4th of July, Whoop-de-doo, I hate this holiday!

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 7/4/2007 11:06 AM (GMT -6)   
Today is the 4th and is the first time in years I am celebrating it with anyone as my sons are usually out of town and so are my friends.  You would think Iwould be happy to have something to do for a change.  Both my sons are here - the  younger is coming over w/his girlfriend, who I adore, and my other son is here, the one who lives with me.  We are going to BBQ and go see fireworks.  Well that is fine, but my older son and I have not been getting along at all lately.  He is constantly arguing with me, saying bad things, yelling at me.  I remind him he lives in MY house.  He lives with me because of his epilepsy and he was very sick 2 yrs ago and I had to take care of him.  I am trying to get him independent to live on his own and working with an organization that helps people with disabiities.  I told him in a few years I want to go to a retirement community that has activities, dining room people around so I won't be so lonely. His reply - while he was laughing at me - "if you want to go someplace with people like you, you should go to a mental institution."  I am so upset over this.  I am just so depressed!  He also was taking me to do some errands the other day and got mad at me and turned the car around and took me home.  When he came back I told him he had gone too far this time and that I would no longer prepare dinner for him and he had better find a new place to live because I am leaving here in 2 yrs.  I just can't believe that a son can be so cruel.  I don't know how to get beyond this.  My therapist is taking some time off so I don't have anyone to talk to.  I told my other son and he is very understanding but he has his own issues and busy life and I don't want to burden him.  I would appreciate hearing from anyone. I don't know how more down I can get.Thanks for listening.

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 150
   Posted 7/4/2007 11:32 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I can't believe what he said about a mental hospital. That is apalling.
Maybe he is afraid of having no where to go, or maybe he's afriad of not having someone around to take care of him. Either way his behavior is unexcusable.
If you are unable to sit down with him and have a heart to heart to let him know what you are going through and how he is making you feel, then I think a little tough love is needed. Maybe you should make him leave now. How old is he? I definately wouldn't make him dinner or do anything else for him if he is ungreatful.
It sounds like he's taking advantage of you.
Hang in there.
Bipolar II, Panic Disorder & OCD
28 Years old
Taking Trileptal 300mg twice a day

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 197
   Posted 7/4/2007 1:57 PM (GMT -6)   

I'm also sorry that things are like this for you. As you know, when there are problems (i.e., divorce, depression, etc.), it causes family members to separate and find their own paths - even when they are under the same roof, as you are experiencing. It's a disconnect that really sucks. I've gone through that myself and it's not fun, so I empathize with your situation.

I'm here to talk if you need someone to listen - seriously. My Email link is under my name at the left.

Take care and I hope that your holiday turns out surprisingly fun!

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change

And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hand
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it’s got nothing to do with me

~ Lyrics from "Daughters" by John Mayer

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/4/2007 5:34 PM (GMT -6)   


Hey Sweetie, hello.  This is Kitt. I am sorry your son is being down right mean.  You deserve to be happy and if he is working with people on his disability than you start making your plans.

In fact, your plans sound really cool,  as I have retired but all my friends work so I am lonely too. 

You stick to your plans and go for that retirement community.  He is being very disrespectful and causing you great pain.  No illness gives you the right to hurt others.

Email me if you want, I am usually around.


Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*

Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

Another Day
Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 7/4/2007 6:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Please don't let him treat you that way.  I don't know if he's unhappy with himself or whatever his problem is.  But it is totally unacceptable for him to take it out on you.  You are going to have to start standing up to him and let him know that it is unacceptable in your house.  You do need to talk with you therapist as to how to go about this.  You are a good person and you deserve some "Aurora time" while you are still young enough to enjoy it.  I have grown daughters and did go through the problem of alcoholism with my oldest daughter.  She is doing very well today.  I had to do an intervention when she was 17 and she didn't stay sober.  At age 19 she was down in Florida living the fun in the sun life, but called and asked me to put her in treatment again, so I got her back up here and took care of it.  It didn't work again.  We went through a lot.  After I was divorced, she lived with me a couple of times.  It came to the point that I asked her for $25 per week for rent.  She was working but was falling behind on paying me only $25 a week, which included all utilities, phone, cable, computer, of course I bought most of the food.  I finally told her she would have to move because I knew in my gut that she was spending her money on alcohol or possibly drugs.  It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.  Today we have a wonderful relationship and she has a beautiful daughter.  I know your son has epilepsy, but you can't let him use you as a door mat.  I have epilepsy, still not under control and my neurologist is concerned that something else is going on.  I'm not taking it out on anyone else.  I'm rather anxious as I wait for one of the EEG rooms to come available at Vanderbilt, but I'm not being mean to my family because of it.    Aurora, I want to see you take care of you.  After the age of 18, we do not really owe our children anything.  What we do after that is a gift.  Evidently your son has not appreciated your gifts.  Now you may read this and get mad at me.  I know how it is when someone talks about your children, it's o.k. for you to talk about them, but we don't want anyone else to.  Something has to change in your situation.  You can email me anytime.
Take care!

Post Edited (another day) : 7/4/2007 5:27:37 PM (GMT-6)

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