Slowly recovering

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Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 5/30/2007 4:24 PM (GMT -7)   
The weather here was beautiful today.  And as my depression is slowly lifting I'm running into problems that I haven't faced in a while.  Compound that with the fact that my people skills just aren't what they used to be, since when I'm depressed I completely shut people out.  And I mean that quite literally.  There was a time when I don't think I had any personal interaction with another human being (beside at work and grunting the required responses to cashiers) for three months.  So, my coping skills are what you could say "rusty".  Now, I'm faced with all kinds of feelings and emotions that have been shut off for a while and I can't seem to figure what to say at the time I'm having them.  Plus, I can't seem to get rid of this guy at work who "likes me".  I mean I feel like I'm back in junior high again.  We went out to lunch a few times, went on a hike once, and I cooked dinner for him, since he wouldn't let me pay for lunch.  It was my way of saying thank you.  We've never went on a "date".  We actually discussed this fact, since he pointed out.  Nothing has ever happened between us, and I mean NOTHING.  No hand holding, no kissing, not even a hug.  I clearly explained to him fromthe beginning that I did not have a romantic interest in him I was confused when he reacted by going out of his way to actively avoid me - it kinda through me, since I though he was overreacting.  We talked a little bit about this, but I left at "let's be cordial to each other, but I really cannot hang out with you anymore".  He continued to actively avoid me, to the point where if I was walking down the hallway he would quickly turn around the other way to avoid me.  It did not make any rational sense.  I mean I really don't understand his reaction.  And now, out of the blue, since he's been sulking and staring at the ground whenever I get near him, he waited just outside the door "to talk" to me.  At that point he hands me a little black box.  (Now, all you woman will understand my initial dread when I was presented a little black box, since a lot of us automatically jump to the conclusion that it's jewerly.  And my very first reaction was it was a diamond ring.)  It wasn't.  It was a paperweight that he got from him "trip to Florida.  I had no idea he took a trip to Florida and said so.  He told him that it reminded him of me.  Now, I haven't thought of this guy in months, so again i don't understand why he would still be thingking about me.  Oh, I already feel better since I got that all out of my system.  I did place a phone call to our "Employee Assistance Program" which gives out advice on all kinds of matters and the counselor is suppose to call me back first thing in the morning.  But, I guess I just needed to get it out of my system sooner rather than later.  In the meantime, if anyone has any words of wisdom, advice, or suggestions they would be grealy appreciated.  Thanks.
 

Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 5/30/2007 4:38 PM (GMT -7)   
The other thing that I've been struggling with is on the opposite extreme. I recently met another guy at work who is really cool and fun to be with. We went on a hike this past weekend and I really had a great time. He's funny, nice, considerate, and just comfortable to be around. I feel like I can completely be myself around him. It's like talking to an old friend and just picking up where you left off. But, (you all knew there was a but coming, right?) he's 15 years older than I am. I am 32, never been married and would love to have kids some day. I can't help but think that if we did get together - and if we did have kids (he doesn't have any, but it's his number one dream) then when they were in their 20's, I would be in my 50's and he would be over 65! Granted, he's in much better physical shape than I am, but I can't help thinking that he would be extremely old at that point. (I don't mean to offend anyone in that age bracket, I'm just trying to be realistic.) Am I jumping to too many conclusions? Is this my negative way of thinking shining through? Or could it possibily work?

jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 5/30/2007 4:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi sadsong..
I think that you have handled the whole situation really well..personally I would have given the paperweight back to him..and told him it was a lovely thought but I couldn't possibly accept it..that way surely he must get the hint :-)  and especially when you already feel unconfortable about the whole situation.
Talking to Employment Assistance is a great idea..I look forward to hearing what they have to say..
Keep posting.
Maree
Forum Moderator - Depression
Forum Moderator - Anxiety-Panic Disorders
 
 
Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. 
*
May your troubles be less,
and your blessings be more..
And nothing but happiness come thru your door :))

May your day be filled with laughter and love.

***

 


 


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/31/2007 4:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Sadsong

Love does not care about age.
And being a young mom myself,I know that if I would have waited until now to have kids I would have had alot more patience.
Hey,they guy is great,you enjoy being around him..what could be wrong?


