess!
My boyfriend actually goes up to the calender, then turns back to me and says "well that explains this meltdown!
I have threatened bodily harm to him when he does it,but he is right grrrr
I am not sure if there is anything out there that you can take during that time.Maybe it is something to mention to your doctor? Not sure even if it is possible because I myself would not want to take it all of the time,but I don't know if something would work just taking it a couple weeks out of the month.
If you do find out let me know! I need it just as bad.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

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