3+ years with depression

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Sour Kraut
New Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 5/2/2007 9:13 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi.  I am a new member, been reading this site for a few days.  I find a lot of help full people on this site I hope to learn and help others as well.

 

I have suffered with major depression for over 3 years now since two close family members passed away, my grandmother first then a year and a half later my mother.  That was all of my maternal side of my family.  There are no brothers, sisters, cousins from my mom’s side of the family. 

 

Since that time I can't keep focused at anything.  I at times am scared to leave the house.  I have to force myself to talk to people and even feel shy going to such simple places like 7-11. 

 

I have lost really good jobs that more than provided for my wife, son (15) and daughter (5) and ended up relying on my wife for support.  Now she wants to separate since she lost all respect for me, since I can not provide for the family.  She tells me she needs her time alone to find out what will make her happy.  She is my best friend and that is why this is all so hard.  She tells me she just wants her “husband” back. 

 

During the last few weeks I did get some psychiatric help with some meds.  They are beginning to work, I think.  I am working but not want I want to do long term.

 

Do these feeling and the other feelings I have had ever end?

Can you ever get over depression?

 

 


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 5/2/2007 4:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Sour Kraut, I like your screen name tongue
 
I am very sorry about what your going through.  I wonder if you had ever experianced depression symptoms before your mother and grandmother passed way?  Granted, this can certianly cause depression and if you hadnt sought treatment afterward it most likely spirled out of controled over time.  Some people are able to learn how to control some of their symptoms of Dep. and eventually go without medicaitons but that isnt easy and in no way do they consider themselves cured. Then you have others who claim that they "beat depression" which I believe would have been more like a situational depression instead of Major Depression or another class along these lines. 
 
As for me I have had major depression for years and it hasnt gone away, it is always there under the surface creaping around.  I have been on one form of antidepressant or another for over 16 yrs.  However, my depression is due to childhood abuse and despite counseling these issues for me will always be there.
 
I do hope for you though that if you get some counseling for the loss of your loved one's it may be beneficial for your recovery through this. 
Please do keep posting here this site can be very supportive and informational.  take care

Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 5/3/2007 12:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sour Kraut
Welcome to HW tongue
Els has given you great insight and advice about depression and grief..
A few years ago I lost first my mother then 9 months later my partner..this was a really bad time for me too so I can relate to how you are feeling..
Friends, counselling and meds are really the things that got me through all this..
You will soon learn how to move on with your life and be a stronger and more understanding human being for doing so :-)
Tell your wife to hang in there for a little while longer if she can..because you feel you are on the mend!
Are you having trouble getting motivated in the mornings etc..tell us more about your symptoms..you just never know we just may be able to help you get through this :-)
Keep posting.
Maree
Forum Moderator - Depression
Forum Moderator - Anxiety-Panic Disorders
 
"In any moment of decision,
the best thing you can do is the right thing,
the next best thing is the wrong thing,
and the worst thing you can do is nothing."
Roosevelt.
 
Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. 
 


ekalski
New Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 5/5/2007 5:13 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Sour Kraut,

I lost my mother when I was 22 (I'm 58). Her death was my first death. In 6 months after her death, I lost my grandfather, divorced, and lost my job. Sounds familiar doesn't it? I got therapy back then and was lucky to find a good therapist right off the bat.

What helped me most was group therapy. I realized I wasn't the only one going through really tough times. Until then, I felt I was the only one and I felt so alone.

I remember one session that really got to me, and when I dealt with it, helped me a lot. Someone in the group asked "If your mother was alive, what would she want for you right now?" I remember crying my eyes out because I knew she would want the best for me and would want me to have a happy life. I'm tearing up now thinking about that moment. I'm still touched deeply by that question.

I decided then I was going to beat my depression because that's what mom would have wanted. I got back to deciding what I wanted out of life and going for it. I went back to college and got a degree. I had always felt like a person who should have graduated college and I had dropped out. I say all this to prompt you to think about what you want for your future and to then... go for it.

I know how hard it is to go for things when feeling depressed. I literally had to take things one step at a time. When I say one step at a time, I remember telling myself, "Just get out of bed. Don't think about anything else, just get out of bed." Once I got out of bed, I thought, "Now just take a shower." And so on. Obviously I was very depressed.

It took a while, it was difficult, but I got my degree while working a full time job. I kept setting goals, both small ones (daily ones) and more long term. It helped me, it might help you.

