ElishaCo~Mod: DepressionModerator: Heart & Cardiovascular Diseasehttp://www.healingwell.com/donate
Yeah I can understand the fustration. My ex husband was totally fustrating!! Most of the time it seemed he wasnt interested in anything I was going through, he didnt want me taking antidepressants even though without them I was in a really bad way. When he did spend time to listen and try to understand it always seemed that somehow it got twisted in his brain and later used against me somehow.
Basically, I just stopped talking to him about things I was going through or feeling. We were together for almost 12 years, 5 of them married. BIG mistake, I know ....Guess it was a lession I needed to learn. It is so hard being with someone who is not supportive of you when you have depression..but even worst when they arent supportive when you have a medical illness thrown on top of all that. I changed and he couldnt handle the fact that life wasnt all rosie and perfect.
I know what you guys are talking about. Before depression I was one to open up to anyone about any issues I was happening. Now however, when I get my anxiety and depressed, I do not want to let anyone know. Its weird like that. Its taken a strain on my relationship with my boyfriend on my side. He is really supportive, but I haven't been the same girfriend I used to be, which gets me even more upset. Wish depression didnt do that...
You could have been writing that on my behalf - the only difference being my divorce wasn't nasty luckily - after 25 years I am grateful for that, but everything else............. whoa lol
I have started dating, then freaked out and stopped, then started and stopped. I thinkkkkk I am ready now, but will take things really slowly. You have an advantage with it being someone you used to date.
Very best wishes to you - hope it all goes nicely.
Post Edited (faithfully4you) : 5/26/2007 12:15:22 PM (GMT-6)
I'm sorry I have not responded earlier to you comments regarding the feedback from some that does NOT have depression but has lived with a loved one that does. Faithfully4you commented on how the family of the "Healthy" (and I use that word loosly!) partner tries to cope w/ their son's mate who has depression. For me I knew very little about depression when I first met my Girlfriend who had depression. It was a journey that I thought I was prepared for but realized very quickly that I was not prepared for. I never thought anything could knock me down b/c I had never been knocked down. Never in my career, my focus on anything I ever tried to achieve. Nothing. Then one day I came across this Monster called depression. I was not prepared at all. I had the love of my life that showed me a side of me that I thought I had lost w/ all my past bad relationships, etc. I felt like I could overcome anything w/ her in my life so why would this thing called depression be any different since I would do anything to keep anything, including this thing called depression from hurting her. Over three years later I sit here beat, battered, mentally exhausted, half full of life, upset at the world, fake, numb and confused as to what the **** has happened to me. During all this my family was experiencing this play act out in front of them which saw their son go from the top of the world w/ someone he finally found comfort in to someone they no longer understand. They do not understand why I continue to hold on when my world was ripped apart. Truly I don't even know. For them to see this women thru my eyes is way to much for them to handle. Understand though, they do not blame my Exgirfriend, they know it's the depression that caused this change in their son but they also know it was attached to my Ex. With her gone they felt safe again in knowing that I may be OK. Locking the liquor cabinet does not eliminate the desire to drink. Her being out of site did not mean out of mind. Everyone is impacted by this disease. My parents did and do not hate my Ex but rather they hated what her illness did to me. They saw me hurt and they in turn hurt. DOn't blame yourself for them not understanding, it's the illness they need to better understand. I don't blame my Ex for many of the things that tore us apart. I blamed the depression. Keep in mind though. Don't fall in the trap of blaming everything on the depression b/c this can and will create more problems for you. I say this not out of disrespect but you need to always try to separate the two. Fight your depression hard every time it rears it's ugly head but take ownership of those things that you can change or your actions that you can control that are NOT related to depression. I want to post a poem that I wrote to my Ex when I was at the peak of being upset at what this depression was doing to me and my family. I will try to post it today. Thank you again for allowing me to help explain the "other side of depression" As always I truly believe that those w/ depression are Heros for what you have to fight every day. My God bless everyone of you and hears your prayers.