"Stand by my man" - losing hope

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Really Trying
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 7/20/2007 5:43 PM (GMT -7)   
I've glanced over this forum from time to time to remind me how my husband's depression is difficult for him so that I can find some strength to deal with it.  Everyone has been so helpful and supportive and offered great insight.
 
(Rick, I like your new signature, too... funny, the twins that are due soon are girls, we will have three girls altogether.  So the "Daughters" song definitely applies!)
 
Here's the deal:
 
Last time I posted, I was in good spirits because my husband was finally going to make an appointment to see a counselor for his depression.  I was SO glad that he was (a) finally admitting that his depression was hurting himself and our marriage; (b) that he was open to trying medications to treat his depression; and (c) he (and thus we) were starting the journey of his healing so that he (and we) could be happy.
 
Well, he did make an appointment.  Unfortunately, it was a month before the actual appointment would happen.  So I waited patiently and pulled everything within me to stay positive no matter what.  I was SO looking forward to hearing how his first appointment would go.
 
One of his co-workers was in an accident earlier this week.  She is fine and only suffered a broken arm.  So, he had to fill in for her.  HE CANCELLED HIS APPOINTMENT!
 
I really think he could have either found someone else to fill in, or gone into work early to do what needed to be done and then be able to attend his appointment with the counselor.  I tried to discuss these options with him but wasn't successful.
 
I was SO mad and upset and let down and broke down crying.  I asked about the rescheduling and he said, "I didn't reschedule yet."  I know it is because "work is busy".  This tells me that he is - again - putting work before his personal situation and our marriage.  It will be another month before any hope that he will see this counselor.  I was really hoping he would go to his first appointment before the twins were born, ideally two appointments.
 
I feel awful because I haven't spoken to him much in the past 24 hours.  But I am SO upset.  I made the comment last night that "all the negative things in our life are happening because he is not getting help for his situation".  I know it was the wrong thing to say, but with my emotions running up and down with this pregnancy I really could not keep the frustration (from him cancelling his apointment) bottled up.
 
Should I continue to let him know that this was very disappointing?
 
Or should I pretend everything is okay?
 
This is so hard to deal with!!!!!
 

Post Edited (Really Trying) : 8/3/2007 3:54:55 AM (GMT-6)


faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 7/20/2007 7:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Really trying~
The most important thing I can implore to you is if you truly love this man, dont back down!!  I know that it is the worst thing a person can live with in this world!  I had the love of my life tore apart by depression and I was trying to get better.  I understand your frustration with him not going to the appointment and maybe other things that you find unacceptable, but please know that when you are depressed you are unable to make good decisions and you will make decisions in order to be able to control the things in life that he  can, going into work instead of the appointment is more important to him for maybe reasons that you dont understand.
 
The love that you share will prove to be unconditional and with that will make you strong and able to stand side by side and fight.  I had this and believe me, for once in my life I felt safe and protected in my feelings and I knew that as hard as the depression was, my "baby" as I refer to him was never going to let anything happen to me,  I dont have that now and it is the most horrible thing in the world that a person that deals with depression can go through!  The abandoness and loss of someone that was your confidant is as devasting as the depression itself.  This is something that I would encourage you to think about when he is at his lowest.  He doesnt want to be there but he is and without you, he may never reach a level where he could be healthy.  I know that this sounds like you should deal with his depression and not your needs, and believe me i am not saying that.  It is so important that your needs are met as well.  I would be lying if I said that at times it will be a decision that is easy to make but remember that it is your health that is a gift to both of you. 
 
Hang in there and know that from the opposite side of depression, it is one of the most valuable things in his life knowing that he has you. 
I miss my 2%er and his support and love with my depression.  I miss knowing that no matter how hard the depression knocks me down that he was there AT ANY TIME to hold me and fight to the death against depression to make sure I was ok.  It was not my depression that chased him from me but at times I wish it was because he was a great soldier and I really miss that.
 
Do what you can to encourage and listen, do make sure that you let him know how you are feeling and what is important to you, even though we have depression you need to take care of you too!!!
God Bless You!!
 