The day that turns your life around will be the day you say, "I've had it" and start making some plans to move forward. Or it might be the day you decide, "I'm going to fight to keep my wife." If you make that decision, tell your wife, "Your husband is on his way back." Ask her to give you time and to work with you to reach that goal... and much more. Plan a new life with your wife that gives you both something to look forward to.

I truly wish you the best. Keep in mind that direction determines destination. Decide on the destination you want to arrive at, set your direction toward that destination, work hard and make it happen.

Ed


www.everyday-wisdom.com

Post Edited (ekalski) : 5/8/2007 7:03:52 AM (GMT-6)


karenb
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 58
   Posted 5/8/2007 3:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sour Kraut,

There are a variety of therapies (e.g psychotherapy, cognitive behavioral therapy) and medications that can help to overcome depression. However, I do hope that you can do a lot for yourself because you know the root cause of you depression. You can become your own counselor and therapist. You should not live by the past, all the more you can't reverse what has happened.

Unfortunately, sooner or later everyone have to deal with the loss of loved one's, because that's a life. But there are things that you CAN turn to better. There are people who need you and love you (your wife and kids). Try to focus on your family, job, household. It is your present and future. Have the goals and move towards them. Try to keep your losses in your memory, not in your life.

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/8/2007 4:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Karen,
I just wanted to say that your advice is great. I am so happy to have you with us.



Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


karenb
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 58
   Posted 5/9/2007 1:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Shy,

Thank you for the kind words. I'm just trying to help as much as I can.

Sour Kraut
New Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 5/17/2007 5:52 AM (GMT -7)   

Thank you for all your advise.  I just spent 13 days in the hospital.  I guess I am lucky that I did not cause liver damage. 

I have learned so much about my illness during those days.  I have major depression and post traumatic stress disorder from seeing my mother dead on the floor at her home.  It is a daily image I see several times a day.

I am trying to make very small goals and move forward, but the anger my family has towards me is almost unbearable.  On some levels I understand their feeling, but I am also confused by having to separate an go on my own when everyone is telling me I need my family around.  Then I am told I am being selfish since I am not letting them heal with time alone. 

When you go from being very successful in business, have the best woman in the world as a best friend, wife and the mother of two kids, to a total failure in all aspects of life it is a tremendous burden.  To hear her describe her anger and resentment it really hurts. 

Can family members overcome those feeling as well?

Sour Kraut sad confused   mad        

Hey Sour, I am sorry but I had to edit part of your post due to forum rule #1. no discussion of self harm.  I do hope you understand.

Post Edited By Moderator (els) : 5/17/2007 9:51:21 AM (GMT-6)


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 5/17/2007 9:12 AM (GMT -7)   

Yes Sour Kraut, I would say that your very lucky.  Please dont do that again not only are you hurting yourself but your family, your children...I'm sure they need you here with them.

PTSD is a difficult disorder to manage, most usually a person needs counseling to deal with the cause of it.  Since you did go through something so traumatic as that and you have held on to it for so long it has been build up and grown and most likely will always be with you.  So you do need to learn so skills on how to manage it and counseling is a good way to do this.  Also you would be talking to a person who is inpartical and could give you advice in other areas of your life as well.

Small steps is very good at this point keep concentrating on that.  I dont know what to say about your family issues.  I am sure that it is very difficult and hurtful to seperate from your wife whom you apparently love very much and also your children.  A lot of times when those of us who have depression, we dont realize how much stress and strain we can put on those that love us most.  It can be damaging for everyone around us.  Maybe some time apart would help you and your wife and perhaps you could ask her if she would consider family counseling while your seperated?  So, you wont feel so disconnected from them and that your still working on getting the family dynamics back on track.

Hopefully, some other members will post and give you some insight and suggestions also.  Please do take care and keep posting.  I hope you find that over time it does help.


Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


Sour Kraut
New Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 5/19/2007 6:42 AM (GMT -7)   

Thank you all for the advise you have shared.  I will keep learning about this illness that I have and hope to beat it one day. 

 

 


stockholm
New Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 5/19/2007 6:54 AM (GMT -7)   
It's tough right now, but when I go thru difficult times I try and remember that this too will pass. I encourage you to adopt a positive attitude that you will beat it one day even if right now it is hard to believe so. Also, please continue to take advantage of therapy and the guidance of a trained professional. I sincerely wish you the best.
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