Post Edited (faithfully4you) : 5/26/2007 12:39:47 PM (GMT-6)
Well today is no better than any other day.
I feel really impulsive. I am really beginning to think that i should just get it over and done. But i love my kids and they would have no one.
I feel stuck. i am a complete failure, a nobody.
Angel, I'm sorry but I have edited your post here due to forum rule #1 no discussion of self harm intended or threatened. I have left some hotline links for you below please do contact someone.
Post Edited By Moderator (els) : 5/27/2007 4:26:27 PM (GMT-6)
This is just an example of some things I would write down and then say to myself. So no matter how bad my emotions would get i could focus on what is "true". Taking tiny baby steps is HUGE! Even if you start with one line, you accomplished something for the day. If it's just hugging your children and telling them you love them, if it's just brushing your teeth or taking a shower - it's accomplishing something for the day.
Oh, how I wish for you to see that there is such value in you. Great value. A value that is worth seeing and feeling... please don't forget that. We're all here for you - we're all on this journey together.
Next month I may be down (i pray that I'm not...). And because you've been there, who could be of more help to me than you my friend? Precious Angel, the pain that we all go through, and that you are going through now - is not for "nothing". We have to look at it like "someday, I'm going to be able to help someone who's suffering". You see, we all need each other in this scary and often-times lonely life.
I hope some of this has made some sense to you or anyone else that needs it. I think just writing it down, has helped me.
We want to hear from you Angel. Take care.
Hi Angel, Have you ever heard in regards to depression....sometimes you have to fall back a little inorder to keep moving forward? Most of the time this couldnt be more true, we all have set backs and they suck in the biggest way. It is so very important for you not to give up on yourself and your kids.
I worked in mental health for many years and I would be very surprised if your caseworker and thearpist were disappointed in you for having these problems now. They may be disappointed if you dont tell them your having problems as this is what I am sure they expect from you and want you to do in order to assist them in your plan of care. Please do know that no one is going to blame you for being sick and there is nothing to be ashamed of. This is a chemical imbalance your dealing with which is not something you can control.
I understand it is difficult to lay all your thoughts and feelings down to your thearpist. I have some problems in this area myself. However, I have to wonder if perhaps since you have stated you dont say much to them and you have always had erratic behavior if maybe the doc's have misdiagnosed you in someway. This does happen quite often and really the person who ends up paying for it is the patient as they dont end up with the correct medication to help their disorder. Plus, there are some mood disorders for which CBT is not going to be effective and can actually be even more harmful. So, to make a long road a little shorter...you might give this some thought and see if you can come up with some ways of communicating with your thearpist in which you do feel comfortable. It is very important.
I am going to hope and pray that you can make it through the long weekend here until you can contact your caseworker or thearpist regarding these issues. But in the mean time I am going to leave you some links here just incase you feel you may need them. I really hope that you dont. Take care and keep posting
ElishaCo~Mod: DepressionModerator: Heart & Cardiovascular Diseasehttp://www.healingwell.com/donate
Thanks for your replies, you are all so supportive. I am so glad to be here.
Pink, you are so right, i mean you described me so well.
Els thanks for your advice, it is worth thinking about.
I have always had problems talking with people about how i am feeling and i have coped on my own for years. This time last year i just exploded, i could not do it anymore and that is when i knew i needed extra help.
My GP referred me to the MHT and had my meds reviewed and was given a social worker. A lovely lady, but i was finding it hard to talk to her and it took me a while to be able to tell her about my feelings.
Eventually i learnt to trust her and we would talk about anything and everything. Even when i was feeling really impulsive and having suicidal thoughts she was there on the end of the phone to try and help me. In January this year she thought i was ready to do therapy and so i started CBT. I was beginning to feel just that bit better.
I would sit there with my therapist and say nothing, because i couldnt. I mean i didnt know who he was. Even now i am still finding it hard to talk to him. I right alot of things down but he says it is all jumbled and so we are working on trying to meake my writing a bit more structured. It is extremly hard.
Since starting therapy I have gone right down hill again and i feel i should be improvong not getting worse. I know the saying is things get worse before they get better but i feel stuck. Feel things are to hard, like i dont know how to get out of this.
I am not allowed to talk to my social worker about my feelings anymore as my therapist thinks it will get in the way of my therapy with him. But i am still struggling with him.
I have no self esteem (or very little)I am still trying to hide alot of the way i am feeling, just to get me throught every day. In between therapy there is no one and althugh i can phone my therapist i can never get in touch with him as he is always busy and hardly ever gets back to me.
I havew been told by him to use the helplines but i cant seem to as they dont know anything about me and my situation and they ask things like do you know why you are feeling like this etc and i cant keep explaining it all.
Also i do find it hard to talk with people, even over the phone.
See i am just useless and pathetic. I cant even talk to people about how i am feeling.
Thanks for reading this.....
Hi Angel, I agree that you may need to get a new thearpist. If you have a good relationship with your caseworker please do talk with them about the troubles you have discribed here and see if you can change to someone else.
I have been in counseling for several years and know that sometimes you do end up with a thearpist that you may not be suited with. This isnt your fault but, if it isnt working out and your not seeing any benefit from it then what is the point to it? Differant counselors/thearpists have many differant approaches and if this one your seeing now your not comfortable talking to then it is time to ask for a change. Please know these people these are working for you, to help you. This is what the system is built upon...use it to your advantage.
Hi angel, i dont think the depression ever goes away either. I have had it for a long time and know I will need medication for the rest of my life most likely. Situational depression can go away but Major depression and other types I dont believe people are really ever able to over come them.
Yeah it sometimes is hard to cope between thearpy sessions but we always find a way until the next one dont we? I was thinking that you said your thearpist said your writing was very structured and that your working on that...right? It seems pretty structured to me. was there specific things he wanted you to write on? You dont have to say here, I was just wondering. Perhaps if you wanted too you could print out some of your posts here for your thearpist...or you could just leave this site private for just you. Just an idea...
You always have this site and all of us to help when you need it, we are always here
Have a wonderful day