Sinking lower and lower I'm so lonely I can't stand it!

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Aurora60
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 8/7/2007 3:33 PM (GMT -7)   
I just feel so bad and so low.  Last week-end was so terrible for me.  I vowed I would not let myself get in that position again and now this week-end is coming and I am so afraid.
Both my sons will be out of town so my safety net is gone.  The 2 friends I have who are not on vacation already have plans so I am left with nothing to do.  Last week-end I planned to go to the bookstore and browse and sit in one of the comfy chairs and read.  I felt so insecure and panicky that I didn't go out all week-end and I was just miserable and lonely.  I am going to try to get out again on Sat and hope I can make it to the bookstore and garden shop.  I just hope I don't lose my nerve and feel too unsafe to go out.  I know I just have to get thru to next Mon and things will improve but hanging on that long is going to be very difficult for me.  I just can't stop crying.  Lonliness is the worst thing for me.

els
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Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 8/7/2007 3:46 PM (GMT -7)   

Oh Aurora! I am so sorry things are so bad for you right now sad .  I wonder if maybe your trying to put your goal of getting through to next Monday a little high?  I understand that you have an event of the weekend coming up that your dreading but, today is only Tuesday and focusing on the weekend, what you might or might not do and being alone without your boys isnt going to help you one bit.  The crazy thing about time is that it is always the same, it is just our preception of it that changes it.

I too can get bad anxiety about certian events so I have to concentrate really hard on not stressing about tomorrow or the next day.  My goal is always to focus on today and let tomorrow come as it will.  It has helped my anxiety greatly in that area.

Hold on sweetie, you know you always have HW to come to...


Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
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stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/7/2007 4:35 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear Aurora,

I am sorry you are anticipating a bad week-end.  Any chance you can just stay in the moment and not worry about the future.  Remember the week end is only two days, so let the tears flow and then write a list of what you are going to do this week - end.  Concentrate on how you might put a smile on someones face. 

Write some cards or notes to mail or email online cards, they are fun. 

Play computer games, everything is online and I like Canasta and the Trivia games.

Go to the store and buy some fresh in season fruits and make yourself a treat. Take a short walk in a park.

Wash your car.  Go thru your closet and if you have not worn something in the past year bag it up and arrange for one of the agencies to pick it up.  I am partial to Eplipesy Foundation myself and they pick up curbside.

I am sure others will have some ideas for you too.  We are here so keep posting and know we care for you and support you.

Hugs,Kitt


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
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ekalski
New Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 8/7/2007 5:30 PM (GMT -7)   
If you went to the bookstore, what would you read?

Ed

Post Edited By Moderator (Admin) : 9/4/2007 4:31:11 PM (GMT-6)


Dee75
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 247
   Posted 8/7/2007 9:27 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Aurora!

I know how it is to be lonely. I lost my husband a year ago and I've have depression/anixety. I live in Colorado Springs. My children live in California and grandchilren in Denver. I found that volunteering is a wonderful thing. I help people, meet people and get my mind off me. I started a rose garden and joined the Rose Society. We do volunteer work a the Horticultural Art Society. I volunteer at the library and I crochet afghans for the cancer center at the Memorial Hospital. I feel so much better now. It's hard to get started, but keep trying. Lots of luck, Dee yeah


Another Day
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 8/7/2007 11:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Aurora,
 
Dee is right about volunteer work.  You will usually find that in helping others, you get back more than you give, even though that is not your intention.
 
I have had that happen a lot in serving on non-profit boards.  When I was first going through my divorce in 1994 and was so depressed, I started going down to Girls Inc and just helping out in the afternoons when the girls would get there after school.  I would help them with their home work or whatever needed to be done.  A few months later I joined the Board of Directors.  I still continued to volunteer several times a week.
 
