I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I guess to a certain degree I can relate to what you are saying. Everyones depression is different but I will tell you that sometimes it is hard to believe that someones depression is worse than mine. I struggle every day looking for a positive way to enjoy what I call "hell" on earth.
As far as your boyfriend, I know what it is like to hold on by a thread to the one reason you feel you have to be strong. I have experienced what it is too have him by my side and I have experienced life where I never thought I would ever go on without him. My children are a big part of my decision to live and as they should be but I will tell you in all honesty that he is just as big a reason. Now I will say that there will be people that will say that your children should be enough but I have to lash out and say that anyone that has been truly in love would be lying if they said their s/o was not a major reason as well.
The advice I give is this.........if you are active in your relationship, BE STRONG IN KNOWING THAT YOU DO HAVE SUPPORT, that is something many do not have. Yes you can have depression and lean on him but you also have to show that you appreciate his support and that you are doing your best. You will find even on your darkest days, he will make you produce a smile.
I would be wrong in saying all else will fall into place because that will also be work, just know that there are people that care.
Meds for me have been a disaster as well. I have been over 40 different meds from lithium, tofranil to the latest, wellbutrin. I also have the vns implant for depression which has been turned off for other reasons.
This site is wonderful and is a great source of peace and validation.
" If we deny love that is given to us, if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss, then our lives will be empty, our loss greater.”