cousin is dying

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starbrite
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 154
   Posted 7/6/2007 11:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi my cousin is dieing.  We are very close in fact she has been more like a sister not a cousin.  She is on hospic they don't expect her to live more than 6 months.  My t is afraid that i am going to crash and burn when she dies and i probably will.  The problem is that she cannot seem to find peace and her family will not accept what is happeneing to her.  Please send prayer and all positive thougts our way. 

djdaz_1985
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Date Joined Jan 2006
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   Posted 7/6/2007 1:41 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi there,

I am so sorry you are having to go through this at the moment. I hope that it is nothing nasty. When she dies, there will be a lot of pressure on you to keep it together from the family more than anything. I hope you can find the inner strength to carry on. Im sure she woundnt have wanted you to go to pieces.

I will say a prayer for you tonight

Darren

P.S If you want to chat, my inbox is always open


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Korissa
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Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 337
   Posted 7/6/2007 6:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Can you spend as much time with her as possible? Is she in denail about what is happening? In my experience, the dying person doesn't want to scare her loved ones and won't talk about it. Can you tell her everything on your heart about her leaving you? That could give her peace if you are both able to talk freely.

I didn't do this with a loved one and later realized how sad that we didn't acknowledge to each other that this was really goodbye.

ShynSassy
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Date Joined Dec 2005
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   Posted 7/7/2007 5:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Starbrite

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Someone leaving you is the hardest thing life can throw at you.
Hospice is a wonderful thing in my opinion. It gives the family time to be with their loved ones out of the hospital routines.

It sounds like her family is in denial. That is normal.
But,you can not help them at this time because you need to focus on you and how you are dealing with it.

Spend as much time with her that you need. And this is the time to tell her how much she means to you.

Stay strong!! And keep us updated.

Shy
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stkitt
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Date Joined Apr 2007
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   Posted 7/7/2007 9:41 AM (GMT -7)   

Starbrite,

Hello, this is Kitt. I am so sorry about your cousin.  Dealing with the death of a loved one is difficult under any circumstances.  Remember this is her death and she needs to do it her way.  She may be angry til the end or she may accept it.  She may not want to talk about it or she may have unfinished business.

The best way to help her is to visit her often, sit with her but don't feel she doesn't care if she starts withdrawing from you.  Some people try to help their family by pushing them away. They won't talk to family about their pain or how they feel.

You say what you need to say to her but don't push her.  Most people don't want pity, they want to die with dignity.

I will certainly send prayers your way for both of you.  Stay brave and know she cares.  Gentle hugs.


Respectfully
Kitt
 
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starbrite
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 154
   Posted 7/7/2007 10:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Maybe i can't be strong for the whole family but i have to be strong for her. I am the only one she can talk about it too. She told me she wanted to die because she has had enough, pain, meds, staying in bed. The rest of the family do not want to admit she is dying. My depression feels out of bounds and i am even picking fights with my husband so i don't have to talk too him. My cousin said "when i die i don't want you too feel sad." I said "what am i suppose to say " yeah, yeah my cousin died." I don't know were that came from but she laughed and laughed. I send her a funny card everyday. The thing is right now i don't know how to take care of myself. I know i need to cry but can't seem to do that now. I feel helpless. Starbrite

ShynSassy
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Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 7/8/2007 5:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Starbrite
When my mother in law died I had to be strong for the whole family as they too were in denial. It was sudden and she had 6 boys that basically went crazy for about a year afterwards.

I had to plan the funeral by myself,set up the flowers ect ect. I did not shed a tear at the funeral.
But we all met at her house a few days later to clean up and go through her things. And I lost it.
I don't think I stopped crying for about 72 hrs.

I am telling you this because you are already mourning. And you are trying to be strong about it. That is normal. You will end up crying and it will probably be like a river once it starts.
Your brain is just trying to protect you right now.

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
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djdaz_1985
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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 7/8/2007 11:33 AM (GMT -7)   

Im sorry that your finding this so hard at the moment. Not being able to cry is quite normal but there will become a time when you can. I think that it is a shame that the family are in denial about this but they too will come to terms with this in their own time. This thread reminded me of a line from a poem called Remember that I thought was quite nice. "Better by far that you should forget and smile, than that you shold remember and be sad" Your cousin wouldnt want you to remember her all the time if it meant that you were sad all the time.

Keep Strong

Darren


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faithfully4you
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Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 7/8/2007 11:46 AM (GMT -7)   
sad  Starbrite~
I am very sorry to hear about your cousin.  It is one of the most difficult things life throws at us.  I have a sister that is also dying but of a cancer.  She does not have a time frame but it is inevitable that radiation will only sustain her for a time. 
 
I will put you in my prayers as I have been on my knees quite often as of late.
 
God bless and keep you.
Teresa
 
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Another Day
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 7/8/2007 10:00 PM (GMT -7)   

Starbrite, It sounds like your cousin enjoys the funny cards.  Is it possible when you visit to talk about some of the silly things you all have done as kids and maybe laugh about those things?  Do you have access to family photos that you could take over to her house so that the two of you could reminiscence and laugh or cry or whatever together.  Hospice is wonderful!  I can't say enough good things about Hospice.  It's really too bad her family is still in denial.  And you know what, if you break down and cry in front of her right now, it's going to be o.k.  She's just going to know how much you love her and maybe you need to have that one good cry with her.  It could be very healing for you.

My prayers are with you and your cousin.  The two of you have been so lucky to have had each other.

Carla


gumbee2007
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 7/17/2007 9:47 PM (GMT -7)   

I am so sorry
you and your Cousin

are in My Prayers

gumbee smurf


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/18/2007 3:29 AM (GMT -7)   
MY thoughts heart and prayers coming your way and her way'
'
I am so sorry about what she is facing

I am sure you can be strong thru this with the help of your T if not dont ever forget HW is here for you ......

God Bless

LYN
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