ElishaCo~Mod: DepressionModerator: Heart & Cardiovascular Diseasehttp://www.healingwell.com/donate
Good Morning rick,
I am sorry that things are up and down at your home. I continue to follow your postings and wish I had the magic answer. Would she consider using an online Mental Health group of her own or would she not like the idea? It might be good for her.
How about a blog, as some of the A & P members are using blogs to act as their journals and to just get it out.
I am not real familiar with setting one up but many people here are and possible you know how too.
I keep you in my prayers and I am sorry to see you so sad.
Unfortunately, your current situatin is one of the reasons why unions end; meaning, the partners have completely different beliefs and the one that has the depression thinks exactly as your partner is thinking, while you are aware of reality. Like others have said; it is not her that you are fighting and frustrated with, but the selfish illness that has caught hold of her.
On a positive note (as positive as you can see it), the episode is not permanent. At some point, it will end. It's if it will end before your union with her ends, that's the question I guess.
I can sense some strong anger and resentment that has built up inside of you, and believe me, no one can blame you as it is well justified.
Have you looked into the support groups for friends and family of those with BP/Depression? The two groups I attend supply much needed comfort while I go through this journey with my partner.
Why don't you IM me when you get a chance and we'll talk more about this.
Breathe, be well (as much as you can be right now),
Being "encouraging, loyal", taking long walks, etc, can be helpful but if your wife is seriously depressed, those things won't help much.
There are many different kinds of depression. There's the kind that comes from loss of a loved one, which is usually temporary, and the kind that can drag out for years and years. I think if a person is involved in lengthy, unhealthy periods of depression, then a spouse may have grounds for divorce. A person this depressed that does not seek professional help will most likely stay depressed. There is no way to "cure" depression that does not involve hard work. A person can not "force" their spouse to stop being depressed. I found out recently that friends of mine are getting divorced because of an issue a lot like this. She was constantly depressed and would not get help. It was not for lack of love that they divorced, but they had become more like room-mates instead of spouses. After time, it becomes unfair to the other person who wants a fulfilling, healthy relationship. This is just my thinking by trying to put myself in your place.
I know you only want to be in a loving relationship where you are equal to and appreciated by your spouse. Having no relationship may be better than an abusive or neglectful relationship. You worth more than that.
I just pray your wife will see the light and accept that she has Depression. She needs help but if she won’t admit it you may have to think of you and the children’s well being for now.
Post Edited (stkitt) : 8/13/2007 9:05:16 PM (GMT-6)
Post Edited (manyembers) : 8/13/2007 11:27:59 PM (GMT-6)
Post Edited (Singer69) : 8/14/2007 2:01:21 AM (GMT-6)
Good Morning Rick
A new day has dawned and I hope it is a good day for you.
I am glad you had a meaningful conversation with your wife and have put the two choices out there for her to make up her mind. I am wondering if you set a realistic time limit for her to make up her mind about which way to go? I would be careful not to push her to hard but pick a time and stick to it.
The children are very important as they will be confused and scared. It sounds like they are real great kids and are pitching in to help out now. However, many children of divorced families do not manifest problems until they are adults.
If you grew up as a child of divorce, you may find yourself asking: Why am I so afraid of conflict? Why do I have such a fear of commitment? Why am I always waiting for the “other shoe to drop,” even at moments of success? You may be surprised to discover how common these feelings are for children of divorce, especially as they get older.
At this point, I believe that your wife should be involved in working with the children too, as she sould be expected to share the problems and confusion that the children are experiencing.
Sometimes children will behave in a way they think will make Mom and Dad stay together. They will do whatever it takes to be good and make you love them and stay together.
Now, onto you, are you ready for the worse to become a reality?
An important first step will be in recognizing the obstacles you are likely to encounter and the choices you must make, so that the pathway out of divorce need not be one of dissolution but one of healing and ultimate fulfillment.. I know you are trying not to think about divorce as a reality, but keep some thoughts on the back burner on how you will make it through if this is the final outcome.
For the time being, I believe that you are on the right track, but taking care of you is your number one job because if you fold, it looks like the family will crumble at your feet.
You have my support and gentle hugs. (((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))