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.
www.healingwell.com/donate


www.myspace.com/ShynSassy315

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


_Christina
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 553
   Posted 5/31/2007 9:10 PM (GMT -7)   
nono  Work romance nono
 
tongue  Have fun, if you can handle the reaction from junior high guy when he finds out that dreamboat  and you are an item.
 
As for the age difference, don't give it another thought.  Age looses significance at some point in your twenties.  What matters much more is the connection between two people.  Take it slow and enjoy the time.
Christina
 
When you cannot stand, on whom do you lean?


Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 6/5/2007 4:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Okay, I talked to my therapist and the folks at work that specialize in work related or family related concerns about "junior high guy". It's funny they both had similar but different reactions. My therapist suggested giving him back the "gift" and talking with him to find out where he's coming from and figure out a way to resolve the situation peacefully by approaching him in a laid-back, non-threating manner. While the woman I spoke with at work assured me that the state does not tolorate any sort of harrassment and if I want this guy to leave me alone, and I've already explained that to him on at least two separate occassions, then it was time for him to understand that there would be consequences if he continued to persue me. So, I wrote him a short and to the point note thanking him for the "gift", but stating that I was not interested in him in a romantic way nor as a friend, as I've already made clear. I also noted that if tried to contact me again then I would report him to Human Resources. I dropped the note along with the gift to our department secretary so I wouldn't have to confront him. When I swung by her desk later that morning the package with the gift and note were gone, so I know he picked it up. I hope it resolves the situtation - I'm just so sick of having to deal with ****ed up guys who haven't got a ****ing clue.

Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 6/11/2007 2:09 PM (GMT -7)   
I thought "junior high" boy got the message, but apparently not.  When I was walking into work late last week, he must of came in right after me, since he said "I'm gonna walk really slowly down this hallway."  (he has a very distinctive voice, so I know it was him)  Now, that sentence doesn't make much sense, especially if he wasn't walking in with anyone else (I didn't turn around, since I figured it was best to ignore him) unless it was directed at me to let me know he was gonna try and stay as far away as possible from me.  So, I relayed this info to the woman I spoke with at work, (she asked me to give her a call to follow up) thinking that since I'd returned the gift and explained in the note that I was not interested it was over.  But, she said that his behavior was unacceptable and that it needed to be reported.  So, I did.  I didn't want to get him in trouble, but I really feel uncomfortable around him and I've really tried to be cordial, but it seems like he has a screw lose and had blown this whole thing completely out of proportion.  I mean I could understand his reaction if we were in junior high, I could also understand it if we had been dating for several years and I had broken off a wedding or something.  But, to act this way because I don't happen to want to go out on a date with him is completely wacky!  I mean why can't he say to himself, well at least she was honest, I can appreciate her honesty and move on.  I mean that would be the mature response right?  I mean it seems like he's re-enacting his break up with his ex-wife with me, just because I don't like him!  AGH!  The woman I spoke with in our Human Services depart was very understanding and told me that I did the right thing and that this kinda of stuff happens quite a lot and she will speak with his supervisor and meet with him to explain to him that this type of "retailiation" (her words not mine) is not acceptable.  I just want a normal life.  And be able to have a normal relationship with a nice, cute, unattached, emotionally stable man who is in my age bracket!

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/12/2007 4:34 AM (GMT -7)   
You did the right thing...it really sounds like this guy has a screw loose and you should be very careful around him.

Does your work have a security guy to walk you to your car?


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.
www.healingwell.com/donate


www.myspace.com/ShynSassy315

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 6/22/2007 1:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Well, I reported it to HR and it's taken what feels like forever for the woman in HR to talk to his supervisor about how his behavior is inappropriate.  I haven't bumped into him since the last run in, but I hope this will solve the problem.

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/23/2007 4:54 AM (GMT -7)   
They should be on it right away..they have no idea what this man is capable of.

Maybe I am overreacting....


Just be careful!


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.
www.healingwell.com/donate


www.myspace.com/ShynSassy315

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

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