It`s not been a good day

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snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 7/20/2007 5:15 AM (GMT -7)   
sad  Today i have spent just about all day in tears .The past two days have been particularly hard .
Then this morning i experienced something that i thought i could handle ,The name of one of those who raped me earlier on was mentioned .Instantly i felt this really cold feeling come over me and i have gone to peices .When will all these things stop effecting me like this .If only i could loose my memory then i think i will have peace .There is always something there to remind me of so many things .One woman told me the past is the past and just leave it there but it`s just not that simple i do not consiously want to remember all those horid things but even the mention of one of their names an uncle was enough to set me off .
If i didn`t have the little baby come today i wouldn`t of even got out of bed .Apart from care for him i haven`t done anything even tea tonight was not very nourishing at all .
I thought this afternoon i don`t even remember when i last showered i just have no idea i know it wasn`t yesterday ,i have no idea ,but will go and take one now while i remember .
Restless sad
~~~~  If no one else cares i do  ~~~~~


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 7/20/2007 5:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Restless
Whoever told you that was an idiot. They obviously have never been in that type of situation and have no idea how the memories can overtake you within a few seconds.
I too go through that...a certain smell,a song or just out of nowhere the memories come back.
I wish that we could just forget it,but once you have lived that type of nightmare it will always be there to haunt you.
The only thing we can do is try to curb the memories,it is easier said than done I know.
But,remember that everything you have went through has made you strong. You might not think it now,but you survived. And that takes a strong person to be able to wake up everyday and try to go on. No matter how hard it seems.
Right now you feel that you are never going to be able to get out of that dark hole. But you will,it will probably not be tomorrow or even the next day,but one day you will wake up and realize that you are ok. You are safe,and for once you will feel relief.
Please stay strong


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.
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"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 7/20/2007 2:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Restless
 
It really bugs me when people imply that the past doesnt effect people! mad   Since humans learn thorugh experience, they must keep a record of when things go wrong! I agree with Shy, whoever told you that was an idiot! nono Unfortunately, memory is something you have for life and its traumatic memories like yours that help to keep you safe in later life as you (usually) recognise the same thing happening again before it can hurt you. Memory isnt something you can lose (without a psychological disorder) its something you learn to live and deal with. There are many memories from my past which haunt me which I would dearly love to forget but I cant. Im really sorry you had to live through this again. It must have been really difficult for you. But think of all the progress you have made since then! :-)  
 
I hope you enjoy your shower! Showers make me feel better sometimes!
 
Darren
Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
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Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
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