Should I move on?

Should I try to keep my friend my best or move on?
2
YES - 66.7%
1
NO - 33.3%

 
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nickylynn
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 83
   Posted 6/24/2007 7:04 PM (GMT -7)   
This has to do with my other post about my friends. I want to know if i should move on with my one friend that used to be my best friend or try to make it work.  She doesn't like doing anything with me anymore and wants to be with her boyfriend and if I say something to her she takes it the wrong way.  I would like to know from you!!!
*Nicky*
 
"If life isn't fun then you must be doing it wrong."
         Sue F.


Honey Bee
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 114
   Posted 6/24/2007 9:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Nicky

I am a newbie to these forums and just noticed your last post above but haven't had a chance to read your others about your friends. However, I have had experience of this of late. My hubbie and I have (or had?) one particular friend who we have known for the past 10 year and who was our 'best' friend. I worked with him for 10 years and he also rented a room in our house for 5 years before we moved to Australia 4 years ago. He also moved to Aus at the same time.

However, in the past couple of years everytime we see him it has had to be on his terms, dates and times. He would do activities with other people that he wouldn't do with us - I never could figure this one out and then he met his girlfriend about 18 months ago. Since then it only got worse up until about 6 months ago when he would see us only on a Saturday for lunch plus a couple of hours afterwards when his girlfriend would be busy doing something else.

We have done many things for him and helped him out when it didn't suit us over the past 10 years but his inflexibility to us still always bothered us but we have always worked around it up until Xmas this year where he made no attempt to arrange anything over the holiday period. We are all in Aus on our own and have no real family or friends to think of so assumed we would at least be arranging a couple of nights out/in but no phone call came.

In the end although we cannot figure out why we have just decided to move on without seeing him and haven't done so for 6 months. In fact I emailed him last week to ask him if he had a couple of our DVDs which he had borrowed and could he post them back but didn't even get a reply - they just turned up in the post a few days later. My hubbie called and emailed to thank him but still no response. Anyway, to get back to the point I think there is only so much you can do with people, if they are sending out the signals or reacting in a certain way which is negative then give it a couple more tries but if it were me (and in my opnion only) I would move on.

It is very sad and a shame when friends (especially long standing ones) act this way but you can only try so much without losing all dignity and self respect. You don't say whether her behaviour started when she met her boyfriend (ours wasn't but things did worsen when our friend moved in with his girlfriend) but things go both ways and if she valued your friendship long term I think she would make more of an effort to keep it. Obviously you can appreciate that she wants to spend time with him but not at the total expense of your frienship whom she had beforehand.

Anyway, that's just my thoughts.

djdaz_1985
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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 6/24/2007 10:45 PM (GMT -7)   

I would follow your gut instinct on this one. I ahev never really been in this situation so it is hard for me to say YES or NO. In your situation though I would go with what your guts tell you. You know the situation better than anyone else.

Sorry I cant be of any more help

Darren


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asking
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 53
   Posted 6/25/2007 9:13 AM (GMT -7)   
You might try to just let it rest... not make a final decision, and in the meantime, try to meet some new people, nurture another friendship or just see how solitude feels (solitude, not isolation) for a little while anyway. Sometimes time and distance heals a strainded relationship or lets you see clearly that it is time to move on.

I have had a friend for years... but more and more distance has become between us. She ignores my emails, but then sends my wife, who could care less, an ecard for Mothers Day... BUT not one to me for Fathers day... cant figure this one out... but I just keep sending her love, and if she continues to ignore me, then I will just let go of it.

hope this helps a little.....

faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 6/25/2007 12:23 PM (GMT -7)   
confused  Nickylynn~
  I also think that you need not make any rash decisions about this.  Your friend sounds a little self-absorbed right now so dont take it personally.  My question to you is this:  Do you really want to be friends with someone who dosent value you enough to take a few hours out of her time to see you?  I am not sure what your relationship is when the two of you do get to do stuff together but if you dont enjoy the time you do get, maybe it is time to move on.
 
