Hi I’m beau I’m 18 nearly 19... well I have had depression for almost 8 years now and this is the first thing I’m doing about
getting better. Well talking about
it. 1st I’m not a drama queen or looking for attention just want clear that up.
Well this all started when I was 5. I was molested by my uncle so was my brother and sister as I’m the youngest child. We went home and told mum and dad n they went over and hurt him, the next day the police came around our house telling us that he did something bad to himself.
Then when I was 8 and my parents were on the edge of breaking up they would come home off the head drunk or high. Then eventually leading to them fighting my stories at school where like (on the weekend mummy went to hospital) and the other way the next weekend they broke up.When I was about
8 1/2 and I didn’t understand why my mum got custody of us and dad went some where.
Mum had a abusive boyfriend who would hit her constantly.I remember at night hiding under my bed crying wishing it would stop.My brother is 5 years older then me and he was 13 .Mum told him she hated him and kicked him out one night when she was drunk.
After he left I would come home from school finding mum passed out on the couch with needles around her most of the time. They broke up and I went to live with my dad. He lives 400ks away and my brother and me were with him for about
6 months. Everything seemed to be good but he came home at about
4 or 5 in the morning and kicked us out because we didn’t have money for him to go back drinking.
My brother and I walked about
4ks with our bags what felt like they weighed a ton. We walked to our aunt’s house we stayed there for a while. Then mum came and picked me up. Mum had another boyfriend when I got back he was a ******** he would kick boxes at my sisters and threaten to hurt us if we told anyone they were growing drugs. I was about
13 now and she was still with him. The usual would happen.. They get drunk fight pass out and do it all again the next day.
We told my brother and he told our dad. They came around one Saturday night. Mums boyfriends name was Steve. He was about
5'6 n pretty solid .My brother and dad are sticks really.
Steve and my dad got into a fight. It was pretty bad.
The police came and took Steve dad and my brother mum packed the car and we went and slept down the river.
He left her a few days later and we were living with mum. She would go missing for days at a time.
I started high school by then and making friends was pretty had, as I didn’t know how to talk to anyone really.
I done year 8 at one school and then moved schools within the first week.
I had a few friends. My only friend I had pretty much all my life and still Is. went there I had a few mates eventually I settled in and it seemed all good but I basically became an alcoholic I started drinking on the weekends then after school then before school.
Some mates would say I was spaced out I was confused inside at this point I think its when I really felt depressed I would think people hated me or were out to get me all the time over nothing even the nicest people I thought were gonna get me. I just felt so crap and didn’t know how to cope with anything I would take things the wrong way and get mad, through this I lost some good mates though it seems I’m better off with none.
I started year 11 and it was the usual I would be in a group of people but most of the time I would sit alone or play hacky sack I felt I didn’t belong there or anywhere. I would go and get drunk with mates and have to leave because I would think about
crap and get all sad and quiet. I had a gf by now, and mum kicked me out I was 16.So I moved in with her.
She seemed great but we fell apart .Her dad was a carpet layer and I quit school and worked with him.
I did that for 2 years .Then me and his daughter broke up she told me she cheated on me a few times and it just killed me.
Then there was a party with a few kids out of town and there was a car crash, well more like a hit run thing there were 5 kids I think hit.
I didn’t know them all though I played football with one and I went to school with another .I had a crush on her in year 8 this shattered me it shattered everyone. The mates were camping and they drove drunk the crashed the car and one was killed. He was a really good kid would help anyone had everything set up just was doing great for him self. Sadly he died, and I didn’t know him that well though he was a good kind,
Loving person who shouldn’t have died.
I remember just having days when I would lock my self in my room and not talk or eat for 2-3 days at a time .I just felt sick inside. Well these days I barely have any mates and I barely talk to anyone quit drinking a few weeks ago due to a kidney infection and stone, I haven’t cut my self in a while but I have came close to it. It feels like no matter what I do I won’t make it in life like I wont survive. Mmm I’m pretty sick of writing, I might write some more soon sorry about
I went through your post and helped you with the spelling and making paragraphs so it would be easier to read.
Darren and I had to edit alot of your post out. I am sorry but there was alot of talk to violence ect and we have to be careful as there are alot of younger people that come to this site.
Post Edited (beau_beau) : 9/3/2008 3:22:59 PM (GMT-6)