Is "funny" how you question "how is it to live".
I know I used to know but, like you I'm not sure sometimes what is wrong and what is right with my emotions, reactions, habits....everything.
I wish us both luck. Look at the bright side: we are trying to do something about it and that means we have the spirit, just can't see it for right now...
Something that has helped me is setting goals. When I have something to look forward to and work on, well... it gives me a chance to have positive emotions. Life isn't pale. Do you ever set goals?