How do I deal with a friend with major depression?

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Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 32
   Posted 6/1/2007 5:22 PM (GMT -6)   
A girlfriend of mine is really not doing well at all. She has taken a leave of absence from work and basically stays in bed all day long. She is currently taking cymbalta, but it doesn't seem to be working that well from my stand point because she is still in bed every day. I have called her almost everyday and we set up lunches and dinners to just get out of the house, but then she cancels every time. She was seeing a therapist, but I don't think she has been going lately. I feel really bad for her, but I don't know the correct words to say to get her to come out and try to get a little enjoyment. I am not a depressed person at all, and its all I can do to not drag her out of bed and ask whats so bad in her life that she's so sad. This is very confusing to me. How can she not want to help herself? I just don't understand. Please advise.

15 year old son dxd with chrons 12/06.
Obstruction in duodenum, current meds are Prednisone, Remicade.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 6/1/2007 8:23 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi mlfsandiego, I am very sorry about your friend.  The odd thing about depression is that there may not be any one thing about a persons life that is "so bad" for them to feel depressed but yet they still do.  This isnt something they bring on themselves or wish for, it is a very serious, devastating disease that claims many lives each year due to people who ignore the symptoms of it or refuse to continue treatment.

Dragging your friend out of bed isnt going to help matters.  What I would recommend is popping over there and sitting her down and just telling her how concerned you are for her and try to encourage her to seek help.  If she is on cymbalta then it is apparent that 1) either she stopped taking it or 2) it isnt being effective for her.  Either way she needs professional help as soon as possible.

Please do keep posting and let us know how she is doing.  Good luck and take care

Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 6/9/2007 12:39 AM (GMT -6)   
:-)  From a standpoint of having depression and having no friends is that it is imperative that you be A friend!!!!!  I have had "acquaintances" that I thought were friends until they needed to be there for me more than I could be there for them, they were no longer.  The biggest thing with having a friend with depression is to understand this:
>when you want to talk for hours on the phone and we dont-it is not that we dont want to talk to you it is because maybe our depression keeps us from even wanting to answer the phone
>If you find that you tend to have to share more of the load of being the shoulder, be a bigger shoulder, dont condemn us for not being as good a friend as you are
>When you have great news or have something wonderful happen for you and we seem not to share your excitement, dont take it personal, it is just that we are envious of what you are experiencing because when we experience an event that is that exciting, it is usually the fact that we were able to go a day without a tear.
SO PLEASE.......yes it so hard to be "our" friend and you will sometimes feel unappreciated, believe me when I say this, WE LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOU MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW!!!!!  AND IT IS YOU THAT IS POSSIBLY THE REASON THAT WE LIVE!!!  I have no one like this.  It is sad and I have not been fortunate enough to have anyone withstand the woes of this illness and has continued to be my best girlfriend even til now.
Good luck to you and remember these things because anyone that reads this will agree that sometimes it is hard just to "be"

"There is in every true woman's heart a spark of heavenly fire,
which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity;
but which kindles up, and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity."
Washington Irving


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