please please help me

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Hello~Kitty
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Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 610
   Posted 5/26/2007 12:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello, I've never posted in the depression forum before but I do suffer from depression. But my crisis right now is my son. He's in the 1st grade, 7 years old, and I dont understand whats going on with him !!!! He's been suspended from school 5 times, 7 days all together, once for choking 2 kids, and the other from stealing form kids and the teacher. And this last thursday when he was home from being suspended he ran out of the house when I wasnt looking and went down to this creek that a little girl drowned in last year, there no houses around it or anyone so if he would of fell in I would of not known for a long time. And we have a b-day party to go to today and I set aside $15 to spend there because its at a skating rink, and he stole $10 from it and swore up and down he had nothing to do with it, and I just knew he did, and finally he admited to it and showed me he hid it in his pillow case. HE has no remorse for stealing or hurting other people. I really know he's a good kid and I love him so much, but I feel like I'm living with a theif and a big lyer. Even his teacher and principal has no idea what to do, they said they've never seen a kid do this repeatly and just didnt care. I feel like im gonna have a break down, I almost freaked out on him when he admitted to taking my money but instead locked myself in my bedroom and cried....I need so advise on what I can do. I took him to a mental health center a few years ago but they just diagnosed him with ODD and said my insurance dont cover treatment for it, but I think there is somethng more going on then ODD...I suffer from chronic pain and depression with anxiety, and I'm on disabilty for migraines, I'm also a single mother, their father is not in their lifes at all cause he has schitzo and threatened to kill us all the time. I am a young mother, i had my son when I was 16 and my daughter when I was 18, I'm 24 now, and I just feel at lost, please help me someone, please before my son ends up in juvinile detention center!!!
-hellokitty22

bigbear
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 129
   Posted 5/26/2007 1:33 PM (GMT -7)   
It sounds like he is acting out but I don't really know what to advise you, sorry. I think it would help if he had an older male role model he looks up to to help guide him and keep him in-line. Perhaps the big brother organization in your area may be able to help.

djdaz_1985
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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 5/26/2007 2:36 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi there,

I am 22 so I am about your age but unfortunately I dont have any children. Perhaps your son is looking for love/attention. A male role model could also help. Do you have any 1-on-1 time with your son? It doesnt sound like he is stealing through necessity(sp) which is what makes me think its more of a psychological need rather than a physical one. Try a bit of 1-on-1 time without his sister. It wouldnt have to be major stuff but just spending the time together. Perhaps talking, playing a game or maybe some arts/crafts.

I hope this helps

Darren


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Hello~Kitty
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Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 610
   Posted 5/27/2007 2:46 AM (GMT -7)   
hello. I left my children's father when my son was 10 months old, I was barely pregnant with my 2nd, and he was only abusive to me, never my son and I doubt if he remembers him. I havent had any serious relationships since ( oh yea, and I have never been married either) And when I do date I never bring them home, I dont want to make my kids uncomfortable. My son has a strong male figure in his life still, my father, his grandpa is his number one favorite person in the world, they go EVERYWHERE together, and my dad spoils him way more then his other grand kids (but loves them all equally), he even bought him a playstation3 last week. And I have no social life period, I cant even think of the last time I just went out without my kids and had fun, actually I dont even desire to go out. I dont beleive in drinking or getting high or parting, heck I dont even believe in drinking caffiene so I dont bring it around my kids, and we are a church going family, even my church has a guy that comes around every 2 weeks that is a certified councilor that I've been to before and is a great guy, I hoping he can help us, I'm going to talk to my bishop to see if they can get us back into seeing him. All I'm going to do this summer is get my son into as much help as I can. But I have no idea what I'm doing wrong. I spend all my time with me kids, I love them so much I love being home with them all the time (thankfully theirs school or I would pull my hair out lol), but I feel like theirs this wall up between me and my son and I cant get through to him, I feel so jhelpless and I dont want my son to be a criminal. Hes so smart he could read chapter books before he reached kindergarden. His doctor says he has mental diabilities like autism or anything. His doctor has givien him a medicine that is like benadrly but stronger to help with his sleeping issues and appitite, it seems to be helping, but hasnt changed his attitude one bit....thanks for listening.
-hellokitty22

