Hi..a Newbie, and confused...

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New Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 6/19/2007 11:13 PM (GMT -6)   
I am a newbie to the forums, and depression in general aswell, sorta. Im 27 y/o female.
I didn't realise alot, until recently -It has effected my entire life - it has turned it upside down. It has became alot worst in the last two years. and more in the last few months.  It been really scary yet unsure of why i am this way..confuseing
 I am learning alot, and trying my hardest to understand or learn what its all about, what is going on with me, who I am again....trying to find, the innerside of what I know must be there, but it's lost to depression and who knows what else.
I also find myself, worried alot more, stressing, scared and shy and cant deal with groups of large, or smaller groups of people, wonderin what people think of me. I'd much rather be alone, than around people.
My family doesn't really understand and aren't really sure of what is going on either (as im still learning too) and than there is members, that - have made this whole experience, a lot worst. They dont think there's anything wrong I acted happy - but I wanted to say, hey...blah blah..but -- Somethings are best left unsaid, I dont want to hurt anyone or make them feel bad either.  
I have been to my family doctor - who gave me celexa 20 mg but have gone down to 1/2 a pill.  I haven't been able to talk to my doctor, to clearly express, how bad it really is. (I've only started taking it - first time for meds)
IHas anyone been so shy, and scared..? and depressed, scared to understand  Scared to learn, scared to find out whats been eating at you, for so many years - that you pushed away, because you didnt know why you didn't feel like you fitted in with the rest - u know u were different...but u didnt know how.
Im scared, but Im hopeful, right now atleast, that I will make it thru and be able to enjoy life once again, or atleast a happy meduim.
I can only control my actions, I cant control the actions of others
I wish I could, im stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Anyone.....been there...what am i to do - how do I express whats wrong, if only I am learning.

Post Edited (ifnotenuff) : 6/19/2007 10:18:59 PM (GMT-6)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 6/20/2007 12:55 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there and Welcome to HealingWell!
If you are looking to learn more about depression etc... then you might want to have a look at the depression resource centre here at HealingWell. (http://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=19&m=104218). In terms of expressing yourself... I think it is really important that you achieve this with your doctor so that he can give you the correct treatment. Have you tried free-association writing? It is simply when you put pen to paper and write without thinking. Maybe this is a viable method? I hope that some of this has been a help to you. There are loads of people out there on the forum who will have other ideas as well.
Warmest Wishes
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Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/20/2007 6:50 AM (GMT -6)   
I want to welcome you to the forum also,I am sure you will find the support that you are looking for.
Darren has given you some excellent advice and information.

We,as depressed ones learn early how to hide our true feelings. We are embarrassed we are angry,so we chose not to let anyone know.
I hated people that I saw laughing and smiling. I wanted to be that person so bad. I was so tired of faking it.

I do think that seeing a counselor is probably your best bet right now. Now keep in mind that sometimes it takes a few tries to be able to find someone that you are comfortable with. That is normal.

Please stay strong and keep us posted.

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.


"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 6/20/2007 8:44 AM (GMT -6)   
:-)  Welcome to our forum~
I have had depression for over 21 years and the most valuable information that I can give you is that you need to have a doctor other than your family doc managing your depression.  As Shy stated that a counselor would be a great addition to understanding what level of depression you are at as well as work through issues that you may be experiencing.  It is has been a trend in recent years for family doctors to prescribe antidepressants to their patients in hopes of "bandaging" their feelings of sadness.  Trust me, this may be ok for some people but ultimately they are not trained to make that decision.  Your best bet would be to ask for a referral to a doctor that treats mental or depressive issues.  Such as a psychologist or a psychiatrist.  I know that many people will not go that route because of the "stigma" that goes with it.  What I say to those people is get over yourself and understand that you are important and you need to take steps to get well.
In my opinion if a medical doc prescribes you an antidepressant a referral for followup with a doc in the field of psych medicine is only natural.  For instance, how do we know if what you are experiencing is a chronic, clinical depression or a mild depression related to situational depression?  I understand the need to research depression and try to understand it, I hold the record for research and "wealth" of information on my mental health. I actually researched so hard on a treatment for depression that I was the first on the bandwagon when it became FDA approved!  That I am extremely proud of because now I am a patient that has the device and was aware of what it could offer me before any "professional" could tell me.  So when I say that a referral to a psych doc would be in your best interest, I only say that because I know that without you taking the first step in understanding your depression, you will have to do what the doc should do and ask for a referral. 
Good luck and let us know if we can do anything.
" We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another."
Luciano de Crescenzo
" Love is being stupid together."
Paul Valery
" Tonight I sent an angel to watch over you, but it came back. When I asked why, it told me that angels don't watch over other angels."

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 53
   Posted 6/20/2007 4:56 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi - I am new here too.... and I probably dont have much to offer you except please know that you are not alone, I understand much of what you are going through, about feeling different and not really belonging anywhere, about frustrations with Dr.'s and not even wanting to pursue it because you dont really trust them to care enough to really help (well I dont)

Some days its a minute by minute thing, and thats okay if thats what it takes to make it.... but I guess if you can find a few good coping tools that is your best bet until some more permanent resolution happens. I like Darrens suggestion of free-association writing, I used to do that too and maybe should try it again.... Myself, I have trouble concentrating due to depression and physical pain, so the simpler tool the better... I watch "I Love Lucy" dvd's repeadetly because they make me feel better and free's up my head a little, I enjoy sunbathing, and even though I know its bad for my skin, it makes me feel better....

keep on friend......

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