 


Teresa
" We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another."
Luciano de Crescenzo
 
Of all the moments in my life, you were always there somewhere. Once as a wish. Once as a blessing. And now as the greatest loss I'll ever experience."
Unknown

Post Edited (faithfully4you) : 7/22/2007 8:55:25 AM (GMT-6)


kiwi000
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 7/21/2007 1:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there, my partner (in this case my wife) also has despression and is refusing treatment. I found it very hard to have hope when the person you love won't get treatment and life feels so uncertain. But, like faithfullyforyou says above, try to stay in there. One thing I have learnt about my wife is that she is scared of being depressed and feels embarressed. For her, it's easier to deny depression than to deal with it and she too found solace in work where she did not need to invest emotion.

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 7/21/2007 4:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Really
I agree with all of the advice you have been given,it is so hard to go to the first appointment when you have depression. It hurts the pride and scares you to death. And I think it is harder for men to admit it since they have been trained all of their lives to be strong and not show their emotions.

Keep on him,and I also suggest you getting some type of counseling yourself as it is a known fact that depression can drag everyone else down too.

Keep us posted and stay strong

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.
www.healingwell.com/donate


www.myspace.com/ShynSassy315

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 7/21/2007 12:38 PM (GMT -7)   
HI There,
 
I definately wouldnt back down on this one. If he made the original appointment then he definately wants to start the healing process but may be finding excuses not to go now because he is scared. Try some gentle encouragement anbd maybe offer to make the appointment for him so that he doesnt have to take any time out of his busy schedule to do it himself.
I hope things get back on track.
 
Darren
Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


Singer69
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 197
   Posted 7/22/2007 7:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Really Trying - I'm sorry, I just now saw this post. Glad you like the signature.

I'm sorry to hear about the set back with your husband. I can only echo the supportive words above. In my scenario, my wife denies that she's depressed. Her stance now is that it's me and my situation (meaning that I have two kids and an ex-wife that I have to work a schedule with) that she can't handle anymore. She says that she thought that she could handle it, but she can't, so she's leaving and divorcing me. Oooookay.

I'm not sure if you saw my other posting about her being diagnosed with a sugar addiction (from a psychiatrist), but she has denied that as well. She tried going off of sugar for two weeks to (her words) prove me wrong about it (me and the psychiatrist), but she only lasted six days. She's now back on sugar. She says it makes her feel better and she has more energy.

So, I'm dealing with similar denial from my wife and I'm just not sure what I can do anymore. She has a few good days (like Friday and Saturday) and then it's like she's afraid of it being good, so she derails things again so that she has an excuse to leave. She's going to say and do anything to justify her leaving this marriage. I am convinced that there's nothing that I can do to stop her at this point.

I am just so upset that she promised me everything in the world. We got married, I adopted her two kids, and then we had a baby together. How in the world did I miss anything? I tell you, when all is said and done, I may be on this board for my own depression!

;-)

Hang in there. I'm here (you can Email me directly if you'd like) for you in any way I can be.

Rick..l.
I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change

And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hand
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it’s got nothing to do with me

~ Lyrics from "Daughters" by John Mayer


Really Trying
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 7/25/2007 12:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you everyone for your support with this.  I had a talk with my husband to explain how much it really hurt me that he cancelled the appointment.  He said he would reschedule it but I know it will take so long for him to do it. 
 
But all of your comments are helping me with trying to keep encouraging him.  I really tried to point out that with any work related items he is so quick to offer support and his time and rearrange his schedule, but that he does not do that with me.  I hate that these comments make him feel worse, but I also feel like he really does need to realize that he is continually putting family last. 
 
It is like a catch 22:  either I am honest with him and it makes him feel like crap which he doesn't need; or I continue to pretend that I have an endless amount of patience and am not hurt by his actions.
 
 
 
 

djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 7/25/2007 2:55 PM (GMT -7)   
I know this muist be hard for you at the moment but if your husband is going to re-schedule the appointment thats got to be a good thing. Have you tried offering to make it for him to save him the hassle?

Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


Wifeofdepression
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 7/25/2007 5:46 PM (GMT -7)   
I too am suffering with a husband who is depressed. He is the great salesman who glosses over the illness. His first psychiatrist did not even get to the tip of the iceberg because my husband said all is well at 10mg of lexapro. All the while he was sleeping 4-5 days a week away. By sleeping I mean 20-24 hours in bed. Finally last month I realized that the psychiatrist had put him on Ambien, which he was taking to excess---which is why the sleeping worsened after he saw the psychiatrist. When I took the ambien away he chased me from the house. Luckily I had car keys, no shoes or purse, so I was able to leave as he beat on the car. When I came home hours later he did not even remember doing this, he just wanted his medications.
He agreed to a new psychiatrist. I counted the days to the appointment, the day of the appt came and my husband tried to cancel. I would not let him. I dragged him to the dr. He asked the dr to let me come into the appt. After the intake the dr asked if I had any questions- I told him I just did not want him to sugar coat it. The situation is bad. Our marriage is awful. I am exhausted. Our teenagers do anything not to come home, they want me to leave. The dr increased meds and recommended a therapist. Husband put off therapy appt, he is to go minimum of once a week-but is going only 2 times per month. So far he has seen the therapist once. It was getting better. The kids were happy. He seemed more involved. Then the kids left for camp for a week. He has resumed his sleeping habits. I lost it. I told him to call his therapist to get an emergency appt or I would not come home. I got home and he swore he called the therapist. I called the dr office and lm. She called back a few minutes ago. My husband would not talk to her. He had not called her. They offered him an appt for tomorrow he said he could not go because he had to work--but he has been in bed the last two days.
I am physically sick. I do not think I have any tears left. The therapist told me that this is a process. The process stinks.
 

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/25/2007 7:11 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear Wifeofdepression,

Welcome to Healing Well and I am sorry we meet under these circumstances. You have made a wise choice in joining this forum as the members know where your coming from and what you have been going through.

Depression is a " mood disorder", according to many descriptions of the illness. That is a flagrant understatement. Depression does indeed seriously affect your mood, but that is just the tip of the iceberg. A clinical depression is a debilitating illness, affecting your capacity to perform tasks that require concentration and rendering you unable to work. sad

Your husband is in a very bad place right now and he is in denial.  He cannot be allowed to continue this way so I hope you are strong enough to get him back to the physicians and the therapy.

Please make an appointment for you  to talk one on one with a therapist on how this is affecting your whole family.  Yes it is a slow process with lots of bumps in the road but you cannot get started down the road until he is willing to accept he needs help. Talk to his physician and explain his missuse of his medications.

You mentioned your children want you to leave, are you saying they want you to leave and take them with you? How sad for all of you.

Stay with us and keep posting.

You have my support and hugs.


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
******www.healingwell.com/donate******
_____________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

 


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 7/26/2007 1:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there WifeofDepression and welcome to HealingWell!
 
The abuse of your husbands meds is a real concern for me. Something that the doctor should be made aware of at the very least. Unfortunately, Kitt is right. Healing is a long road full of bumps, lumps and holes. It takes a long time to get to the end, its not a particularly comfortable journey but you can make it to the other end... But only if your husband turns the engine on. The car wont go anywhere until your husband decides to start it. I really feel for you, your husband and your children.
 
Your husbands sleeping pattern is not a healthy one and it is something that should be sorted out promptly. Denial is a big hole that is difficult to get out of yourself. The support of those around you is critical and I hope you are strong enough to give his the support he needs. Hopefully, when he starts seeing a therapist on a regular basis, things will improve.
 
Big British Hugs
 
Darren
Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 7/26/2007 4:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Wifeofdepression

I agree with Darren,the abuse of the meds needs to stop right away. And as a person that was in your husbands shoes,let me tell you it is easy to go down that road.
I took more than what I was supposed to with my meds,it was so easy to think "things are bad right now,so I need just one more"... then it got to the point to where I was calling my doctor for more before I should have been. I just wanted to be out of it,simple as that.

They need to consider giving him something different. That does not make him so tired...and then he needs to understand what can happen if he takes more than prescribed.


Please keep us posted and stay strong!!

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.
www.healingwell.com/donate


www.myspace.com/ShynSassy315

"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


Wifeofdepression
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 7/26/2007 6:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the words of encouragement.
This morning he had a hard time getting up again. He asked if he could stay in bed til 10, I said if he could do that then he could get to the psychiatrist offices. He then got up and left for work.
The kids come home Sunday. Hopefully he will be back to where he was before they left by then. I do not want them to know about this setback. It was crushing to me, I know that it will be hard for them too.

Really Trying
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 7/27/2007 12:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello Wifeofdepression,

I am so glad that you also found this forum for support. Everyone here is very helpful and it has been beneficial for me, at least, to hear others' perspective since I cannot fully discuss my husband's depression with friends and family.

