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faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 8/7/2007 11:05 AM (GMT -7)   
You know they say that there is always sunshine after the rain but happens when you dont look forward to the sunshine any longer, what happens if there is no reason to think that there are brighter days when you know that the brighter days when and if they appear are only temporary?
 
There are people in this world that live by that philisophy and I am envious of their ambition to believe that however I am no longer one of those people.  When your better days in your mind are not a reality what do you do then?  Get help so that you can go on knowing and denying that yes there are going to be bad days but I can deal with that know because my meds are working and my therapy is going well, and that is great but what about tomorrow, does anyone know how painful it is to know that the sunshine brings absolutely no joy and that the rainy days only are worse.  So what then?
 
I have always tried to be strong and show the ones that I love that I can do this, I CANT!  Im ao sorry that the days for me are only an extension of more heartache and disappointment.  Dont anyone say that I feel this way now, because I have fought this pain for several months now mostly alone and keeping it from people trying to fit in, not anymore. 
 
I used to pray and trusted in what my God showed me or the path that I was sure that he wanted mwe to take but now I don't.  My struggles have been great and God has let me struggle in order to gain the the things he wanted for me, it was a lie, to me it was a lie.  And if not, he gave me way to much to handle, I guess I was not faithful enough or strong enough but I am ok with that now.
 
So the story goes.
Teresa
 
It is the heart which perceives God and not the reason. That is what faith is: God perceived by the heart, not by the reason.
 
(Blaise Pascal (1623-1662), French scientist, philosopher. Pensées (1670), no. 424, ed. Krailsheimer; no. 278, ed. Brunschvicg.)
 


bionca
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 8/7/2007 5:06 PM (GMT -7)   

Teresa,

I would like to thank you for referring to me as a angel in your other post. Here's what I have for you. How many times do I have to ask you to have some faith in yourself?? You aren't going to find happiness in an antidepressant bottle. The meds are supposed to help you thru your depression. You are always doubting your self worth. You have no idea just how valuable you are, not just to me, but to many, many, many others as well. My dear friend, I for one, would miss you very much, and the thought of you not snapping out of this, is devastating. Your writing is truly colorful and it's hearfelt. I want you to hang in there because someday it is going to get better.

 

Tina

 


Diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, Epstein-Barr virus, and severe depression. Have been on Prozac, cylexa, Effexor, and Wellbutrin. Currently, I am prescription free and doing well.


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 8/7/2007 5:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Teresa,  I am glad that your meds are getting better and thearpy also.  I can understand your fustration and even anger in knowing your getting better/stronger yet there is always that one thing in life that will never be or that we feel we cant be complete because it is missing.  I have very recently went through a rough situation with a guy I dated for over a year when I was 18.  For over 16 yr afterwards I had feelings for him as he was my first love, I guess we usually do hold on to that.  So when he came back into my life after all that time what do I think but fate? destiny? maybe I went through 11 yrs of hell with my ex husband to have the stars align just right for us?  No...it is all crap. 
 
Your an amazingly strong woman Teresa, I have told you that before.  When you love you do it with your whole heart, soul, body and mind.  It isnt something your going to snap out of...and as we all know either is depression.  I am sorry but that is the worst kind of phrase to use in any context related here.  I too have thought for the longest time that there was only that one person for me.  Brighter days ahead?  Who knows?  Who is to blame?  I think the one thing we can do as those strong women is start to learn how to make ourselfs happy.  Depression or not.  I dont want to be alone forever, it would be really nice not to be but while I am alone I would like to learn how to be content with myself.
 
Teresa, I updated my e-mail address in my profile.  Msg me anytime...Ive been crzy busy with just moving and going back to work recently.  Hugs :-)

Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


bionca
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 8/8/2007 2:04 PM (GMT -7)   

Teresa,

Els is right and I owe you an apology. snapping out of something isn't the proper word usage at all, and I am very truly sorry. You know I am here for you anytime. I guess I just want you to feel better so much. Please forgive my bad wording. Please e-mail me soon.

Your friend always

Tina


Diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, Epstein-Barr virus, and severe depression. Have been on Prozac, cylexa, Effexor, and Wellbutrin. Currently, I am prescription free and doing well.


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 8/8/2007 6:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Teresa

Even though you don't see it right now. I believe that your experiences and your strong heart will be able to not only help you get better but also many MANY other people.

I envy you at being so strong and I know that one day you will be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.


Love,
Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Zoloft
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!
www.healingwell.com/donate



"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 8/10/2007 5:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks you guys for all the wonderful posts as usual you guys always seem to pull me from the ruins where I brush off and start over, THANKS SO MUCH!!!! I couldnt ask for a better forum of people!!
 
I want to address the last post.  I believe it is Joe.  I am not sure if you are familiar with what my depression has brought to my life but I will assure you that the advice you gave regarding the research and thinking are all a part of my life.  In fact most of the members on here will agree that I probably have (or think I do) more advice than anyone else.  I have spent my life researching my depression and owe the wellness I do fortunately have to that resource.  In researching, I was able to obtain the VNS device which I have and found in its research stage with epileptics.  Research I guess you could say is one of the things that I do maybe to much of at times.  As far as some of the natural oils and herbs, I tend to stay away from those when it comes to my depression because of the severity I experience when change is made with treatment for it.  I do however appreciate the advice and know that they do work for others.
 
I do think alot and I know alot of my "stinkin' thinkin'" keeps me in the past but believe me my past is really crappy and I try not to stay there a whole lot. 
 
My God has been with me in the past and sees me through each and every day.  Even when I have my days when yesterday wont leave me alone.
 
Welcome to the forum and keep up the great advice.  There is such a wealth of experiences here that all advice is a blessing.
Teresa
 
It is the heart which perceives God and not the reason. That is what faith is: God perceived by the heart, not by the reason.
 
(Blaise Pascal (1623-1662), French scientist, philosopher. Pensées (1670), no. 424, ed. Krailsheimer; no. 278, ed. Brunschvicg.)
 

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