Friendships, i mean serious friendships are like relationships that you have with your spouse or significant other, they take time and patience.  But if one doesnt want it like the other and there is no communication about it, it is going to die whether the other one wants it or not.  If you guys do enjoy your time and it is worth something to the BOTH of you then give her time to come out of herself.  Believe me, if and when this boyfriend dumps her, she will need you.
Teresa
" We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another."
Luciano de Crescenzo
 
 
" Love is being stupid together."
Paul Valery
 
" Tonight I sent an angel to watch over you, but it came back. When I asked why, it told me that angels don't watch over other angels."
Unknown


nickylynn
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 83
   Posted 6/25/2007 7:33 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm going to see if we can talk about it and what happened but I don't think she wants to make it work.  She usually gets mad at me when i say something can you give me some ideas about what to say to her....please.
*Nicky*
 
"If life isn't fun then you must be doing it wrong."
         Sue F.


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 6/26/2007 2:27 AM (GMT -7)   

I would keep the conversation light hearted to start with and gradually get deeper. That way, nobody notices the change and it flows more naturally. Always be honest. Dont try to lie or tell half-truths. If this is going to work then you BOTH need to be open and honest but be prepared to hear things that you might not like. As for topics of conversation... the worlds your oyster! There are so many its unbelieveable. Just go with whatever feels natural.

I hope this helps

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
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Singer69
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 197
   Posted 6/26/2007 9:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Obviously there are more details to this, but in general, I agree with the others above - don't make any rash decision. First, does it really matter if you are in contact with this person regularly? You don't have to cut off the friendship forever just because it's a tough time for you. My wife has had a problem keeping long-term friends and marvels at the number of friends that I have. I explained to her that it's a matter of effort. I had to make a decision as to whether or not each friendship was worth keeping. If the answer to my question is yes, I make the effort to keep the friendship going. That means making calls, sending an Email here or there, remembering birthdays, etc. There are times when a particular friend doesn't respond to messages or Emails and it could easily be interpreted as them not wanting to be a friend anymore.

I've found that sometimes people just have too much going on in their lives to be the person taking care of the relationship at that time. No problem. You just have to be patient. Communicate to your friend by writing a letter or Email and keep sarcasm and finger pointing out of it. Just let them know that you are there for them if they need you and that you understand that they have a lot going on right now. Keep it short and simple and as nice (and supportive) as possible. Then just keep in touch with a phone call or Email here and there over the next whatever amount of weeks and see what happens.

If this is a phase your friend is going through, you may be surprised to find that your friend will eventually appreciate your support at this time and reach out for your friendship. On the other hand, they may not be a good friend after all and you'll lose touch. Either way, you did your best and were a friend to them. Sometimes friendships work out and sometimes they don't. That's just the way it is in life.

Hope that helps a little bit.

Rick...

bionca
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 6/26/2007 2:47 PM (GMT -7)   
I've had a very similar situation and as heartbreaking as it may sound, sometime's people just grow apart. Now I'm not saying this is happening to you, but it is a possibility. If your friendship is a strong one part of you will always be there for your friend and she'll feel the same way about you. Friendships aren't always in black and white. Give you and your friend some time and see what happens. I know in my situation, if my friend were to call right now and say that she was in trouble and needed my help, I would still be there for her. She and I haven't spoken in months. Just try not to do or say anything too rash.

nickylynn
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 83
   Posted 6/26/2007 7:57 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm just afraid of what I may do if her boyfriend breaks up with her and she needs someone.  It just makes me so mad.  She was really the only good friend I had.  She doesn't even want to talk about it.  Like I have tried to keep the relationship alive but she doesn't put any input so i feel like I'm the only one that wants it to work.  I'm fed up with it!!!!!
*Nicky*
 
"If life isn't fun then you must be doing it wrong."
         Sue F.

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