Ok, so just another update on how things are going........
My husband 2 nights ago told me that he thought about how he was and was going to support me. Well....that lasted a whole night. I knew it wouldn't last. He was really good for the night and was really caring and tried to understand what I was going through. The next day he was back to his old self again. Telling me that I had to change fast because the way I am is making him want to leave the marriage. I am so fed up with this. I am tired of it and at this point I want out to the marriage as well. I really wish he could understand and be there for me. I have not looked for places to live because I thought things would change for the better. I was way wrong, I guess.
Well.....that is all that is new with my situation. I wish I had better news and could tell you that things were starting to get better.
Well....I am still here. I haven't left and my husband has not left. We haven't seen much of each other either though so that could be why nothing has really gone on. The only thing new in my life is that he told me that I have until the end of the week to change and get better or else he wants out of the marriage because he doesn't want to live like this. He is still sleeping in another room.
That is it and that is all that is new with me.
No, I have not gotten into counseling yet. It is really hard to get into counseling where I live. It takes months. He will not go to family counseling. He tells me that he does not need counseling because I am the problem, not him.
Post Edited (alicia54321) : 7/19/2007 9:02:01 AM (GMT-6)
Well my husband is not physically abusive so that is an up I guess.
I was just reading on drphil.com this morning and read some really good points. I think I am going to get my husband to read them as well. He will probably just laugh at me, but it is worth a shot.
Sex is not the foundation of a healthy relationship; it is a natural extension of a relationship in which giving and receiving mutual support and comfort are common. If you want a good sexual relationship, it needs to be embedded in a good overall relationship.
· Sex should not be forced. It should be just one more way of expressing mutuality, support and caring. It can then be the springboard for more thoughts and appreciative behaviors that will bridge into the next, seemingly spontaneous, sexual interaction.
· It is illogical for you to ignore your partner in the morning, bark at him/her during the day, argue in the evening, and then fall into his/her arms for a fanciful sexual adventure at night. Insensitivity, inattention and hostility make sexual intimacy unnatural. If you want a rhythmic pattern of sexual intimacy, then create a relational pattern that reflects the same intimate emotions.
· Don't base a relationship on sex. You need love, compassion and caring — and then sex can be a reflection of that. Don't think of it in either/or terms: You can cuddle when it's time for that, have an active sex life as well, and have tremendous love and respect for each other throughout.
Don't use sex for the wrong reasons, and burden it or load it up with too much meaning. For example, it shouldn't be a way to validate your partner. It should be an extension of the caring, feeling and respect you have for the other person.
I think these are all good points and I hope he takes it seriously.
Shynsassy, at this point, I am feeling that if I left I would have a lot less stress in my life and be a lot more happy.
Hi this is Kitt and I have read all your posts in this thread. Wow, you are being way to kind to that man. You should not leave, why should you and children be forced from your home by this man?
IMHO you need to be on meds, I know you prefer not to but it may be your wisest choice at the moment. Get back your lost self and learn to love you. You do not need him to tell you what you know. You are a good person and devoted Mother.
He is blackmailing you as well as being verbally abusive. What will he do next?
He is manipulating you and how dare he put a time limit on when you have to be well. Depression is not something you turn on and off on a whim.
Until you get some good help for you, he will continue to treat you like this only I fear it may escalate. If he cannot take it, then he should seek counseling or leave. But no more bullying you.
Try not to allow yourself to get into confrontations with him.
And he is lucky to have another room to sleep in.
Sorry but this is a topic I am passionate about. I want you safe, please know I have your best interest at heart.
And for those understanding and devoted spouses, I commend you. I have a good husband and he has been frustrated and gotten upset but then I tell him how much he means to me and his help is my best medicine. :)