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_Christina
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 553
   Posted 6/4/2007 11:01 AM (GMT -7)   
This last weekend was one of the worst.  Let be give you a brief runndown, and ask some questions at the end.
 
Thursday Night- I couldn't sleep.  I took Lunesta, which has been working for about a month, but still wasn't close to sleepy.  I spent the whole night online (at this site, no less)
 
I was up all day Friday taking care of 3 small children.  I cought a 90 minute nap, but was OK.  I have anxeiety about money and our upcoming budget after I stop working to go to school this fall, but not terrible.  It seemed that the more teired I got, the more I worried about it.
 
Friday Night- I could't sleep.  I took the Lunesta again, and slept till about 12:30 from 10, but them pretty much laid awake all night.  I didn't think about anything in particular.  The "depressed" thoughts came back.
 
Saturday I went to work from 8-5.  Sometimes I got so sleepy it felt like I was spinning.  My depression was on full force.  I am able to hide it with clients, but cried anytime I was alone.  I wanted to hurt myself, but only for the attention that it would cause.  I knew that even when I was thinking it.
 
Saturday Night- I got 6 hours of sleep, but I must have woken up a half dozen times that night.  I went right back out, but got up more sleepy than I went down.
 
I skipped church in the AM, but had to attend the kid's program in the afternoon since I hade made the commitment, (and the kid's wanted to attend).  I was lucky just to get the kids and myself dressed and fed that day.  I felt unable to function at all.  I could bearly hold a conversation without crying all over the person.
 
Sunday Night- I slept for 6 hours strait through.  I didn't fall asleep till 12, even with the Lunesta, but it was continuious sleep, so I feel like a new person today.
 
Today I feel like the weekend was something I could have possibly made up, although I know I didn't.  I feel analitical about it.  I still feel slightly shaky, nervous, and distracted.  I could sleep longer if I had the time, and I still feel like I could do something to draw attention to myself- although I am no planning on doing it.  I want to- but I don't.  Like I am fighting with another part of myself.
 
Has anyone else had times like this?
Does anyone else have a story similar to this?
I was doing fine, then it's like i was kicked down a few notches.
What would you reccomend that I do to feel better and prevent this in the future?
 
Christina
 
When you cannot stand, on whom do you lean?


faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 6/4/2007 12:33 PM (GMT -7)   
sad  I am so sorry to hear about your weekend.  Unfortunately I can offer no real advice only that I understand.  Friday night was an awful evening for me.  The beginning of the evening was wonderful and actually the last couple weeks had been magical.  However, that all can a to an end later Friday night.  All I wanted to do was sleep, I totally destroyed my house by throwing things, breaking things, screaming, just utterly lost my mind over something I have been trying to do all along, tell the truth.  I am not even going into it but I just want to say to you that if these weekends are constant for you, get help!  Believe me, I know.  I just wanted to sleep after this happened and lets just say that I did indeed take my sleeping pills to sleep, more than what the dosage said and I decided today that I am alone and need help, dont let this happen to you.


_Christina
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 553
   Posted 6/4/2007 12:49 PM (GMT -7)   
I had been having a great couple of weeks before this as well. I had been starting to deal with what "caused" the depression. I found out that much of what I pride myself in (hard working, "driven") is actually well beyond unhealthy.
I have been trying to figure out what parts of my life could be changed to make me better able to handle life in a healthy way.
I think I "filled my plate" too much too fast. I felt paralized and couldn't work on ANYTHING. I had to push off responsibilities on other people before I "crashed", and obviously I "crashed" anyway.

My Dr thinks that I might have some simularities to BiPolor. I didn't think so. Now, I'm not so sure. I don't know what to think.

Christina
Christina
 
When you cannot stand, on whom do you lean?


anja78
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 6/4/2007 5:19 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm glad you are talking to a Dr. about it - that's a great step. In a way I can relate to what you are going through except I just tend ''not' to do things and sleep all the time. I'm sure it's my way of not dealing with the tough issues going on in my life. I don't like my job so I don't go on certain days and sleep instead.
But, I think, like you, I go through these episodes where one second I'm happy and the next second I'm anxious and then depressed.
Do you go to a pychologist or just a general fam. pract. dr? Let me know if you ever decide you want to chat... I'm always ready to listen.
I hope you've been doing better since then. Take care!

LG
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 6/4/2007 6:38 PM (GMT -7)   
If its any consolation i also had a miserable weekend. i had four soccer games (i have been trying to quit for a while now b/c i am a goalie and always end up getting hurt, and I stress myself out about it--and i definatley dont need any more stress in my life, and for some reason I just could not stop crying this weekend. Well i rarely cry in front of people, but whenever i would sit down to think or do work. Anyone ever feel that way? where nothing in particuliar is wrong but more just like all the things you try to hide from everyone seem to sneak up all at once? And then thinking about everything just made me feel like a bad person and then made me cry even more, and then i would feel bad about being sad and as you can see it became a cycle.
But then i did get to go to church on sunday which made me feel better, and i went running a few times which helped. but i ended up feeling badly bc i kept breaking down in front of my mom. i always feel bad if anyone ever realizes im upset.
sorry about that long ramble--hope everyone's doing well
Live-Love-Laugh
Hope everyone has a great day!
-LG


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/5/2007 4:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Christina
I too have bad bad weekends,or sometimes just bad weeks.
Also I can get really bad about 1-2 weeks before my period,and then during.
I think my brain goes whacky and all I want to do is cry!


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.
www.healingwell.com/donate


www.myspace.com/ShynSassy315

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


_Christina
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 553
   Posted 6/5/2007 10:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Tuesday- I had a full night's sleep last night.  I slept from 11ish to 6:30 and woke probably only once or twice. Life just looks a lot better with a full night of sleep behind you.
I'm at work, and my job is one of the stresser types.  I have 268 clients who are Breastfeeding small children.  I am there to answer questins and help if problems come up.  Not everyone needs help all the time, but I get more requests for help than I have the capasity to get bact to. 
I feel like I don't want to talk to anyone.  It is too much work to put on the happy face and I just don't want to deal with it if I don't have to.  All of the emotions from the weekend have left me exausted.  I look "chipper" for my classes, but I haven't called a client back all day.
 
I know that I am upset, but I have put a "block" on it and can't even feel good.  If my kids do somethig sweet, I will feel the warmth of it, but since that got through, the hurtfull feelings flood out and I start to cry.  I have to leave before I frighten them.
 
My husband's depression has "flaired up" with the strain of dealing with my depression since December.  I have seen a Pychologist since february, but I see him ever 4-6 weeks and he just asks if I feel better yet.  I feel as if I let him down by not being "cured" since last seeing him.
He doesn't know what he has perscribed me or what dose until I correct him, then he opens my chart, right there in front of me.
I also have been seeing a counselor since april.  At least she remembers my name.  She has been the biggest help, and if I find a med that works, I will stop the Dr, and just go to the counselor.
If anyone gets a chance, look up Porcelain Heart by BarlowGirl or Stand in the Rain by Superchicks.  They describe what I feel so well.
Christina
 
When you cannot stand, on whom do you lean?


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/6/2007 4:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Christina
I think it might be time to start looking for a different doctor. You need to feel that he understands,I really think that will help with the depression.
And I also suggest counseling for both you and your husband.

I so hope you start to feel better!


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.
www.healingwell.com/donate


www.myspace.com/ShynSassy315

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

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