Heh, this is my first post and I can’t believe I am actually signed up on a ‘depression’ forum, but then again I have never felt so bitter with life before. I wasn’t sure how to start talking, so I decided to go ahead and introduce myself, and then tell you what’s going on with me:
I’m 27 and a half. Working part-time/freelancing as an illustrator, and I have my own very small ‘business’ starting up with jewelry, though it is still at it's earliest stages so i can't exactly say it's a business, though i hope to make a career out of it. I am single (a status that seems chronic) with no children and live with my parents (two wonderful people, we have a great relationship). so in short i don't have so many responsabilites other than my own work and business plans. What can I say? I have a normal, healthy life, if not a little overwhelmed with work, so I don’t understand where this bitterness is coming from right now. Or why. And worse: How to get out of it?
I have always had mood swings. The majority were brief silly things that vanished on their own (I used to suffer from P.O.S, polycystic ovaries. But that’s in the past now.) But for the past few months I have had barely a break from my downhill moods. The last month particularly was hard, 30-consecutive-days of feeling unhappy. I’ve lost my energy, constantly wanting sleep and finding it difficult to wake up, I can sleep for 8 hours, and still feel exhausted and cramped. I cry with no good reason, and this too is becoming frequent. It is like my tear ducts have gone haywire. I have always been known for my temper, but lately it snaps easily over the most insignificant issues. In over the past two months I have been socially ‘dormant’, a big part of this was due to work, but now I also couldn’t be bothered to leave the house, by now people have stopped calling, and i don't blame them. I have constant pain in my shoulders, sometimes I get headaches. I was never athletic or passionate about sports, but at least I used to go to the gym. I can’t bring myself to even get on a bike for five minutes. In short, I am turning into one dull, sluggish, horrible person.
I’m scared, and think that this might be the beginning of something that might get worse. The LAST thing I want or need (or can afford) right now is to see a doctor or go on medication. I understand that positive thinking and attitude would help… but when I try my best to “think happy thoughts”, I get a jeering voice saying “Who do u think you’re fooling?”. I really don’t know what to do, I feel like things are getting out of hand, and don’t know how to stop it. That is why I am here, forums feel somehow private, less embarrassing, and maybe you guys have been through it all so could give the right advice as i am more intent on fixing this myself. Could tell me if I should be concerned or if this is simply a phase everyone will go through and that it will end in a week or two? What are the steps I should take to change this? How can I go back to being able to just shrug off problems and look at everything positively, to take interest once again in the things i loved like socializing, parties, shopping and beeing normal?
I hope I won’t be a complete whiny brat on your boards. I appreciate directness… if you think I’m just full of bull, then let me know, and I will use it as advice.
Whoooooh. I swear I didn’t intend on making this post so long…
I think I should stop now, before I end up posting my entire biography! I look forward to talking with you people. And I hope I’ll get somewhere. I already feel better posting this.