We are both in a difficult situation, while we love our husbands we are very much hurting from their condition and are at a loss of what to do. It sounded like things were getting better for you for a while and then things went down again. I am also hoping with you that things get better when your kids return.

I have not yet asked my husband if he has rescheduled his first appointment with the therapist. I am trying hard to show him that I have the faith and trust in him that he will do this in his own regard... trying to take the approach that this faith and trust in him will help build his esteem and also trying to make the idea of going to the therapist a positive move.

But at the same time I feel like he needs the push to get going... Darren on this forum has made a good suggestion for me to make the appointment for him (thank you!), I am going to see if he makes the appointment in the next week and then call the therapist at the end of next week. I have to face the fact that the appointment really might not happen if left to his own devices.

We have had a good week this week. And today he really opened up and talked to me in a way he hasn't in a very, very long time. He did have a couple glasses of red wine after work while we were getting dinner ready, which I think helped a lot to relax him.

I know my husband is stressed with work, he strives for perfection and feels lousy when he feels he has failed the executives and peers. (which is what I think is a great contributing factor to his depression) This week it seems the executives realized his contributions to the company - and actually verbalized it to him - and I think it boosted his mood and confidence. I know we all look for approval from those around us in our own ways, but to have happiness directly linked to this approval is something I have a hard time understanding. Even with my encouragement about the greatness of his work, it wasn't enough.

But I am learning more and more that a man's professional success is much more demanding on a personal level for a man than for a woman, more than I can ever know or understand as a woman. His financial contributions to our family exceed mine, but over the past couple years I have received a lot of recognition in my company. I know he was happy for me, but at the same time his company was going through challenging times and I know he blamed himself for things (even though the challenges were due to budgetary reasons, not his lack of effort). So I think part of his depression is also due to his work situation.

I'll post an update in about a week... and look forward to keeping up with you, too, Wifeofdepression.

Singer69
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 197
   Posted 7/30/2007 9:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Really Trying,

I hope things are going well for you this week. Did you make an appointment for your husband?

Take care,

Rick...
When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.


Wifeofdepression
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 8/5/2007 5:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Everyone,
Thought I would update you all on my week. My husband spent all but one day out of the last 6 in bed. He sees nothing wrong with this. The only day he was not in bed was the day he went to the therapist and psychiatrist. He actually told the psychiatrist he was 100% better. The psychiatrist told him that he was evasive and wants him to bring me to the next appointment.  The first half of the week I was out of town. He was home alone with the kids. The kids were miserable. When he stumbled down stairs he could barely stand, was argumentative and slurred his words. Conversations were forgotten. He is adamant that the week in bed was due to a bad back and not depression. There is always a reason other than depression why he is in bed.
This week he is to be out of town on a trip with our son. Son does not want to go, but husband adamant that they must go. Yesterday after a huge discussion regarding the trip and whether he should go I left. When I got back he was out biking. When he arrived home he wanted positive feedback for getting out of bed at 3 in the afternoon and riding 10 miles. Today he is back in bed because he is so sore. It is a vicious cycle.
The dr appts are set for the 16th.
I want off the roller coaster.
L.

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 8/5/2007 6:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Wifeofdepression

He is
in denial,that is so sad. I hope he is able to see what he is doing to his family and then get some help.

Please keep us posted and stay strong.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!
www.healingwell.com/donate



"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 8/5/2007 12:55 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi WifeOfDepression,

Im really sorry to hear that things are not getting any better for you. Your husband is in denial and its a terrible stage to have to go through, but a stage we all have to go through. The fact that he is seeing a therapist is a good sign. Like Shy, I only hope that he is able to see what he is doing to you and your children. Spending 6 days a week in bed isnt helping him either. I know its easier said than done, but getting him to exercise for an hour a day in the sunshine would do him a world of good.

Have Strength and Take Care

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/5/2007 1:45 PM (GMT -7)   

Wifeofdepression

I am sorry things have not improved for you and your husband is still clinging to the bed.  He must be pushed into going to therapy and somehow the physician needs to know he is manupulative in avoiding telling the whole story.

It is good you are going with him, if he won't go, you go without him and say it like it is.

You have our support and we care what happens so please keep posting.