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 5/27/2007 6:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kitty
I am sorry for what you are going thru and I see you are taking GREAT steps top help your son....
It may be a chemical imbalance and he may need some meds ..I dont honestly know but DONT put yourself down you are not at fault here and sounds like your Ex WAS NOT EITHER

Try over on ADD forum and see what they say about his behaviour more experience there hun BUT it sounds like you could use some support as well
Why dont you come to a/p forum or stay here and yak with the great ppl here
Shy is wonderful and so is Els
Actually most on the forum are really great to find caring and support from

My daughter was like your son and still is but never acted out only smart mouthed me and believe me she went thru more hell then you have said your son has ....I am on constant IV's she has had to clean up after my accidents from DD and has been my support at home
SHE was never abused I was........... just like in your situation and at 10 mths old I left her father too
Our kids believe the sun rises and sets with us and I know it is SO hard when they do wrong sweetie but remember they are gonna act out he may be upset that you are sick all the time ya know and again NOT your fault
I just went thru this with Cait who is a teen now and she flat out told me SHE was afraid I was going to die ....just like all the others around her
Please if you need to talk email me okay
God Bless
You are a good mom so dont take that away from ytuorself
I think as D has said a good male role model besides the Granpa ( spoils him lol)
How about Big Brothers or something like that
Boys Club even

I will be hoping you do stay with us there is NO JUDGEMENT here no professionals only ppl that care and will be here to support you all the way .......

Be kind to self please and hey smile ........Luvs and God Bless....LYN
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djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 5/27/2007 9:12 AM (GMT -7)   

Lyn has made some really good points there Hello-Kitty. (It probably helps being a mother and all that! lol) This really isnt your fault. There are loads of different forums here that you can look to for advice and we are all really friendly... we dont bite! We are just a collection of people supporting each other and helping each other. Not professionals of any kind. I like Lyn's idea of a boys club as well. Is there some after-school clubs he could join perhaps? Team sports are always good.

Keep you chin up

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
 
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ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/27/2007 10:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kitty
I also wanted to welcome you to the forum.
By NO means does your son's actions mean that he was sexually abused or that you have done anything wrong!
That statement is out of line and I am sorry for that.

My son is 17 now..he had very bad "spells" from 4 years old on. My ex would not let me take him to the doctor about it,basically said it was my fault that I could not control him.
When he was 13 I went into the bedroom to wake him up for school (after a bad night with him) and he took a baseball bat to me. That was my breaking point, I took him to the ER and they made him stay for a week. He has ADHD and is now doing great,but it was a long few years that is for sure.
I think you need to get him to a doctor right away. If it continues it will just get worse. I am not telling you
what he might have because I am not a doctor.
Please stay strong and keep us posted,my heart is with you..it is probably one of the hardest things you are going through when you can't seem to help your child.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.
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Post Edited (ShynSassy) : 5/27/2007 11:41:37 AM (GMT-6)


Hello~Kitty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 610
   Posted 5/27/2007 1:06 PM (GMT -7)   

Thank you for the replies. My son is going to boy scouts when he turns 8, its a big deal with my church that he does go. My son brought home a snake a few nights ago, and I let him keep it, its a garter snake so I dont mind it. I helped him make it a nice big home and we're gonna go find food for it today. He's really enjoying it, and I am too, but the other neighbor kids are jealous and terrible to my son and are trying to steal it from him. I really think the kids from where I live is a big factor in the way he has been acting, they cuss ALL the time, talk about vulgar things and sexual stuff. They fight til one is bleeding to death. I have told them off many time and they throw garbage at my windows and door. I know you think I should move, but Im on low income because all I get is disability and welfare for my kids, and these are the only apartments around that take low income people. I try to take my kids to other places during the day to keep them busy and keep them around healthy stuff. I just wish these kid's parents would actually stop getting drunk and actually be a parent to them, these kids are up ALL night. And the parents act worse then their kids if you tell them to control there kids. I feel like I'm at a dead end. I suffer so much from depression and anxiety and these people aorund me are not helping.

Well we are off to church here soon and I'm going to talk to my bishop about this counciling thing, so wish me luck that they approve it so we can get the help we need without having to worry about money. Thank you so much for the support and listening to me. Have a great day.

