i feel like i've hit rock bottom and there's nothing else to live for :(

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ragdoll11
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 7/23/2007 9:33 PM (GMT -7)   
i just dont know what to do anymore like i think of how my life is rite now and i think "whats the point??" like i have nothing anymore it sucks.
it pretty much started when me and my bf of 2 years broke up because he met some girl on a cruise and he would talk to her on the phone in front of me and i was stupid and stayed wtih him but then i started going out with this one guy and my exbf got mad cuz we would still hang out so then one day my ex was over and got really mad about me going out with the other guy so he started choking me and hitting me and i was trying to get away but it was hard and he just wouldnt stop and my neighbor called the cops and he got arrested for domestic violence.

well i still live with my parents (im 20) and they were out of town that weekend and then they came home and yelled at me for letting that happen and saying it was all my fault and talking about what our neighbors are gonna think of me now, and wouldnt let me leave the house at all ( i was 19 but they still acted like i was like 5) so i just got really really really depressed mostly cuz i felt bad for getting my ex in trouble, i know my brain is screwed up. so liek a month later i started hanging out wtih him again but he changed for the worst this time. he started doing drugs and i was really upset and depressed at that time. Its just that i was stuck at my house for that whole month after the fight that i just thought bad about myself. my exbf was still doing it and by then he got kicked out of his house and i got him a hotel for a week and then he lived at my house til i found out he was cheating on me so i kicked him out and he called me a couple ohours later so i met him at the mental hospital where he went into the inpatient part. i visited him everyday and then he went to rehab after that and i was there for him everyday too and he seemed liek he was gonna change. the day he got out tho, he was avoiding me and its cuz he met another girl in rehab who had 3 kids and started living with her and i was devastated because i thought things were gonna work out when he got out. so then i just became an alcoholic i got arrested on the 4th for underage drinking and running from the cops and then i got a dui. my parents were really mad but they still let me use my car that they paid for.

then last week i drank again and didnt wanna drive home drunk so i spent the nite out and i guess i talked to my mom at 11 that nite and said that i was coming home but i dont remember that. so i came home the next day and they were really mad and took my car and phone away and called me a piece of **** (they've been calling me that since i was liek 10 im not too upset bout that i got used to it and i dont have much respect for them anyways my dad always has **** magazines laying around wide open like by the computer or in the bathroom and he like checks out my friends) but then yesterday my mom kept yelling. Then i woke up this morning, to my mom throwing a bag from my car in my room and yelling at me that i have to get up and she doesnt care bout anything bout me anymore and that im a piece of **** and just yelling and then she drove me to my sisters house and kept yelling too about how im bad and that they're trying to make me good by making me not leave the hosue and i just started crying and she was like o youre stupid and she knows im on antidepressants and everything and then she just kept yelling about my phone bill and stuff and just they like show nooooo support to me at all they call me crazy and say that im messed up in the head.

what should i do ?? im in too much debt rite now to move out unles i move with my sis i just dont know how to ask her







http://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=46&m=106997</A>) I have left as much detail in as I can so that your story still makes sense.



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Post Edited By Moderator (ShynSassy) : 7/24/2007 4:57:44 AM (GMT-6)


Another Day
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 7/23/2007 11:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Ragdoll,
 
Maybe you have hit your rock bottom.  Some times that is what we have to do in order to work our way back up to the top.  You certainly have a lot to live for.  You obviously have a couple of parents who really love you or they would not have put up all your crap for so long.  Yes, I'm calling it crap. But, I'm not calling you crap. I'm sorry, but it sounds like you really need to get it together.  I bet it would be the best thing that ever happened to you if you got rid of that boyfriend all together. He tries to choke you and gets arrested and you feel bad and don't want to get him in trouble?  He needs to be in jail.  He could have killed you. Do you need to go to drug and alcohol treatment or is it at the stage that you can handle on your own?  Show your parents that you can be a responsible adult and I bet they will treat you like one.  I also think you will find that you and your parents will have a much better relationship if you start acting like an adult.  Maybe you all might try family counseling for a few sessions.  You sound like a smart girl, so go out there and do something positive with your life.  I am sorry for being a little hard on you, but I just couldn't sugar coat this one.  Please know that if you stay with that boyfriend your life is going no where.  I am only telling you this to try to help you.  I have two adult daughters and I would tell them the very same thing.
 
I would be willing to bet that the reason no one else has responded to your post yet is possibly because they have read it and thought "Oh, my gosh, that girl probably won't listen to anything we tell her." or "Oh, what a mess."
 
We are here to help you, if you let us and we do care about you.  Feel free to email me any time.  I think you will find there are also many young people on this forum that you might be able to relate to also.  Sorry, I had to play the Mom role on this one.  It doesn't mean I don't care about you.
 
Take care!
 
Carla

djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 7/24/2007 3:49 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Ragdoll and Welcome to Healingwell

I am glad that you have found us. You have been through so much for someone your age and I think it is great that you are able to share that with us in order for us to help you.

For some people, hitting rock bottom is the starting point for rebuilding their lives. I dont think your parents are being very fair on you, although they may not fully understand what is going on in your life. My recommendation to you is to seek professional help with this one. What country are you from? I get the impression you are from the US. I believe that you can just turn up in the ER and get help with serious cases (Although someone may correct me, since I am from the UK) There are also many helplines that you can call for support. (I believe 1-800 SUICIDE is quite a big well known one in the US) Please hang in there. There is plenty of support here for you. Have you asked your sister about moving in with her? Is she more supportive of you?

If you want to email me for anything (As some-one to talk to / Regarding my edit etc...) simply use the envelope icon on the left.

Have strength and Be safe

Darren  


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
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ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 7/24/2007 4:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Ragdoll
Welcome to the forum I am very glad that you found us.
You are in a rut right now and your parents are not handling it very well. Parenting does not come with a book,and we make big mistakes.

I saw that you are currently on antidepressants. Which is good as it is a step in healing. But I do think that you need to rethink your environments. In order to get better you have to be in a healthy situation and you are not.

When a red alert goes up about someone,I would not hang out with them. It is time to get yourself back onto your feet and show your parents that you can do it. I am sure they are frustrated with themselves as much as they are with you. That is normal cause they just do not know what to do. I am also sure that they love you very much,if not they would not be worried about you when you don't come home.

Are you in counseling? That would be a very big step for you. Just being able to talk to someone and get their advice.
Please keep us posted

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Currently taking none.
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"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

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