"Kicked" off a forum, and now I'm depressed

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Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 102
   Posted 7/21/2007 9:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Ok, so I was on another forum, not related to HealingWell, for another disease that I have, and I basically said that people who don't have a disease can't understand what that's like.  Not so controversial, right?  Well, admittedly, I didn't say it in the nicest possible way, and the context was a thread in which a bunch of mothers of children with this disease were posting.  Nevertheless, I still feel that my basic point was valid, and I apologized for the way I said it (which wasn't that terrible to begin with.)  Anyhow, next thing I know, I've got 6 or 7 different people posting and attacking me personally, stating that I'm stupid, evil, you name it, and that I will never understand the disease the way they do, even though I actually have it.  So I wrote about why I felt that way, which involved stories of my own mother and how clueless she was when it came to my disease.  Some people then backtracked, but most kept bashing me in very personal and insulting ways.  So then I bade farewell to the few people who had been nice to me, saying that the whole exchange made me tired and that I need a support group and I felt I wasn't getting it there, and now there are a bunch of posts basically saying good riddance, and one stating that she's familiar with me and that I'm a troublemaker on other forums.  I haven't got a clue what she's talking about.  That forum is the only one where I post using my real first name, so she's probably got me confused with another poster with my same name.  I have done nothing but try to be helpful to people to the best of my ability, including all of my other posts on that forum, and have never pissed anyone off that I know of except in that one circumstance.  Besides, what's wrong with disagreeing?
I posted in the first place because some girl who reminded me of me was complaining about how depressed she was, and she sounded suicidal to me, and all the mothers were saying things like shut up and buck up, or even "My seven-year-old son handles this disease better than you."  That made me mad, because first of all I felt for her depression, and I felt those were terrible things to say to someone who's depressed, ESPECIALLY if you don't yourself have the disease.
Anyway, so now I think that I really have to go back to my psychiatrist, because this whole thing has me really depressed, and why should I be depressed over some on-line high-school-like clique?  I mean, other than the fact that I went there looking for support that I don't have in real life and managed to get stomped on by the people there?  The HW group seems really nice, but now I'm afraid of being treated like crap here, too.  I have no support system other than on-line.  If I can't express how I really feel, based on the experiences I've had, then what is a support group for?  And why am I crying over this?  God, I do need help.  And I'm mad that the forum moderators didn't step in and put a halt to the Jenn-bashing, but I guess the site is too huge for them to monitor everything.  Anyway, thanks for listening.  It just bugs me that they don't even know me, and act like they do, and that it seems like some people are such jerks.  I mean, I AM their very own child, twenty years further down the road, and they couldn't find it in their hearts to cut some slack for a beaten, lonely little kid still dealing with all this crap?  I feel so alone.
29 yo female with two fuzzy children: a Pom named Snuggles and a Pom mix named PomPom.
Health History: Type I diabetes (19 years), allergies/asthma, hypothyroidism, osteopenia & multiple fractures, iron-deficiency anemia, Crohn's (of course), and depression (go figure.)
Crohn's History:  May have had it since I was 11 (1988-89), definitely have had it since I was 15, was diagnosed when I was 25 (2003), was un-diagnosed in 2005 and re-diagnosed June 2007.   

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/21/2007 10:19 PM (GMT -6)   


Hey there, hello.  Did you actually get the boot off the site or left on your own?  I have been on sites where I was not welcomed and I too cried as I was trying to help and I was not accepted.  I left the site and spent days in tears trying to figure out what I had done for people to tell me to go away.

Well I got through it but it made me gun shy.  I had to go back and remind myself that these people did not know me, and I know I was there for the right reasons. I cannot take the blame for other peoples feelings and in the end I just let it go and moved forward.  I refused to get into any online debate with them.

The moderator on your other forum should have stopped the  thread from getting so abusive. It is ok to agree to disagree but not to be disrespectful.

I hope you find what your looking for here.  It is good  to let the members know when posting about a controversial topic, that your posting your opinion and your feelings. 

I have found Healing Well to foster positive support in both giving and recieving. I hope you find this too.

Again Welcome to Healing Well.  Stay with us and keep posting.   

Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 7/21/2007 10:53 PM (GMT -6)   
let it go. I know I can only control one persons thoughts and actions and that is my own. I try not to let other's hurtful words or atctions affect me. Yes it takes alot of work and coping skills learned through therapy, but I know I need to learn from today and try not to repeat what I feel were mistakes tomorrow. It is my choices I worry about and not others, I can do nothing about them.
We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.


Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/

Dx'd with Crohn's at age 12. Symptoms since age 5.

Learning to live with this Disease rather than be its victim after 42 years.

