First of all, welcome to the Depression board. You will find people here very sympathetic and very willing to share their insights with you.
Just a few hints when making a post. It is much easier for board members to read your post if you break things up into paragraphs. We don't mind long posts, but it is much easier to structure responses to your questions and thoughts if things are broken up in chunks, and punctuation is always a plus.
Now for your situation. Becoming dependant on the support of a male who is not your husband isn't really a good idea. It seems that your "friend" has had to back off because of his relationship with his girlfriend. You were pushing his limit, competing for his time. Basically, after a period of time, he had to choose between supporting you emotionally or honoring his girlfriend's wishes. From the saga you explained, you have become quite territorial with this friend. He chose his girlfriend, and you have not been able to graciously let him go.
You are still protesting this "dismissal", fighting to keep in contact with him. Sending a card to him just screams of your unwillingness to accept his decision. The deceptive way you explained what you wanted to do regarding the card, shows a complete inability to respect his wishes. Just face it. He had a choice, you lost, and you are mad as hell about it. You have no control over him, and it bugs the heck out of you.
If you can't transfer this need of support back to your husband, I would suggest some marital counseling. Your husband may be tuning you out now, possibly because he sensed of all the effort you put into contact with your "friend". You questioned what a "friend's" behavior should be, but your were expecting way too much attention from this other man.
You mentioned that none of the fertility specialists could explain why you haven't been able to have a baby. I sincerely doubt they couldn't give you a basic diagnosis. Perhaps you just didn't want to hear what they had to say. It doesn't sound like you have much of a relationship with your husband, and maybe the tension had something to do with things not working normally. A lot of people end up pregnant soon after they stop working so hard to conceive. I believe that GOD sometimes intervenes in this kind of situation, only allowing things proceed once the environment is right. Just my opinion.
I hope that some of this has been helpful to you. I recognize that sometimes I see some things as very black or white. I have given you the best insight I can, and I hope you don't take anything I've said negatively. It was not intended that way.
Let us know how things are going.
You have received much wise advise and I agree with all. I feel you need to let go as this friendship is not something this man wants to continue and yes your blowing up at him and forcing him to choose was a mistake but we all make mistakes. Also if neither of you were able to tell your S.O. about the friendship that is sad, and I know it is never easy to let go, but in this case it will be best for you.
Special hugs to you
Leigh Ann, I know we have discussed this before or that I have at least posted to you regarding this very same issue. It is apparent that you prefer that people post a certain way however, this is NOT a forum rule. Members are allowed to post in any manner, format, font, color that they wish. This is why the Admin has included these options on the boards. I am truly sorry if some of the members posts make it difficult for you to read...some of them are hard for me to read, as I am sure it is for others. BUT, in the future please do not dictate to others on how to post. This is only going to make people upset and drive them away from Healing Well which is the very last thing we want to encourage.
Thank you ~ Elisha
Post Edited By Moderator (els) : 8/12/2007 10:02:35 AM (GMT-6)
SR14225, People can have friends of the opposite sex and it is only friendship. I am 56 years old and my best male friend is a guy I graduated from high school with. I know that I can call him any time day or night and he would be right here for me. He and his first wife divorced about six years ago. The year after that, Johnny, my friend, ran for a public office and asked me to be his campaign manager because I had a lot of political experience. His entire family worked on the campaign. To back up a little, when they were going through divorce, even though Johnny was the one who was my friend, I remembered what it was like going through divorce, I called Gail, his ex-wife several times and invited her to go to dinner, a movie or a ballgame and she always had an excuse. When I started helping him on his campaign, she started a rumor that of course, spread like wild fire that I had broken up their marriage, which was totally not true. We were not even dating. The rumor was all over town and of course Johnny and I were seen together a lot because of the campaign. I could have stopped helping him, but I chose to hold my head high and keep on doing what I was doing since I was doing nothing wrong.
After the campaign, I did write her a letter letting her know how painful and uncomfortable her rumors had been for me. I reminded her that I had tried to reach out to her. She tried to deny she had started any rumors, then she did own up to the fact that she thought at first that we were having an affair, but she knew now that wasn't true.
Johnny remarried about three years ago and I am crazy about his wife. She understand our friendship. He helped me move back in December and would help me with anything. His wife, Melanie knows she has nothing to worry about, that we are just friends. Johnnie and I would do anything to help each other, but I would never ask him to do anything that would upset Melanie or sacrifice their marriage. I wouldn't respect him if he did.
I'm just not sure that is the kind of friendship you are wanting from your friend. I agree with the others, maybe you need to put this energy into your marriage. Do you really want to cause your friend to lose his relationship with his girlfriend?
ElishaCo~Mod: DepressionModerator: Heart & Cardiovascular Diseasehttp://www.healingwell.com/donate