Anger and Frustration at Work

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goddess0728
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 81
   Posted 6/19/2007 10:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey all

rather than doing something stupid like I want to, such as walking off my job right now, I am here to try to vent my frustration.

First of all, I hate the fact that I can't just let things go, forget about them, etc. It is 1:30 and I am still stewing over what happened at 11:30. I wish I could just LET IT GO!

I wish I knew better how to express myself at work. Today I feel torn between the Owner/Pres and the V.P/Project Manager. It's all over something so small and stupid, the job list. We have this notebook where we keep/write in new jobs and assign a number. Periodically I will get the list and retype it and put it back in the book, and print one out for all the architects and draftsman. Well today the V.P., who incidentally for months will basically say "oh I don't want to know how you handle/manage that, you need to do it the way you like". THEN she will turn around and say "oh it should be done this way, let's rearrange everything [to suit her]' then she'll forget about it again. Until 3 or 4 months go by then she sticks her hands in again.

Today, I hear her talking to the draftsman about a certain job. Then she starts launching into how the job list should be updated [on the computer] and printed out so everyone has a copy. (Even though it is on the network and everyone can access the computer copy as well) So I hear this and immediately think "oh I don't have enough to do here, so I better get right on that job list typing, because I can hear her saying 'oh well [Goddess] needs to update that and print it out' . So I do, and then try to explain in a professional manner that I don't always know when we start a new job, or when someone needs a new list, could you guys let me know when you add a job? Well that turns into how it doesn't really affect me until we start the billing and then they will tell me "we are in schematics, bill client x". I'm only the office manager, why should I know what's going on??!! Especially since later on I will be asked to find the contact information for this potential client. That I've never been told about.

The the boss (pres) gets into it with "there's no blame here [goddess] it's just communication" I want to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thats' what I am trying to say! I'm sometimes in the dark (about new projects) and then they talk to me like I am an idiot because "you don't know about the job in XXX??" Well no, I'm not psychic! Plus I feel insulted like it's not important enough for me to know what's happening in the company. Then he completely contradicts what the V.P. just said.."oh just print one out periodically, we don't need a new one every time" It's like being with my parents! Contradict each other, tell me I'm making big deal out of nothing etc.

On top of this, we are moving/building a new office, which is draining the company's funds. This is of course causing a lot of tension. Whenever I try to ask about money, or point out what needs to be paid, I'm told to wait, or tell them later, etc. Then on the very last day before a huge payment is due, they panic and try to find the money. One day the boss actually said to me "what is it with you it's always about money?".....I'm the OFFICE MANAGER! I'm not the one who is ordering a $5000.00 table and lights that cost 250 EACH etc. The window coverings company wants a down payment but they don't take credit cards and I get to hear about how "that's not the way to do business etc etc".

I almost didn't come back after lunch. Thank God for my husband and his large ears. But I'm still so angry! What do I do with this feeling!!!!

My boss should thank this forum for the fact that I am still sitting here when I wanted to walk off.
Thanks for letting me vent. I'm sure I haven't explained the situation very well.

Post Edited (goddess0728) : 6/19/2007 11:57:35 AM (GMT-6)


goddess0728
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 81
   Posted 6/19/2007 12:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Well crying in the bathroom. How professional of me. **sigh***

My anger and frustration always turn to sadness/crying. Then I feel like a failure.

bluemeanies
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2004
Total Posts : 1372
   Posted 6/19/2007 1:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Vent away! Sounds like you should update your resume and start looking for a new job. Just remember that all jobs have their downfalls. I hope you are feeling better soon.
 


goddess0728
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 81
   Posted 6/19/2007 1:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for responding Bluemeanies..just needed someone to say something..

usually I can handle it but when I feel that I am not being heard, what I'm saying is being dismissed as not important or I feel pulled between 2 people all the childhood junk comes up and I just collapse and give up. Then I feel frustrated and want to stop functioning.


Actually, the VP had to meet with the Pres to clarify job status, proposal status etc, and SHE was getting frustrated because he was being so vague. I'd like to thank the universe for that karma coming back..

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/19/2007 2:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi goddess
I totally understand how a job can stress you out! I have been going through the total stress out here too,and have thought about looking for another job.

Is there anyway that you can attend a meeting that they have and just say "I do not think the book is working,I am open to suggestions? And make sure the VP is there?
Or send an email to everyone and make sure she is on the list?


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.
www.healingwell.com/donate


www.myspace.com/ShynSassy315

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


goddess0728
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 81
   Posted 6/19/2007 2:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey ShyNSassy

thanks for the reply

Actually we are having a meeting tomorrow, and I am DETERMINED to bring up the "communication" issue. Especially as they have now assigned 2 additional companies to me!

