Meds Working???

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_Christina
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 553
   Posted 5/17/2007 11:25 AM (GMT -7)   
 
I have been "blue" eyes since October 2006.  I can see as I look back at my employment that it effected me at work.  I thought that I was just going to have a "hard winter", as I have had in the past.  I did what I could to keep myself up, but kept slipping.  In January I slipped off the edge.  I became suicidal skull and unfunctional.  In February I started medications, but they didn't seem to work.  I took (mandatory) time away from family and responsibilities.  I started counseling.  I tried a diffrent medication.  I had the medication increased.  I had it incresed again.  I learned a lot about depression and the physical effects it has on the brain and body. My husband sank into depression and started medications.
I did a lot of self evaluation with the help of the counselor and phyciritrist and no my own.  I found that I don't know what it is to NOT be "blue". smurf   I have had distructive, depressive, thoughts and behaviors since childhood.  I don't know what normal IS confused .
 
Saturday I started switching to another new medication.  Yesterday (Wednesday), at about 9:25 a "switch" happened in my mind.  Suddenly there was COLOR in the world.  I felt the "FOG" lift a bit.  I felt like I might not know the soulotion to my problems yet, but I was sure that I would be able to figure it out.
 
It felt a little like if you were sinking and floundering in water, then suddenly you start to swim. You're still in the water, but you are in control of the water now, instead of it being in control of you. tongue
 
I will have to completly relearn how to think.  What I once thought were my strengths I see now are self-distructive actions and I must replace them.  The problem is that I don't know what to repace them with.
I'm not even sure how much of my life I will need to overhaul.  I have been like this my whole adult life, even as a teen.  I got married like this.  I had kids like this.  How much is who I am, and how much is the disease?  How do I know? confused   There are so many questions.
 
cool  Today I am basking in the glow of my new found self.  I am terrorfied that the "FOG" will re-settle and I will loose this feeling.  I have to tell someone.
 

Christina
 
When you cannot stand, on whom do you lean?


_Christina
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 553
   Posted 5/17/2007 8:10 PM (GMT -7)   
It is the end of day two. I still have the glow.
Christina
 
When you cannot stand, on whom do you lean?


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/18/2007 5:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi christina
So glad you are feeling the effects of the meds. It is so great to feel happy again isn't it?


Keep us posted!


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.
www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


_Christina
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 553
   Posted 5/18/2007 1:26 PM (GMT -7)   

In the last 20 minutes I feel like I slipped off that high spot.  Suddenly the tasks in front of me were too much to handle.  The ache in my back and sholders returned. The "weight" on my head returned.

Just by aknowledging the change, I seem to feel worse. 


Christina
 
When you cannot stand, on whom do you lean?


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/19/2007 5:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Christina
I really believe that we seem to punish ourselves for being happy.
I do it all of the time.
Like,how we don't do things that we enjoy because at some point we don't think we deserve it.
You could be going through just that. You were happy because you were feeling good for awhile,and now your mind is telling you" this can't be true,I don't deserve this"

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.
www.healingwell.com/donate

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 5/19/2007 7:35 AM (GMT -7)   

Relax Christina...the journey towards happiness will have lots of ups and downs..but the destination is well worth it as you now realise... tongue

I have found that when I hit a low 'distraction' is a key factor..going for a walk, jigsaws, housework..anything really to keep our mind from playing that negative mind message..hate that when it happens! Keep remembering how good it felt when the fog lifted and the colour swept in - maybe you could recall this as the '9.25' feeling lol and praise yourself for feeling this way...

I think you are doing really well yeah .

It takes more than meds to make you start feeling well..you obviously have a lot of inner strength and have been doing a lot of hard work towards feeling better..Well Done!

Maree

 


Forum Moderator - Depression
Forum Moderator - Anxiety-Panic Disorders
 
 
Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. 
*
May your troubles be less,
and your blessings be more..
And nothing but happiness come thru your door :))

May your day be filled with laughter and love.

***

 


 

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