misunderstood? Anyone?

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Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 122
   Posted 6/11/2007 7:41 PM (GMT -6)   
I don't know if anyone else has this experience.  Do you ever find yourself putting your foot in your mouth (sometimes both)?  You get asked a question, not sure how to answer it and choose your words poorly and end up offending someone.  In a conversation, phrasing something a certain way and offending someone, when what they think you said is the furthest from what you actually meant?  And after it happens, you go over it in your head again and again, torturing yourself with it?  I seem to do it a lot.  And I get so mad at myself.  I don't have a critical bone in my body, but I tend to state things as I see them.  And I feel like there's a filter missing sometimes that creates confusion and usually ends up with someone taking offence, even if there was never any offence meant.  And trying to explain myself and clarify never seems to help.  They are suddenly judging me based on that one comment. 
I can't tell if this is because of the brain fog of the depression, cause I really hate when I do it, but no matter what I do, I don't seem to be able to prevent it.  I also suffer with Fibromyalgia and I know that with that, it can make speaking and choosing your words more of a challenge. 
But I'm wondering if anybody else who suffers with depression has this problem? 
I'm finding it's making me very socially phobic.  I hate talking on the phone.  The idea of going into places where I have to interact and talk with people almost scares me.  I just feel like I can't trust myself.  I'm analyzing everything, all the time.  Even this post, I will likely re-read it 10 times before I post it cause I want to make sure I haven't said anything that could be construed as offensive....  I feel safest hiding behind my computer cause I can filter my writing more than the spoken word.  Once you have spoken, you can't take it back.  Writing you can reread and edit.  Not that that always prevents it.  When I write my husband letters trying to explain myself, he almost never understands what I'm trying to say, and somehow turns it around to mean something I hadn't intended. 
If anyone else does have this problem, are there any things you do to lessen it or stop it?  How do you deal with it after it happens?  Have you lost many friends?  That's part of the reason I am posting this is cause I feel like I'm on the verge of loosing a friend I've had for 29 years (we've grown up together since we were both in diapers).  And what hurts the most, is I would've thought that she of all people would be more understanding.  She knows me better than almost anyone, and yet there never seems to be any room for forgiveness and understanding.  So I just feel lost and at times, ready to give up.
Anyways, I just wanted to throw this out and see if I get any feedback.

 It would be easier to tell people I have cancer than it is to tell them I am severely depressed.....

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 83
   Posted 6/11/2007 9:12 PM (GMT -6)   
Well from my experience with my friend I have offended her when I tryed to say it as nicely as i could.  For example, I told her that she is spending not much time with me like she used to but she will willingly be with her boyfriend and other friends of both of us.  She seems to never want to be around me because I just state what I think is going on and she gets mad and saying I get in the way of everyone i'm around.  That makes me feel like a TERRIBLE friend!  Plus, I am a person that doesn't get into fights alot or get violent/physical with people unlike they do to me.  My friends usually make rude/mean comments to me and laugh.  I laugh the first few times but after a while I say can you stop it hurts but they don't BUT if I do it to them they hate me and won't talk to me.
I have lost my best friend because of saying things that I want to get off my chest and she takes it the wrong way every single time.  plus she doesn't like me as a close friend anymore because I did cut myself and thought about suicide and I have said I'm sorry but she has never given me a forgiveness.  LIke a friend does when her boyfriend broke his neck and need surgery i was in the hospital supporting her for 2 whole days and I NEVER got a Thank You.  I hope you don't lose yours!!!!!
"If life isn't fun then you must be doing it wrong."
         Sue F.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 6/11/2007 10:52 PM (GMT -6)   
sad  Hi slowly~
I know what you are talking about. I have experienced the inability to put my words together on occasions.  I have always been a well-versed person and within the last year i have noticed that I have a hard time putting my thoughts in words.  I have even noticed that when i journal or write something to someone, i reread it and it is missing words or sentences dont make sense. I hate this!!!!!!
What i have tried to do is hesitate when i talk and try to put my words together, i get interrupted quite a bit but I get my point across better.
I can relate with how frustrating this is.

"There is in every true woman's heart a spark of heavenly fire,
which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity;
but which kindles up, and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity."
Washington Irving


Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/13/2007 6:54 AM (GMT -6)   
I am going through that with my b/f's family. They are all freaking whiners that have never really known what a real problem is. They love drama,they love to fight and talk behind each other's backs. And I get so sick of it.
It is so unpleasant to hang out with them. But if I don't then my b/f gets upset.
So I find myself getting angry with them and making snide comments. I of course feel bad right afterwards and have decided that I just need to duct tape my mouth before I get into trouble!!

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.


"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

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