Another Day
Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 7/21/2007 11:38 PM (GMT -6)   
I agree with Randy about letting it go. Try not to waste any more energy on those people.  We are glad to have you here.  I mostly post on the Epilepsy forum, but pop in here from time to time.  I still deal with depression occasionally, but can still remember when I thought I would never dig my way out of it.  Just know that this group is here for you.
Take care!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 7/22/2007 7:59 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there
I think the reason you are so upset about this is because you thought that you had found your safe zone with that site,somewhere that you could express yourself and not be judged. I am sorry that it turned out that way. Some people are so angry and they take it out on others.
I will admit that we have had some problem here with people attacking others,but the mods do a great job of trying to stop it. We will not have it,and it makes me angry when it happens.
We know that people come here for help,and that this is a great resource.
Give us a chance here,there are so many great people that understand and want to help.

Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.


"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/22/2007 9:23 AM (GMT -6)   
I totally agree
Let it go
Give us a chance here and you will see the difference
I know I have

    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
Moderator for Anxiety /Panic
Moderator for Alzheimer's
Co Moderator for Crohns Disease 
 DX with Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety /Panic
 Your Mind is like a Parachute...Works better when IT IS Open
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tangerine bear
Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 941
   Posted 7/22/2007 9:32 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi Drconnoisseur,

I have tried some other sites too, and I like it much better here. I don't think the mods or admin would let that go on here. There's a little yellow icon in the top corner of each post with a ! on it. If you ever read or experience any mean-spirited posts, just click that button and let the admin know. Also, the mods here are really good. The people on the forums I participate in are understanding and respectful of others, but if you run across a "bad apple" just let someone know. I know that mods can "edit" posts (I mostly see that on advertising attempts), but I'm sure if any discussion gets out of hand they can stop that too.

I think you'll find this forum to be so helpful as I have, and I think you're better off being gone from a place like that. I'm glad you found HW, and maybe the incident was a "blessing in disguise" to help you find someplace with more support.

((((Big Hugs)))


"It's a jungle out there....." 
Theme song from "Monk" by Randy Newman
OCD: Obsessive...Compulsive...Diabetic
                       VIEW IMAGE


Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 102
   Posted 7/22/2007 10:09 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks, everybody...no, I didn't actually physically get booted off the site, to answer your question, stkitt.  I just quit because I got sick of having all these people gang up on me.  I just don't understand how people can be so cruel in a support forum.  A little bickering is one thing, but I just checked back at the site (yes, I know I should let go, but it's hard sometimes, especially when you're depressed) and they're still going at me, even though I haven't posted there in two days, and even though I did everything I could to ameliorate the situation once it started.  I have so many diseases, I think (I hope) I've learned not to judge others for their problems or how they handle them.  This other forum was a diabetes forum, and I guess I feel they are proving my point.  If they were actually diabetic, they would understand how I feel, and at the very least they wouldn't attack me for it.  I would never tell another diabetic they were stupid for doing something, because I know how tough it is.
Argghh.  I know it doesn't sound like it, but I am letting go...slowly.  At least I didn't post any more at the site despite wanting to defend myself.  I'll get over it eventually, but I do think I need to talk to my psychiatrist about my meds, because I think they're starting to poop out after three years.  A year ago I don't think this would have bothered me so much.
29 yo female with two fuzzy children: a Pom named Snuggles and a Pom mix named PomPom.
Health History: Type I diabetes (19 years), allergies/asthma, hypothyroidism, osteopenia & multiple fractures, iron-deficiency anemia, Crohn's (of course), and depression (go figure.)
Crohn's History:  May have had it since I was 11 (1988-89), definitely have had it since I was 15, was diagnosed when I was 25 (2003), was un-diagnosed in 2005 and re-diagnosed June 2007.   

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 7/22/2007 4:22 PM (GMT -6)   


everything in the universe l;ives off of energy.  when deprived of that energy, things die.  the angst throuwn at you in that other forum is a living thing.  it is born, it takes in nurishment (other posts), it produces waste products (let's leave the meatphor for this one, huh?), and, eventually. it will die.  everytime you think about that forum, you are giving it energy and precventing it from dieing - thoughts are real.  when you went to "check up" on the forum, you helped it grow.

i am a crotchety old man who upsets people in all forums.  i have been the recipient of such idocies in hw from time to time.  ok, so maybe i may have provoked a few.  :-)    but, basically, we do tend to agree to disagree in hw.  i welcome you with open arms and an open heart.


That light at the end of he tunnel?  It's an on-coming train.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 7/23/2007 4:22 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there,
I am really sorry about your experiences with other forums, but as many before me have said... let it go. I have seen a few other forums for depression and seen how badly moderated they can be. You can relax here since we are all very friendly and supportive of each other. Also, as mods, we can edit and delete posts which break the forum rules. Me, Els, Family Guy and ShynSassy all moderate Depression (And I know stkitt hangs around too!) and there isd very little that we dont catch between us. You are safe here and we will do our best to make sure you stay safe.
I hope you enjoy your time with us, however long that may be
Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
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