-hellokitty22


slowlygoingcrazy
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 122
   Posted 5/27/2007 2:31 PM (GMT -7)   
I am in a very similar boat as you. A very similar boat!!! My son is 10.5 and suffers from ADD with H tendencies. He has no impulse control. He steals from us, and was caught stealing at school the other week. He lies all the time. He is very manipulative of every situation. When it seems like he's doing something good and I'm praising him, it often turns out he was masking a bad behaviour with good behaviour so he wouldn't get caught. My husband and I are at our wits end because punishments have no effect. He is taking Ritolan and we just upped it to 15mg/2X/day and it seems to be helping in the school setting. But he doesn't get it at home cause I don't like the side effects, so on weekends I give his system a break. Like you I was a young mom - 19. His sperm donor left me before my son was barely secured in the womb, and after he was born I suffered severe post partum depression. Life was a struggle for quite awhile (still is!). Thankfully I met my husband very early on in the process and so my son has had a father right from the get go. He knows no one else. And there are some good male role models in my family. But he has also been over exposed to my battle with depression and with everything I mentioned above, our relationship didn't exactly get off to a great start in life! And I do believe that some of this behaviour is attention seeking, and I have made efforts to spend more 1 on 1 time with him. You see, my husband works shift work and I have a 3 yr. old as well, so often I am alone with the kids and 3 yr. olds require a lot of attention, and so my son is often the one who has to wait his turn. It's not fair, but I'm one person, with my own health issues leeching a lot of my energy too. But like you, I am getting help for him. The referal process has been started, I'm just hoping it doesn't take too long.... The turmoils of the teenage years are so close that I really want to nip the worst of this in the but before we get there, but it's frustrating and emotionally draining. It's so easy to blame ourselves. So I completely understand what you are going through. If you want to talk further, feel free to contact me through my e-mail address. I think we have more in common that we know. One last question, whereabouts are you located if you don't mind me asking?

slowlygoingcrazy
 It would be easier to tell people I have cancer than it is to tell them I am severely depressed.....


bdr1
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 121
   Posted 5/27/2007 2:43 PM (GMT -7)   
hi kitty --- it sounds like your son needs some serious psychiatric intervention. i'm sorry that you're going through all of this.

a few things --

- the aspect of your story which disturbs me the most is when you mention that he doesn't seem to care or show any sort of emotional reaction to his behavior. has he ever tried you? this sounds along the lines of anti-social behavior and is probably the hardest to deal with.

- often insurance companies will not pay for specific diagnoses such as ODD, however - often patients with ODD suffer from co-morbid disorders such as ADHD or Conduct Disorder. Additionally - Andrew Nieremberg at Massachusetts General Hospital recently has written a paper on ODD being undiagnosed Bipolar disorder in children. That said, insurers will often pay for these diagnoses as they are required by (some) state laws.

it's going to be a tough road ahead ... please let us know if we can help.

CRANKY 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 5/27/2007 4:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey HelloKitty22,
 
You've gotten some good advice from several people.  It does sound like your son does have some sort of chemical imbalance that needs medical treatment.  Because you are home, watch him very carefully around pets, even the garden snake.  He is very young, but children with his symptoms can act out by hurting animals, a symptom of sociopathic behavior, which needs to be caught early (if it is happening).
 
The only other thing I can add is that I would seriously limit the time he spends playing video games.  Maybe use it as a reward system.  Make sure that everything he plays is rated for his age range, and make sure your Dad understands this, and ask him to look for educational games if he's going to buy any for your son.
 
Just my observations.  Hope everything goes well for you and your son.
 
Leigh Ann cool

"The weather is here, I wish you were beautiful."
                                             - Jimmy Buffett