(((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
******www.healingwell.com/donate******
_____________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

 


Wifeofdepression
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 8/7/2007 7:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for all the encouragement. As he is on vacation this week alot of the stress that is brough on by him being in bed is removed. After negotiation son and husband agreed to forgo the camping trip and go to cities near by. It was a good resolution. Today they are going to museums.
I agree he needs more therapy than once every two weeks, but he will not go. Trying to be happy with his minimal efforts is hard. He wants praise that he is going, he thinks this is a huge effort. He says that his sleeping is not a big deal, that I am making it into a big deal.
We will have to see what happens next................

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 8/7/2007 10:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Good Luck,I hope he enjoys his quality time with his son!




You stay strong

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!
www.healingwell.com/donate



"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


Wifeofdepression
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 8/9/2007 8:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Shy,
My men are off to a baseball game. Son seems happy, which is good as my husband cancelled their plans yesterday to stay in bed. I got called out of town yesterday. When I called home I found my son upset but told me he could not tell me why he was upset or my husband would be mad with him. Of course I then knew that husband was in bed.
As his psychiatrist and therapist both want me at his next appointment I sat down with a calendar to note the days he has gotten out of bed before 4 in the afternoon. It is about 1 out of 7 days in the last three weeks!!
I dont get it. He is on 30 mg of lexapro. He seems lighter in his moods. I am worried as there are days when his speech is slurred and he forgets conversations, plus sometimes his behavior is just plain odd. This week, the one day he left the house, he got his head shave ala Britney Spears???? He said he wanted to make me happy--his hair seems to be thinning since he started the lexapro-- I mentioned suggesting we purchase a volumizing shampoo, but I never said to shave his head.
We received a report from his endrocronologist which said there is an some type of unformed 6 mm thing on his thyroid, as it is not clear they recommend waiting a year before another look. She also recommended that he go to an aggressive internist, and was kind enough to find someone who is curious and wants to take the case. He said he feels like he has seen enough doctors and just wants to work with his psychiatrist and therapist. Which means he wants me to work with them, as last week he was no evasive they want him to bring me in--i give a more concise picture they told him. I really like this psychiatrist, the first one was a nightmare. He believed my husbands story of being 100% better on 10 mg of lexapro, when there had been no change. This psychiatrist saw thru my husband response that he was 100% better--and told him to bring me in for the next visit.
Frankly I have my own therapist. She is wonderful. I would never dream of taking my husband. Besides you all she is the only one I have to vent all my frustrations with his depression.  Husband has to want to get better. I feel that he wants me to go to his dr so that he can blame me if he does not recover. I get blamed for a lot around here.
Several months ago I gave him a deadline of June 3, 2007 to start to get out of bed. He says that the meds are working and eventually he will be well enough to get out of bed. But when. School starts in a few weeks. This is a crucial year for our daughter. I do not need her being upset. I want to give him the benefit of trying to get better--but what is trying??? I need to define that in my mind. For weeks I have been asking that Husband give me a go to work time and a get home time schedule that he will adhere too--so far nothing. I do not have a viable consequence.
I need to figure this out.
L

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 8/10/2007 5:10 AM (GMT -7)   
I am sorry,I was hoping it was getting better.
Have you considered family counseling? It might be good to all sit down with a counselor and let your children tell their dad how they feel..

You will probably get alot more blame before he gets better,we seem to take it out on the ones that we love...I wonder if it is because we know that they will continue to love us no matter what we say..although that is not a safe way to think.

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Zoloft,Clonazepam
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!
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djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 8/12/2007 1:28 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi L,

Im glad your son seems happy even though he was so upset the day before. Did everything go well? Im sure I remember in the back of my mind someone saying to me about strange behaviour and linking it to Lepraxo, but it was only a temp thing for about a month when he first started taking it. As for the Britney Spears thing... I can possibly relate to that and it might not be as strange as it first looks. Its a case of reading between the lines. (Something I have learned to do very well!) His hair is thinning and you suggest a volumising shampoo. That says to him: "I agree your hair is thinning, lets change that because I dont like it" (That might not be what you mean, but thats probably how he sees it) So his reaction is to stop it thinning completely (I.e. cut it off, since a shaved head is accepted for men) I too, would rather shave my head once my hair starts thinning badly. (Which wont be long at this rate!)

I hope this is of some use to you and I hope things start to improve for you

Darren 

 


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Wifeofdepression
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 8/12/2007 10:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Darren,
Thank you! You added alot of clarity to something my husband has been trying to tell me but I had not understood. When he asks questions about his appearance or behavior I am going to be much more careful in my comments. 
L.
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