Hi restless, You have had so many things happen to you in your life...I am so sorry you have lost your son. I cant imagine how hard that must be for you. I have to agree with Darren that your son wouldnt of wanted you to feel this way. I wonder if you have considered grief counseling? There are even support groups for this and I think you would really be surprised at how healing it could be and knowing that others feel the exact way you do. It would get you out of the house and maybe even make a few friends you could lean on.
ElishaCo~Mod: DepressionModerator: Heart & Cardiovascular Diseasehttp://www.healingwell.com/donate
I know exactly where your at and I feel so sad for you. There is nothing that I can say to make it better. People told me time would make it easier but time only numbs the pain, it is always in your heart.
The support group was a good idea if your ready. The one I know the most about is The Comapssionate Friends. I am posting their national web site and on that site there is a link to find local groups.
I know you were a good Mother so please do not blame yourself for what has happened. We have such great hopes for our children but they are our dreams. Our children don't always have the same dreams.
Gentle hugs and prayers for you.
Dont worry about writing all these emails. You dont need any more pressure that you have already. When you are ready, the emails will write themselves. Until then, concentrate on getting yourself back on track.
Big British Hugs