Feeling Down :(, please answer I need some support.

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scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 6/12/2007 1:56 AM (GMT -7)   
 
I have now had depression for 6 months, I don't feel I have gotten any better with councilling or meds. I feel as if I am waiting for something to happen everyday! As if I am outside watching in on my life go by. I hate this, and I really hate my life right now. I sit and have small flickers of normality, how my life used to be.
 
How I am just now seems the norm for me, its like this is my life, I  have gotten so used to living like this.
 
I think back on how I used to be before I was diagnosed, the memories of me laughing, out with friends etc, and I just don't seem to be the same person. I was reading conversations I had back in October of last year on IM, and I am nowhere near what I was like then, I liked who and where I was in life back then.
 
What probabley mostly annoys me about this is the weirdness I hold towrds my boyfriend. I cannot explain this feeling, to be an emotion, just a feeling in my chest, like a large lump in my throat, and the feeling that someone has winded me. When I am not with him, i miss him, I think about him, I talk about him, I am hurt if someone bad mouths him,I like being with him, I hurt to think of us splitting up, I look forward to him texting me everyday, if he doesn't I get upset, if someone suggests us splitting up I sort of have a mini panic attack and I think I'd be lost with out him. But at the same time I still get these horrible feelings that creep in. Its like everything can be going great between us and then I think 'oh that feeling isn't there' and it appears. Its like it has to invade in everything.
 
I have wrote in my pervious post all the other things I am feeling at the moment, so I won't bother writing them here.
 
I really don't know what to do, the odcs and councillor won't adjust my meds or do anything else for me. Surely there has to be other options, I CANNOT live like this. I am ruining my life.
 
Thanks
 
Katie x
** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **


Dansky
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Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 2844
   Posted 6/12/2007 2:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Katie,

My initial thoughts after reading your post are:

1. Go to another doctor and councillor and ask for a second opinion, of course it is essential to open up completely so that these professionals can assist you correctly.

2. Regarding the texting, it seems to me like you cling on to the phone awaiting the text from your boyfriend, maybe that is preventing you from concentrating on other thoughts and preventing you from getting on with life, so turn your phone off, it might be frustrating for you at first because you'd be thinking has he sent me a text? But you'd probably have more to talk about when you see him if you hadn't communicated in that way. Remember that old saying 'distance makes the heart grow fonder'

Hey I'm no expert on this matter, I have only recently been diagnosed with depression but I think I'm a logical kind of guy, and that's how I see it.

Take care.

