wondering? from Katelynn

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 5/20/2007 11:29 AM (GMT -6)   
eyes   HEY ALL me again. I have read so many posts from so many forums and feel the need to try and help anyone in anyway.
I dont write anything on any post that I dont know anything about.
IM kinda freaked out of all the posts I have written in such a short amount of time.
I have seriously been wondering why so many of us are so afraid of shopping,driving,docs,family,friends,taking a walk.
Are afraid we will die in the process? Do we think we will make a fool of ourselves?
Are we that vain? Our we that afraid of others when we clearly can see from this website how many people are so much the same as we are.
We are technically I guess, related in way or another, does that scare us? Are we afraid of what we really might see, hear,find?
I think about these things and wonder if I am so afraid and know theres a pretty good chance that at least almost half the people in this bookstore w/me are just as scared as I am. Is it contageous, like yawning?
This what I think about? What do YOU think about?

age:34 am identical twin(sis/no health issues)

DNX:Tricuspid Atresia,(born w/out TA valve)

Had 3 open heart surgeries, (age 3 mths/shunt

age/15/Fontan procedure)age29

(Rvsd Fontan procedure,known/as Norwood)

(Chryo/Abablation,for scar tissue)(1inch bld clot)

 and (dual lead pacemaker implanted into abdmn)

Fibromyalgia, severe depression, heart disease,

massive internal bleeding, migraines, and insomnia.



Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 5/20/2007 3:13 PM (GMT -6)   
Dear Katelynn,
I am pretty new to this sight and enjoy reading some of the posts - finding comfort with a sense of knowing that I'm not alone in my emotions and feelings...
To read your post today I really felt a connection with what you were saying. All those things you listed as being afraid of - are what I am afraid of. Including talking on the phone. I feel almost a panicked  just thinking about it - Why is this??? I don't understand it at all.
When I've not been in a state of serious depression, I'm told that I am a "light" to everyone. That I make people feel important and valued. That others wish they could be as friendly and as social as I, I've spoken at conferences as a women's ministry leader with confidence and encouragement. In many ways, I've been looked up to and it has been the most humbling experience in my life...etc... BUT, as soon as I am down I feel as tho I'm all alone inside some prison. I feel abandoned by everyone...family, friends & church. I begin to wonder if the relationships I've established have been real or not? I feel so misunderstood and most often find myself explaining defending my illness only to find out that "I must not have enough "faith"'. Or that I am "weak". It's confusing, it's painful, and I can honestly say that often times it keeps me in this downward spiral.
My biggest and most important support is my husband, I am so thankful!!! I do not know what I'd do w/out him...
Anyways, I am thankful for this sight, and for feeling less alone. Please let me know if there are others that feel the way I do.

Clinical Depression/Anxiety
"Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside"

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