Hello~Kitty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 610
   Posted 5/27/2007 11:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello again. I've been reading some stuff on add and adhd, but I dont like to diagnose  him myself, I'm not a doctor. I have taken him to his pediatritian and she just gave him that medicine for sleeping and eating cause he stays up all night and hardly eats, and the medicine has changed that ALOT, but I cant give him 1st dose til after school cause it makes him very very sleepy like any antihistime would. His doctor told me she doesnt deal with "mental" issues and I should follow up with a phychiatrist. And the bi-polar being mentioned, I have been diagnosed by a few doctors with bipolar, but I dont agree with them, I have never had any of these manic episodes that they talk about, NEVER, trust me, I think I would remember being happy-high episodes (and I have read hundreds of books and pamplets and talked to many perfessionals and people with it), I've only been moderatly depressed and suffer from alot of anxiety and social phobias too. I dont like to meet new people, I freak out when I have to, I even have a panic attack when I go to my doctors for some odd reason, I start to feel like I cant breathe and Im going to pass out, so that  requires me to stay home ALOT . And he doesnt spend ALOT of time on his game systems, I take them apart everyday and put them up, he plays maybe 1 hour a day on it, if that. I was wondering if anyone could direct me in some good websights on add/adhd...and hopefully I get my insurance thing straightened out with the state this wednesday at my appointment with them, and it should be cause as long as I'm on disabilty, me and my children get state insurance, but I forgot to turn in a paper and they are withholding it til I see them again. Then the first thing I'm going to do is get him re-evaluated and I will argue with them if they diagnose him with JUST o.d.d. again, my friend had the same problem with her son at the same place I got my son evaluated too and she demanded to be seen by the psychiatrist instead and they ended up saying he had depression and adhd, so maybe thats what I need to do too. And I defiently need to get me back into mental help too, and me and him both need like family counciling so they can help me help him
 
-Hellokitty22

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 5/28/2007 4:30 AM (GMT -7)   
PLease do keep us posted as I said in the beginning here you sound like you are A GREAT mom and you are going at this full heartedly with NOTHING but your sons best interest at heart.....I applaud you for doing so and commend you as well

Keep your head high hun you area fine example of a young Mom
LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Co Mod ..Crohns Forum
Co Mod A/P Forum
Moderator ....Alzheimers Forum 
 
Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
                   ONE step..Leads to MORE 
                       
 God Bless
   LYN                               
                          
                                  


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 5/28/2007 5:03 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Hello Kitty,

Here is a great site on ADHD in children it is from the National Institute of Mental Health so you cant really get much better than that.  See if this helps any...  http://www.nimh.nih.gov/healthinformation/adhdmenu.cfm  also here is one on ADD  http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001551.htm

Something that you mentioned earlier in one of your posts caught my eye was that you said his father was "schizo"...did he have an actual diagnosis of Schizophrenia or Schizoaffective disorder, do you know?  The reason I ask is that these type of disorders can be hereditary as is mood disorders, depression, ADHD and any other type of mental illness.  In children they often can start out as "acting out" and change in behavior.  Early intervention and detection is very important.  Keep fighting the system for your child. 


Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
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CRANKY 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 5/28/2007 12:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey HelloKitty22,
 
I wouldn't automatically dismiss the diagnosis of bipolar imbalance.  Many manic-depressive people never experience the "highs", but experience more of a quickening of thought processes, physical activity, not a boost in mood.  This manic stage can also manifest in hightened anxiety.  I have a cousin that is bipolar so I am well versed in the subject.  Taking the appropriate medication, usually Lithium, is critical in maintaining a normal lifestyle.  The only problem is that after taking the meds for a period of time, bipolar folks feel much better and tend to stop taking the medication because they feel like that they don't need it anymore.  This is the biggest mistake a bipolar person can make.  Things can rapidly devolve back to having their original symptoms, or possibly get worse than ever before.  My cousin, who has a genius level IQ, has actually become very delusional after going off his meds.  His case is so bad, he has occasionally had to be taken into custody by the police, for his own good.
 
With a son with obvious problems, you need to be as stable and objective and you can be.  Please try to get help for yourself, so that you will be able handle what the future brings.
 
Best wishes and let us know how you are doing.
 
Leigh Ann cool

Basic info:
  • On Disablility for: Chronic Migraines, serious Back and Knee problems (will need surgery eventually), moderate Depression, Anxiety/Panic disorder, TMJ 
  • Divorced, 42, no children
  • Surgeries: Gastric Bypass, Gallbladder Removed (followed by a week in the hospital for a Blood Clot), Kidney Stone Removed, Broken Ankle, Major Dental work(four molars pulled, multiple cavities, root canals) 
  • Current Meds: Lexapro, Klonopin, Wellbutrin, Migranol, Trazadone, Buspar, Nexium, Skelaxin, Diclofenac, Tramadol, Phenergan, Chantix
 
"The weather is here, I wish you were beautiful."
                                             - Jimmy Buffett
 
 

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