Ok guys it is my turn to blow

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ShynSassy
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Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/15/2007 4:06 AM (GMT -7)   
I have had such a hard time lately keeping my depression to a level that I can handle.
But,things are starting to build and I am afraid that I am going to blow big this time.

Daughter is giving me alot of trouble. She will be 20 on Halloween this year. She lost her temp job,I had been telling her all year that a temp job means just that "temp",but she just let it go. She owes me alot of money right now,and her dad informed her that when his new wife's baby is born she has to move out. Ok,I told her that she could move in with us ONLY if she went back to school and got a part time job.
She has not done anything. She has no plan on what she is going to do.
Now,Please don't lecture me on this one guys,it is my belief and I am not going to budge.
Last year she decided to start dating this kid from school. He was black,he talked and treated her like crap. I freaked out of course. It lasted about a month and she finally had enough and called it quits. We spoke about it last weekend and she admitted to me that she did it just to get a rise out of me. She never rebelled when she was a kid so I just chalked it up as that.
I am not racist,my best friend is black and she even agrees that my daughter is just asking for problems. I just do not want her to have to defend herself.
That was last weekend. On Tuesday her brother called me to tell me that she had been talking to this other kid online,and met him and after 2 days they decided they were dating. OMG He is black,he has no job,he has no car,and he does not sleep at home very often,just stays where he can.
I told her that I love her I will always be there for her,but I can not support this.
She of course is very upset with me. But,I am sorry I can't do it. She is so beautiful and I think she sells herself short.

I will go into the other crap later...I just don't know how to make her understand that this was the way I was raised and when people have beliefs they just can't change overnight.

I want her to go back to school,I want her to get a job. I do not want her to get pregnant like I did at 18 and have a kid. I know she has surpassed that age so far... and she claims she has never done anything with anyone. She did get on birth control after I told her that she was scaring me to death. So that is good. I just keep having nightmares that my child is going down a road that I won't be able to get her away from!


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.
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www.myspace.com/ShynSassy315

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

Post Edited (ShynSassy) : 6/15/2007 5:21:12 AM (GMT-6)


Dansky
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Date Joined Mar 2005
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   Posted 6/15/2007 4:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Shy,

I can feel how angry/distressed you are, and I wish I had some wise words, but I'm struggling.

My son is 16 and if I'm truthful I seem to have given up, I used to get so angry the way he spoke to Mandy (my wife) and I used to fly off the handle, but that just caused friction between me and Mandy, so I just stopped taking any interest whatsoever, it hurts me to say but I don't hardly even talk to him. I feel I'm doing so wrong but I just want him to stop talking to her like he does, but I'm not prepared to get into a big argument anymore.

The thing is though since I took the step back he hasn't done anything really wrong or got into trouble I know my scenario is totally different than yours but maybe like me you have to accept what will happen will happen, allow your daughter to make whatever mistakes she chooses, but if you can unlike me try to keep a line of communication open, maybe treat her more as a friend than her Mum, I know it's hard, but really what choice do you have?

Take care, and I truly hope this situation sorts itself out.

Dave
Dansky Co-moderator UC forum
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ShynSassy
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Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/15/2007 4:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Dave
My son and I went through some very rough times . He is now 17 and we have an on and off relationship..on when is acting decent and off when he is being a jerk. He is bi polar,and is in counseling..
I tell you what,teenagers can break your heart!

Update on my daughter... I guess this kid was asking all of her friends if she was a virgin. OMG
Alarms are going off in my head. So,her cousin is going to talk to her today. I guess they all got very bad vibes from this kid. The reason I am so happy that her cousin is talking to her is because she is half black,and has a child and is the last person my daughter can call racist.
She is trying to blame it all on that...no,the kid is not acting right around anyone..so of course I am going to freak out.


I will update you more,hopefully things will resolve themselves...

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.
www.healingwell.com/donate


www.myspace.com/ShynSassy315

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


djdaz_1985
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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 6/15/2007 11:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Shy,
 
It sounds like there is a big 'mothers instinct' there. Protecting the young at what ever cost. Im in no position to hand out parenting advise given that I dont have any children but I can understand how you feel from my own experiences at home. My mum and I are very close and discuss many things. I hope things manage to take a turn for the better, both for you and your daughter. All I can offer is support and a shoulder to cry on (As long as you promise not to make it too wet! lol)
 
Warmest Wishes
 
Darren
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senaid
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 67
   Posted 6/15/2007 2:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Hmmm... it's so tough being a parent. Just remember.... you are strong enough to get through this! Regarding your daughter... sometimes when kids grow up, they feel that school and especially college is "out of their reach"... either because no one they know has ever done that or because it's scary to try something new, or even the fear of failure. Your daughter needs to find her way and realize that she's better than that.... that she can become a better person. Explain to her that it is a LONG life working at a job you hate and making horrible money to boot! Life is a long journey. She might as well find something she loves and work somewhere she loves and make good money doing it! College can be difficult but the road to meeting new people (people with actual goals and ambitions) does wonders for your outlook.