Dave
Dansky Co-moderator UC forum
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snowflake
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Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 6/12/2007 3:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh Katie thats not good about your dr and to hear you have not made much progress with your councilling but when i think back it did take me a long time before i made any head way at all seeing my psychologist .I had been keeping so much to myself and really not wanting to tell anyone some of the stuff that i had been through .
As for your b/f don`t give up on him he really loves you and will be there for you .At the moment i`m treating my family so badly i just don`t want to be around them and have been pushing them all away , but then when my hubby is not here i really miss him so much .
The part where you are just watching your life go bye i have found i`m like it especially these past five years i just want the world to stop and give me a rest and to let me catch up on what i`m missing out on .I can`t even remember the last time i laughed or even enjoyed being with my family .
If at all possible i would recommend seeing another dr for another opinion especially if that one won`t address your concerns .
Take care my dear friend email me any time .I`ll be there to listen anytime you need .Jane
Restless
~~~~  If no one else cares i do  ~~~~~


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/12/2007 4:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Katie
I really think it is time to contact the doctor and let them know that the therapy is not working.
It took them almost a year to find the right med combo for me. And I went through 3 different counselors before I found someone I was comfortable with.



Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.
www.healingwell.com/donate


www.myspace.com/ShynSassy315

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


gmaA
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 117
   Posted 6/12/2007 6:07 AM (GMT -7)   
I am so sorry u are feeling this way.  Your post caught my eye this morning and i have gone back and read your first post and a numerous amount of your more recent posts.
 
I wanted to let you know that with depression and anxiety, it can often feel like it will never get better and that you have done everything you know to do to make it better and nothing works.
 
I have been married now for 22 years; I was 16 and my husband 18 when we were married and we had dated for almost 3 yrs.  We wanted to get married, but we were really young.  Anyway I got pregnant 2 mos before my 16th bday. So in June, got married -October had daughter. 
 
Point is at age 15 I had truely disappointed my parents and others; At age 18 my father was killed instantly on a Monday morning at the age of 40 in a car wreck by a drunk driver.Age 20, had a son and was in hospital a lot due to premature labor, he was born early and had to be on a ventilator wasn't sure if he would make it; he did and he is fine. The entire first year of his life though he was sick constantly.  When he was 4 mos old my husband joined the Army,The Iraq stuff kicked off when he went in.  He was in basic training when our son had to have tubes put in his ears; I was there to do everything by myself, work, raise 2 kids, figure out how to pay bills, etc...
 
Then while husband still in basic training, son was 6 mos old, a tornado hit my in-laws home where i was at the time.  There was no warnings it just came up out of the clear blue sky litterally; It took the roof off the house, totalled all of our cars and this was a brick house;
Anyway I was terrified - I thought we were going to die.....I lived in a mobile home, so I was
really scared about that.  For a long time I could barely eat, if a leaf would move on a tree I was petrified!!! couldn't determine how weather was at any moment - it was awful. I was hyperventilating, having heart palpitations, couln't sleep, felt dizzy, had no energy, etc...
 
Finally, I went to a psychiatrist she said I had PTSD, anxiety, and major depression. Put me on meds - antidepressant. She also told me that it wasn't just the tornado that caused this, i had had so much stress that it was like having a tea cup that u are constantly dropping a drop into and when the tornado hit, the teacup runneth over and my body couldn't take anymore stress. But, although I understood what was happening to me now and why, that medicine alone didn't really help me that much.
 
We moved all the way across the US on the first assignment.  I had never been away from my home where I grew up and I was 20 yrs old.  Was excited and scared to move:  still terribly scared of storms & I still battled depression and anxiety.  I also did stupid stuff like get in closets and things to protect us when they called for storms, very embarrassing and unneccessary, so people made fun of it and I hated being that way, but I couldn't help it + on top of that I got homesick often.
 
Several years later, we came back home, but husband still in military... Saw my regular doctor, because I was having weird & scary things going on, like chest pain and dizziness and stuff & she gave me Xanax to take when I needed it and set me up an appt with my counselor.  I saw counselor and psychiatrist they started me on new meds - didn't help, so they increased my dose x 2 more times.  Funny thing is, when a storm would come up, I wouldn't take the Xanax
because if I did, then I couldn't feel like I could protect us and know what was going on, because it made me sleepy, but if I was just upset and anxious about other stuff i did take it and it helped a lot.  Well next thing ya know I was really hurt emotionally by a distant family member & that made things even worse.
 
  Anyway at this point when meds didn't help me much, my counselor suggested getting intensive outpatient treatment w/group therapy.  I did not like this idea and I fought it.
I called her up and said I don't want to go; She said for once do something for yourself, just go one time, if you don't feel comfortable, u never have to go again.  So I reluctantly agreed.
This worked!!!!!
  So, u see it took me a long time to get to feeling better, mainly because I didn't keep getting professional help like I needed to for a long time, we moved and the first medicine didn't really work that good, so I just didn't.  But then when I went back to my reg doctor and then started seeing the counselor and the psychiatrist, and kept going and telling them that I wasn't any better, I finally got on the right meds and went to the outpatient program everyday for weeks, I did get better.
 
I still suffer from depression, anxiety, and PTSD and I always will, I have to take my medicines.
I am a lot better now.  I still have times when things upset me and get me really down, and when I get that way, I tell my doctor and sometimes they up my dosage of my anti-depressant, and usually when I get to feeling better, we go back down on the dosages. 
 
This turned out really long and I am sorry for that, but what my point really is, is this:  I didn't know what was wrong with me after that tornado, I hated the way I was and how I treated others.  I was never suicidal, but I didn't want to live that way and it depressed me bad.  I thought I would never ever get better, but I did!!!!
