I have dealt with depression my whole life and it seems to come in cycles. Happening, about every 2-4 years or after any horrific events. Anyway when I go through it and come out the other side, the after math of the depression is like a hurricane came through my life. As I rise out of the depression it’s like some inept idiot was in charge of my life and then I got to fix it. Well me and my family.
The cycle is getting old and the depression getting worse. I have been in a bad depression for years now and then some major events i.e. loss of a job, evil ex-wife, etc brought it to a fix or die place. I always choose to fix it some how. Been here before and it’s a very bitter sweet place to be. I mean the depression is at bay at the present. The feelings of pain and confusion are gone but I am left with a mess to clean up, AGAIN.
I got to get a job, fix relationships, get bills paid, get the house clean, pay more bills, etc
Anyone else go through this?
I have been dealing with my depression for 24 years and most likely all my life. 24 yrs ago I was diagnosed with chronic depression and placed on Prozac and was on and off the Prozac. For most of that time I self medication and dealt with the depression only when it got so bad I had no choice.
What’s happened recently is:
I have 4 years clean. So, for the first time in my life I am feeling the depth of my depression. Why I no longer self medicate is a mystery to me, I simply choose not to.
The Prozac stopped working and yes I have seen a doc recently and he has put me on Effexor. It is starting to work. YAY
Got a divorce 4 years ago. That is when this round of depression started.
My ex had zero tolerance for my depression when we were married. Now that we are no longer married she has less than zero tolerance for it. Add that with the fact that she can be so cruel and mean that I can’t deal with her in any way. So I choose not to deal with her and that pisses her off more.
I got laid off my job and that was the straw, I completely crumbled after that.
NOW, with the Effexor working, a job on the horizon and my family stepping and helping I can see the light of day. 2 weeks ago I could not even get out of bed or stop crying. Today my ex is really not even a worry I actually feel sorry for her in some ways and she is the least of my worries.
The after math of hurricane Depression that has been swirling in my life for years now has for the moment subsided and moved on. By the grace of God and all the courage of I can muster the rebuilding starts and with sunny days ahead that should not be so difficult. The fear, confusion and pain subsided with the storm and with them gone the world is mine to concur once again. I must remember there can be a storm on the arising at any moment and I must become a better forecaster and aware of how to better batten down the hatches when these storms come in.
I hope I have answered your questions and THANK YOU for your support it is much appreciated. Writing about my depression helps me see thing so much clearer.