Tell her to do some soul searching... what does she love...? Animals ....? Great get a job at a vet. Working with kids? Go to a pre-school and get a job there. Even if she just wants to get a job and doesn't want to go to college I think the key is finding her way to somewhere.

It sounds like: 1) she getting a free ride and she knows it., 2) she's insecure and doesn't think she's good enough or 3) she needs to find some direction ---and that means YOU are going to have to help her along... have her write down what she likes and dislikes, what her dreams are (even if they are unrealistic), where she sees herself in 10 years ... etc., etc. And I hate to say this but alot of girls have this vision of "marrying a good man who makes a lot of money"..... Tell her that IS NOT a goal! That might be part of her journey, but her life and all she has in it needs to be 100% her... not a man! Good luck! Thanks for letting me ramble!
Diagnosed with severe ulcerative proctitis - 2003.
 
Remission until late 2006,  Flared again from 11/06 to 4/07:
 
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Doing acupuncture once a week.
 
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Had allergy testing done as well.... allergic to cow's milk and shellfish (no outward symptoms of this at all), but laid off those foods as well.


djdaz_1985
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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 6/15/2007 10:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Senaid,
 
I picked up a post in a new thread (No subject) that Im pretty sure should be on the end of this one so I have moved it across for you. Hopefully I have made the right call.
 
Darren
Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
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djdaz_1985
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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 6/15/2007 10:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Post by Senaid:
 
Oh and by the way!!!! When I was 20 (just your daughter's age!) my dad got me a book called " Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood....
 
This book changed my life!  Not only did it make me realize that I was choosing the wrong men but why and how to break the habit!
 
That also got me on the right track of life financially, educationally, emotionally, etc. I knew I deserved better all across the board!
 
Good luck!


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
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Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
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ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/16/2007 5:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for all of your advice. It helped me through this
I showered her with love. And it worked because they broke up.

this drama is over...hopefully it will be awhile before the next one happens.



Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.
www.healingwell.com/donate


www.myspace.com/ShynSassy315

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


Dansky
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 2844
   Posted 6/16/2007 7:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Shy,

I'm glad that the situation has been resolved.

Take care.

Dave
Dansky Co-moderator UC forum
 TAKE FLYING LESSONS ON A MOUNTAIN BIKE TODAY!
Bisoprolol Fumarate
Lisinopril
Sulfasalazine
Azathioprine
Prednisolone
Pariet
Citalopram Hydrobromide
 http://www.healingwell.com/donate/

 

 


djdaz_1985
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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 6/16/2007 11:35 PM (GMT -7)   
IM glad everything got sorted out in the end. HOw is your daughter about the break-up?

Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
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Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
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Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/17/2007 3:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Sis you know I am here if you need to yak k
Email me I am having some issues with Cait but not to this extent
I am sorry I have not been very suppotive as of late lots going on
Please do email me
'
My heart thoughts and prayers are with you

YOU are a great mom .....yes Teens do give us gray hair ..dying it tonight

Luvs ya
LYN
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ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/17/2007 5:29 AM (GMT -7)   
I hope this isn't a double reply,this laptop is touchy

She is ok with the breakup. And I told her never to do that again and she laughed and said she wouldn't.
Whew!


Cat I just emailed you

Luv ya too

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.
www.healingwell.com/donate


www.myspace.com/ShynSassy315

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 6/17/2007 12:56 PM (GMT -7)   
I suppose its another of lifes lessons to be learned. At least your daughter had you to fall back on and catch her. Im glad everything is getting better. Feel free to e-mail anytime you want. Im always available.
 
Best Wishes
 
Darren
Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/19/2007 4:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Darren
I really appreciate it. And one of these days I may take you up on your offer.




Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.
www.healingwell.com/donate


www.myspace.com/ShynSassy315

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 6/19/2007 5:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Your welcome Shy. I would do the same for anyone. If im gonna spend all this time in front of the computer then I might as well do something constructive with my time! lol
Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 

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