is having a normal life ever going to happen

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destroyer
New Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 5/29/2007 9:45 AM (GMT -7)   
I have been alone for 7 yrs and last few people i tried to get to know just used me making me feel even worse.  At times i get so parnoid i think all are out to ruin my life i dont know if any of how i feel anymore makes any sense i hate being alone and dont expect anybody to ever let me love them without me getting hurt everytime any body have any answers?
 


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 5/29/2007 11:03 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi destroyer, I can sort of relate...I went through a nasty divorce 3 yrs ago to a guy I was with for 12 yrs, we didnt quite make it to being married 5 yrs.  I didnt realize or stop to think that he was in some ways using me for money and emotionally as he had been married before and hurt pretty bad by it.  As our relationship progressed he got emotionally abusive and things for me became clearer I guess.  Anyway, I left him.

Being alone at first was very difficult, I had never been alone or not in a relationship.  For me, I think I needed this time alone to be able to heal from the bad relationships (there were a few before) and to figure out what it is exactly what I am going to require from a man and a relationship. 

Yeah, I know that you can get involved with someone and everything is fine for a while and then they just sort of change.  But we have to have the strength to get out and know that people like that are toxic to us, this is not our fault.

Now I am content being on my own...sometimes I do get lonely but I have hope that it wont be forever....


Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
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Beautiful Oblivion1
New Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 5/29/2007 11:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there. I know how you feel. I went through a very nasty brake up with my ex of 3 1/2 years. Then three weeks after we broke up I found out I was pregnent and every thing changed once again. We got back toghether and tryed to work things out but two months later he told me he was seeing someone else so we broke up completely. That was in Feb. So now I am 6 months along and miserable not because of my ex just from the things that come with being pregnent. Its hard breaking up. But eventualy the pain will go away and you'll move on. Ive learned ALOT about myself and that Im ok on my own. I've stoped dewling in the past and looking forward to having my first child and everything that entails. My ex will always be in my life because we have a child together and we;ve both decided to put the past behind us for our childs sake.

Anyway just keep your chin up and be strong and things will get easyer you'll see..If you need someone to talk to feel free to message me on the following messengers

AIM-tophatequines
Yahoo- blueribbonwelsh
MSN- gothicrose83

or on myspace.com the address for my page is http://myspace.com/112019681

faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 6/1/2007 8:47 AM (GMT -7)   
sad  Welcome~
I will tell you that I have learned alot about being alone and being with people that only saw the outside of what I had to offer!  I filled up my time with what I call "empty time" that is the time I have spent with people of the opposite sex (intimately or socially).  At the time, I never really looked at these times as being negative for me because it was a quick fix so that I didnt have to be alone and deal with feelings that I had deep inside. 
 
I am not sure what your situation is but this is mine.  I was involved with a man for over 3 years.  This man loved me like I had never been loved before.  Im sure that you know that loving a person with depression is one of the hardest things you could ever experience.  In short, to this day, this man is still the love of my life and in my mind, we will grow old together.  Although we are not "together" now, I know that my heart will never accept another.  I know what you are saying, as others have said to me, move on there are others that will love you.  Sorry, they have not lived the love I have, I guess you could say that I truly lived a "cinderella" story.  It was not perfect by society's standards but it was "perfect" for me.
 
I have been dealing with being without him (alone) for almost a year more significantly over the past 3 months.  I can tell you this, yes there will be good people that will come into your life and you may be able to find that but in my case I do hate being lonely but not alone.  There is a difference.  I dont mind being alone to a certain degree because that is time for me that I reflect on my life, yes when these times get longer and longer without the fullfillment of the goals I make in my time then the loneliness sets in.  That is what I have trouble with.  However, I have found that in that loneliness there is a peace that I have knowing that I spent this time working on me, not trying to replace the loneliness with others that leave me feeling used, unworthy of what I had and a general overall feeling of hopelessness.
 
I know time alone can be hard, believe me, if anyone knows, I do.  What you must decide though is whether or not you hate being alone or the fact that you are lonely.
 
Good luck to you, I hope this has helped in some way.
Teresa
" If we deny love that is given to us, if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss, then our lives will be empty, our loss greater.”
Unknown
 
"You know how people say that if you wish for something hard enough it will come true... Well, I've been wishing for you every night and you still aren't here"


Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 6/3/2007 7:05 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Destroyer -

First, welcome to the HealingWell forum.  There are lots of supportive and nuturing people here who are open and kind.  As far as being alone, I think there are at least two ways to look at it.  Either from a "glass full" perspective or a "glass empty" perspective.  I mean, I would much rather be alone that stuck in a bad relationship.  I don't have to answer to anyone, I can do whatever I want whenever I want.  I don't have to compromise my needs for someone else's and I don't have to worry if I'm meeting their expectations or not.  I can join a class to learn a new skill, I can explore new places, and I can walk down the street with my head held high, because I am choosing to be alone rather than letting others influence me by telling me that I should feel horrible since I'm single.  I think it boils down to how we interpret our own situations and trying to make the most of them.   

 

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