Then I met this eight year old girl, Kera and we just bonded. Her mother was in prison and expecting her 5th child, all were by different fathers.  Kera's maternal grandmother had custody of her and three other grandchildren and would not let the paternal grandmother who was a very nice lady have custody, because she was receiving a government check on all of the children.  This grandmother would let Kera come and stay with me for days at a time without every even coming out to the car to meet me or knowing my name, phone number or where I lived.  Kera and I spent time together for several years.  She had her own room at my house.  My girls were already grown and out of the house.
 
I can remember one day when we were at the park and I was pushing her in a swing and she jumped out and wanted to push me in a swing because she said she wanted me to have fun that day too.  I also remember one day when I was taking her home, she asked me what I would have done if she had not spent the day with me.
 
The grandmother that Kera lived with was a drug dealer as was Kera's uncle who also lived in the house.  Kera also told me that gun shots were fired at night and she would take her brothers and sisters and hide in a closet.  Then one day she asked me to help get her out of her grandmother's home.  Kera and I met with her teacher, guidance counselor and school principal.  We also met with a police officer and I met with Social Services.  The police officer told her some things to do if she got afraid while they were trying to get this all worked out.  He then told her she was a very brave little girl.  When Kera told him that she learned it all from Ms. Carla, it was all I could do to keep from breaking down and crying.
 
It wasn't long before Kera's grandmother somehow found out what was going on and would not let me see Kera and would not allow her to go to Girls Inc.  I was really frightened for Kera. Back then I served on a large Mental Health board which covered a large part of our state.  Before one of meetings, I went up to the CEO and explained the situation and asked how could we make Social Services do something.  When he told me that we couldn't, I wanted to just start jumping up and down and screaming.  I had told this little girl that I would help her and now I was up against a brick wall.
 
I lost touch with Kera for several years.  I have never been happy to hear that someone has passed away, but I have to say I was not unhappy when I read in the newspaper that her grandmother had died. 
 
I guess by this time her father had time to grow up and he has married a lady that Kera thinks of as her mother.  Kera is now in her second year at the University of Louisville on a full scholarship.  When I told her how proud I was of her, she told me it was because I taught her that she could do anything.  She is so smart and so beautiful.  I am as proud of her as I am of my two daughters and I can't wait to attend her graduation in a couple of years.
 
Aurora, I went into detail about this because I want you to know just how rewarding some volunteer work can be.  This little girl gave me so much more than I ever gave her.  I've served on a lot of boards and committees and I've done my share of volunteer work and I don't regret one moment of it.  As a matter of fact, I've met a lot of people over the years this way.  I think it would make you feel much better about yourself to be out there helping others in your community.  It certainly helped me when I was at my lowest point with my depression.
 
Take care!
 
Carla
 

Epilepsy, severe adult onset asthma, allergies, GERD, depression, hypothyroidism


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 8/8/2007 7:19 AM (GMT -7)   

Thanks Dee and Carla,

I am a volunteer at my local senior center and it is very rewarding work.  I have met new people and they also have good programs to attend.  Most are much older than me but that doesn't really matter to me.  My problem is not during the week.  The center is not open on week-end and evenings and those are my rough spots.  I do have plans Fri night with an old high school friend and i'm still trying to plan Sat.  It is just the nights alone in the house that are so lonely.  There aren't too many people to talk to if any.  I think if it gets bad this week-end that I will try calling a hotline.  They may be able to help - at least it is someone to talk to.

Aurora


goddess0728
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 81
   Posted 8/8/2007 7:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello again Aurora

I don't have much to add but wanted to say again I am thinking of you. :)

Carla, you just made my day with that story. Thank you, and thank you for helping Kera.
“Good counsel failing men can give, why? He that's aground knows where the shoal doth lie” - Benjamin Franklin

“When we turn to one another for counsel we reduce the number of our enemies.” - Kahlil Gibran


Korissa
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 337
   Posted 8/8/2007 9:40 AM (GMT -7)   

I recently took intensive training for hospice volunteer and was assigned a person I was to see tomorrow. The last 5 days I have been running a temp 101+ so I called my doctor and she said no way should I be around a person who's been in hospital and could  be carrying diseasese I could catch. I have a chronic disease which can lower my immune system. It's not contagious, but don't know what this fever is.

