"Go up high on that mountain".............a big job but you have the guts to get there and I am pushing you from behind.
You are worthy and you have to start believing that. Right now you have a fixed negative frame of mind about some aspect of yourself.
We are here to help you turn that around and make you feel good and positive about yourself and your mothering skills.
Well i have been really down lately and have been hiding myself away in bed. I know its not the best thing to do but it was all i could do to keep myself safe and still here.
Anyway i am just crying and crying at the moment. The tears wont stop.
I had to take my daughter to her dancing presentation night and it lasted 3 hour, it was awful i felt like a nervous wreck and was shaking inside. The dancing was really good and she won some competitions.
But it was absolute torture for me. We came home and as soon as we came in the door my kids started arguing and i lost it with them, i was not in the best of moods.
I am a mess, i dont think i can explain how i am feeling. I will try.
My tears wont stop flowing, i am hurting so much inside, i just dont want to go on. Even though i went tonight i feel like i have let my daughter down as i was sitting there feeling the way i was, i should have been happy for her.
I feel bad about the arguement with my son whe we got in as i shouted right at him, I should know by now it does not help and just makes things worse. I even went to smack him, but didnt. I sound like such an evil person. Im not honestly, just desperate!!
At times i get really impulsive thoughts that i just want to end it all and have even planned how it will happen, but then i realise that i could not do that to my kids.
But how do you cope with the fact that if it was not for your kids then you would not exist anymore. And also the feeling of not wanting to be around never really goes away. Dont get me wrong i love my kids sooo much but i am struggling each day so they wont suffer.
So what i want does not count, i dont want my kids to have to cope with loosing there mother. And because of that i am struggling every day. I cant make sense of anything right now.
Sorry to go on.
I think you are just drained after your 3 hours out but you made it, even if you felt anxious, your went and you stayed.
Look at the upside of that! What a great accomplishment and how proud you must be of your beautiful daughter?
Remember we have talked about staying in the moment and now the recital is over so leave it in the past and don't dwell on how you might have done better, celebrate how well you did in just going.
Please do not give up and learn to live for you, your not just here for your children. Your here for yourself so try and work your way up out of that hiding in bed................you can and you will do it.
Remember we are here for you and ramble when you need to but stay safe.
Bless you Angel...........((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))
So sorry to hear you've been through so much. My heart truly aches for you. You're doing the best you can. I know it seems hopeless but do you think you could write down one good thing that happened in your life each day.
You can write to your heart's content here if your comfortable.
I have been where you are and calling friends when your crying sometimes works if the friend is comfortable with talking to you or they may just feel so bad that they don't know what to say. I am sure if your friend had to go it was legitimate and she was not blowing you off.
We are here 24/7 and we know where your coming from.
I believe it would be in your best interest to continue therapy but perhaps there is a chance you could request a female counseler if your not comfortable with the male. I am sure after knowing you he would understand. But you must make the final decision so think carefully.
You have good friends, here and other places. Good friends will be there through everything. (((Hugs)))