  Keep going to a doctor, like the others have said, go to one you feel comfortable with and who you feel like is trying to help you, but know that they are going to be honest with you and you have to be honest with them too, or you will never get the help u need, and it may be hard to discuss some things (painful and embarrassing), but open up to them. 
 
I hope you get the help you need and deserve.  You are still the old you, it is just hard to find the old you right now, but you will.  Good Luck.

severe post-infectious ibs d x 4 yrs alternating now w/ibs c; gerd; hx of c-diff; arthromyalgia; (probably fibromyalgia - ruling out RA), migraines, anxiety, depression, ptsd; endometriosis; gallbladder removed; liver adenoma removed; multiple hospitilizations for abd pain; hysterectomy + adhesion removal;  meds: fentanly patches, oxycodone, cymbalta, mobic, vivelle patch, as needed= xanax, clonopin, maxalt, phenergan, levosin, amitiza, restoril & atarax


goddess0728
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 81
   Posted 6/12/2007 1:27 PM (GMT -7)   
scotsgal:

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way..

as others have previously said, you may need a different counselor..I have done therapy 3 previous times..once at 16, one at 23 and once at 28. Currently I decided that I needed a "refresher" as I could sense that the depression was slowly returning....

When I started counseling at 16 I was first sent to a man that could have been Freud's twin. Not someone a 16 yr old girl will open up to! But then I found another counselor, and she helped me immensely. Same thing almost at 23. Started with one counselor who just wasn't a good fit, I couldn't be honest and open..so I tried again and found a great man who I felt really "got me". He even recommended meds which I had never tried before and after 6 weeks I felt like a whole new person. At 28, I had some life changes that I was confused about and went back to see the same man again. Again he helped me, but if I had not decided the first counselor was not right for me, I never would have felt better.

Now at 42, I am back in therapy with a wonderful counselor. SHE has even said that sometimes you need to try a counselor or 2 before you find the one that works for you.

This is kind of a rambling answer, but I just want to encourage you to try someone else. I know, BELIEVE ME, how hard it is to make a decision and/or advocate for yourself when depressed, but you deserve it. If the counselor isn't working for you, you should find another one. Please hang in there and keep trying. Let us know what happens in the future :)

take care and please don't give up

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/13/2007 4:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Katie
How are you doing? I am very worried about you.


Please give us an update.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.
www.healingwell.com/donate


www.myspace.com/ShynSassy315

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 6/13/2007 4:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Hiya,
 
I'm ok today not too good, but not too bad...so far anyway.
 
Kept crying last night, floods of tears for silly or no reason.
 
Feeling really down, My mum phoned me at work and right away she said " Are you ok you sound awfully down".
 
Had to miss my councilling session today due to work not letting me off. God knows when I'll get to see her next. Things is I don't think I'm getting much help anyway.
 
Oh I just don't know what to do! It feels like crying is all I can do!!
** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/13/2007 5:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Scotsgal,

Have you thought about getting a second opinion?



Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.
www.healingwell.com/donate


www.myspace.com/ShynSassy315

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


Dansky
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 2844
   Posted 6/13/2007 5:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Scotsgal,

I'm actually quite annoyed that your works didn't let you go to your appointment, I think you should check with the Citizens advice bureau (SP) I'm sure that they can't stop you from going to such appointments, did you give them plenty of notice?

The way I see it is that was a medical appointment, and noone can stop you from going to one, as already mentioned, get second opinions if you don't agree with your medical team. I'm assuming you are in the UK if I'm right take a look on the attached website if you haven't already, I'm sure you can get addresses and names of doctors in your area. http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/index.aspx

If you're not in the UK take the first 3 letters of assume and put them in front of my name :-)

Take care.

Dave
Dansky Co-moderator UC forum
 TAKE FLYING LESSONS ON A MOUNTAIN BIKE TODAY!
Bisoprolol Fumarate
Lisinopril
Sulfasalazine
Azathioprine
Prednisolone
Pariet
Citalopram Hydrobromide
 http://www.healingwell.com/donate/

 

 


scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 6/13/2007 5:59 AM (GMT -7)   
There is nowhere else to go really :s

I cannot for the life of me find a psych anywhere or councillor, and I have tried. I live in Scotland in a place called Fife so if anyone can help me I'd be so incredibley grateful.

My GP practise only has 2 docs aswell and both them say they are not keen on putting an 18 year old on meds, and more or less I am lucky to be on the ones I have. (I seriously beg to differ, they make me worse)

Thanks for all your support, its great knowing you are all there =D
** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **


Dansky
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 2844
   Posted 6/13/2007 6:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Scotsgal,

Here's the relevant page to get you info for GP's in your area, you just need to fill in your postcode and tick which service you are looking for.

http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/find/results/index.aspx

Take care.

Dave
Dansky Co-moderator UC forum
 TAKE FLYING LESSONS ON A MOUNTAIN BIKE TODAY!
Bisoprolol Fumarate
Lisinopril
Sulfasalazine
Azathioprine
Prednisolone
Pariet
Citalopram Hydrobromide
 http://www.healingwell.com/donate/

 

 


scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 6/14/2007 1:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks I will try and sort something today. I'm just so busy just now :(
** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/14/2007 5:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Scotsgal,
Please keep us updated on your progress.. hang in there you can get through this.

Also, even here the doctors do not like to put younger people on meds. But,I agree that they need it. Life is so hard anymore and a teen has to go through so much.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.
www.healingwell.com/donate


www.myspace.com/ShynSassy315

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

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