I've been communicating with the coordinator by voicemail and she checked with the hospice doctor who said there's no way this woman could give me anything and my doctor doesn't know what she's talking about.

I thought there would at least be some concern for the poor woman who is dying, in case I would give her something.

Anyway, what I  started to do to help get me out of myself has turned into a nightmare. I feel like Iv'e failed and let hospice down. And the coordinator hasn't returned my call of yesterday, so she may be expecting me to  be there tomorrow. She's on 24 hour call, so don't know why she doesn't call.

Feeling tired and useless!

 

 

 


Korissa
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 337
   Posted 8/8/2007 9:51 AM (GMT -7)   

Sorry Aurora, after I finished and submitted my rant about volunteering, I realized I was really not too helpful or encouraging. Others were telling you what an uplifting experience volunteering can be and I kind of threw cold water on that and didn't mean to.

I intend to find some other things to do that don't involve the dying. If my doctor had know in advance I was going to do hospice I know she would have said no. But there are other things I might try while I'm getting better. Maybe tutoring, sorting things at our Neighbors organization. Not sure what, but first have to get well and get over feeling like I was  beaten up my hospice coordinator.

I know what you mean about dreading the weekends in advance. They're the hardest to plan for since it's a couples world especially on the weekend. There are only so many dvds to watch, walks to take, church in the am, and then there's still plenty of time to be all alone and oh so lonely!


Jenni462
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 162
   Posted 8/8/2007 11:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Aurora, I feel your pain so much. I am pretty much all alone in New York City. I should feel lucky that I get to live in such an exciting place but I don't know how much longer I can handle doing almost everything alone. Even if I meet people, so few are interesting in building new friendships. Even when I get up the energy to do something alone, or go to a meetup, I'm still alone, and I still know that and the thoughts don't go away, even if you're doing the right thing for yourself. I have no boyfriend, no girlfriends apartment to run to for comfort, no family nearby, no one.
I wish I could give advice, but just letting you know you're not alone here at least.
"On really romantic evenings of self, I go salsa dancing with my confusion."

Crohn's - (Asacol)
Anxiety - (Klonopin)


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 8/8/2007 2:41 PM (GMT -7)   

Aurora, I was wondering if you have any pets?  Like a cat or dog? 

I live by myself and I have my fat (shhh, dont tell him I said the f word it makes him upset) cat Normandy, who also goes by Normy or Sluggo when he is really lazy and wont move out of the middle of the floor.  So moody.  Anyhow, just having another presence here is calming to me.  I talk to him but he is a talkative cat so that makes it interesting I guess.  Pets are great therapy and help so much with loneliness.  Dogs are good too if your able to keep up with them, the best thing is that they never ask for anything but love and affection. 

Just trying to throw some ideas out there for you


Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 8/8/2007 5:30 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks Jennie and Elisha for your concern.  I do have 2 dogs mini poodles and they are good company.  I just wish they could talk.  I know how hard it must be for you Jennie being in a new city and one so big as NY.  Do you have a job where you can meet people?  How about others where you live?  Maybe you can search thru the newspaper and see if there are any organizations to join.  I don't know if you are religious but church is sometimes a good place to meet people.  A church usually has some organized groups.  I wish I could give you more suggestions but i'm at a loss myself.  Keep posting and know that everyone here is very caring and will help you as much as possible.  You can write a post and I will answer you.  Take care.

Aurora


Jenni462
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 162
   Posted 8/8/2007 5:38 PM (GMT -7)   
I do everything someone new to a city should do, go to meetups, volunteer, join a gym, online dating...and a over a year later im still lonely and miserable.
"On really romantic evenings of self, I go salsa dancing with my confusion."

Crohn's - (Asacol)
Anxiety - (Klonopin)

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