will it go away?

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hurt 110
New Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 6/8/2007 3:56 PM (GMT -6)   
I am an 18 year old girl. I just was told yesterday that I am severely depressed and am suffering from anxiety attacks. I know the reason why, but I am scared I will never be able to stop it. I recently was in a relationship.. with a girl. I have never been involved with or interested in any other girls, but thi was my best friend and it lasted over a year. We fought all the time and were on and off, but recently she just got involved with someone.. and this time I know hse has moved on. This girl she is with now is in my school. Whenever I see her I get major anxiety. I left my senior awards night becuse I could not stand to sit near this girl (we are both in the top 10 of our class, i have to sit with her). I do not want to go to my own graduation. I am not going back to school. I feel like quitting my job, I don't want to do anything. I stay up all night because I can't sleep because all I can do is think and cry, and my heart beats faster than ever. I try to forget about her but she was the first person I ever loved and I feel like I will never get over her. I wanted her back so bad this time. I was ready to be open and to do everything we wanted. She used to tell me she wanted to marry me. Now I have nothing. She told me she will never be with me again and that she really likes this girl. She told me to move on because hse did and she is happy. It breaks my heart to know that I will never be able to kiss her again or have her hold me like hse used to, not to mention that she is telling another girl the things she told me. I feel absolutely terrible every day.. i try to break the habit of talking to her, but yesterday she contacted me because she had been told I didn't go to school and noticed I was not in my house. I was not goign to call her and tell her I was depressed. But I did. And once again I am stuck and all I can think about is her. I just want her to come back to me and everything will be okay.
Will this feeling ever go away.

Post Edited (hurt 110) : 6/8/2007 3:01:49 PM (GMT-6)

Chasing Rainbows
New Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 6/8/2007 5:32 PM (GMT -6)   
The truth is, if she does come back, nothing will be the same. You say you have nothing, and I know that it feels that way, I have good days and bad days. Days where I feel close to people, days where I feel like I can't stand to be here. The main thing is to accept that the feeling might not go away, but I can tell you that you might meet someone else, and you will feel something so much stronger than you thought love is. Trust me on that. If you hadn't broken up, you might not meet someone that you love far far more in the future. You wouldn't be talking to me now, and I'm not saying that this message will help you atall, but I want you to know that I can't sleep some nights. I stay up all night, thinking, wondering. Trust me when I say that you'll have good days soon. and don't not go back to school! You're amazing, top ten in your class, what an amazing achievment! You deserve to stay at school, don't let her think she controls you! you're a strong person and your life is YOURS and you certainly don't need her.

Have faith in yourself.

Chasing Rainbows.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 6/9/2007 12:20 AM (GMT -6)   
confused  The first thing that you need to do is take care of you!  I know that you are going through depression and sadness with the loss of someone that to others may look like that bad guy and whether or not she is, you need to take care of you and then be healthy enough to make a decision to yourself that this person is worthy of the healthy person you are!!!!!
Advice is easy to give. The reason I say this is that I practice what I preach, it is the hardest thing in the world to do but the alternative is too lay down.  It is important to the person that l love to get better to get strong, pathetic as it may sound that wills me to get better because in my heart of hearts, healthy is attractive and I deserve it and so do you!!
Good luck honey!

"There is in every true woman's heart a spark of heavenly fire,
which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity;
but which kindles up, and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity."
Washington Irving


Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/9/2007 12:48 AM (GMT -6)   

Dear Hurt,

I can feel the pain in your words and this is the first time you have lost someone you loved.  I had 4 children and I remember when they each went through the loss of someone they trusted would be with them forever. They were crushed and sure they were the most digusting, pathetic person in the world.

They also felt like they had done something wrong. Why do we always think it is something we did and take all the blame?

I don't know if you have a therapist that you are seeing but if not I think that would be the way to go now.  Learn to love yourself first and know there will be bumps in the road but you have what it takes to keep on going or you would not be talking to us.

Take care of you and do not beat yourself up. You are a truly a good person and there are better things ahead for you, just get through this to the other side. Keep posting

Gentle Hugs

Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/10/2007 7:30 AM (GMT -6)   
First of all I want to welcome you to the board,I am very glad that you found us.

Losing someone is so hard. You feel like you will never love again,and your heart hurts everytime you breath it seems like.
But,the truth is,you will wake up one day and the pain will be a little less,then a week later it will be even more less. Until one day you wake up and you realize you haven't thought about that person in a very long time.

Loosing our first love is probably one of the hardest lessons life gives us. But You can get thru it. I promise.

Can you go to your school counselor and talk to them? Is it possible to go to your mom and talk to her? I am very worried about you and think you need to get in to see someone right away.

Please keep us posted.

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.


"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

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