Post Edited (hurt 110) : 6/8/2007 3:01:49 PM (GMT-6)
"There is in every true woman's heart a spark of heavenly fire,which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity;but which kindles up, and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity."Washington Irving
I can feel the pain in your words and this is the first time you have lost someone you loved. I had 4 children and I remember when they each went through the loss of someone they trusted would be with them forever. They were crushed and sure they were the most digusting, pathetic person in the world.
They also felt like they had done something wrong. Why do we always think it is something we did and take all the blame?
I don't know if you have a therapist that you are seeing but if not I think that would be the way to go now. Learn to love yourself first and know there will be bumps in the road but you have what it takes to keep on going or you would not be talking to us.
Take care of you and do not beat yourself up. You are a truly a good person and there are better things ahead for you, just get through this to the other side. Keep posting