I am so glad you are all here to vent to. Keeps my head from exploding. And I mean that! :-)


Shy I love your myspace page! I'll have to check it more thoroughly when l get home from slavery..I mean work.

Post Edited (goddess0728) : 6/19/2007 3:34:05 PM (GMT-6)


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/19/2007 5:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Haha Goddess... work sucks that is for sure!

Good luck at your meeting,let them know how you feel.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.
www.healingwell.com/donate


www.myspace.com/ShynSassy315

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


ayjay
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 6/20/2007 9:46 AM (GMT -7)   
goddess0728 said...
Well crying in the bathroom. How professional of me. **sigh***

My anger and frustration always turn to sadness/crying. Then I feel like a failure.
Gosh, if your name wasn't on the post, I'd have thought that I wrote it...  I can't tell you the number of times that that's happened to me--and the worst part is when I'm trying to stop crying and I absolutely can't seem to do it (and wouldn't you know -- I'm one of those people who get all red and puffy...). 
 
Don't know if you want a suggestion, but one thing my therapist suggested that I've been working on doing in those moments is actively reminding myself why I'm upset and that I have every reason to be upset ('cause I usually do, and it sounds like you do too).  It doesn't solve the underlying problem itself, but I think it helps with the "feeling like a failure" part, and just giving in and feeling what I'm feeling seems to help defuse the worst of the emotions so I can move on to thinking of solutions (besides the obvious "go kick so-and-so's a**"). 

goddess0728
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 81
   Posted 6/22/2007 8:31 AM (GMT -7)   
I wish Iced Tea COULD solve my problem but since I can't drink it,.....

djdaz_1985
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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 6/22/2007 11:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Reason for deleted post:
 
I have deleted the post which was above goddess for violation of rule #4 (See http://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=46&m=106997) If you wish to email me regarding this please feel free to do so using the envelope icon on the left.
 
Darren
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goddess0728
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 81
   Posted 6/25/2007 12:18 PM (GMT -7)   
ayjay said...



Don't know if you want a suggestion, but one thing my therapist suggested that I've been working on doing in those moments is actively reminding myself why I'm upset and that I have every reason to be upset ('cause I usually do, and it sounds like you do too). It doesn't solve the underlying problem itself, but I think it helps with the "feeling like a failure" part, and just giving in and feeling what I'm feeling seems to help defuse the worst of the emotions so I can move on to thinking of solutions (besides the obvious "go kick so-and-so's a**").


Hey ayjay:

Thank you for the kind words and suggestions.

I'm actually working on the same thing with my therapist! I am learning it is okay to feel emotions. That if I just give in and let the feeling happen (as you said to remind myself that I am upset) then I can go forward and think more clearly about solutions or ways to handle the situation. And get to the root of exactly why I am upset.

I also have the either/or thinking which I have to work on. In other words, am I overreacting or is the boss being overly demanding? Well maybe it is both. I am overreacting because I am overwhelmed.

I did talk to the VP and she was very nice. She told me that I need to learn to say no to the boss when he asks me to do non-business things like "research a new cell phone" because he doesn't like his, because he'll just keep piling it on. And she said "you are not going anywhere if that's what you are worried about" I also have a lot of stress because I am not only the office manager (hence bills/appts/ etc) I am also acting as receptionist, so I am interrupted a million times a day with calls, visitors and anyone who decides to have a conversation in the lobby where my desk is. Between the VP and my therapist I am realizing that I cannot do 2 people's job (off manager and reception) and be the boss' personal assistant AND do the books for another company he's starting AND be treasurer of the non-profit he volunteered (me basically) for. I'm only one person! And it's okay to say NO.

Whew! Working on your issues is hard work. But it's better than a heart attack!

HSE
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 7/1/2007 2:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Gosh - i read your 'It's ok to say no' and thought - why can't I?? It's so important to have a work life balance - most of us don't do it.

I am going part time - 3 days a week from September - I can't wait! But i also feel that all I'm going to do on my 2 days not working is prepare stuff for work -I'm a teacher.

What a rubbish work-life balance i have!

Keep working on your issues - keep the heart attack at bay - and I'm with you in the Saying No bit!!

Hugs

Linda x
HSE - Hope Springs Eternal xx


goddess0728
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 81
   Posted 7/2/2007 9:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello HSE

just wanted to say hope you enjoy SOME of your time off this fall..

I am working on the NO thing constantly. I'm finding out that when I say it CALMLY and state my reasons that in general I get a good response from people. "I don't have time" is usually fine.

The boss actually said "How's your workload today? Do you have time for this?" Hallelujah!

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 7/2/2007 12:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow Goddess,that is awesome!

Good for you for putting your foot down..show them who is boss!


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.
www.healingwell.com/donate


www.myspace.com/ShynSassy315

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

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