Loving Yourself Before Someone Else

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BlueMoon878
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 237
   Posted 8/10/2007 6:43 PM (GMT -7)   
For a really long time I thought it was very bizarre that people in serious relationships could be depressed. Having never been in one myself, I see how ignorant this was. I feel like I don't, at this stage in my life, like myself enough to believe that anyone else could. Is this crazy? There is a guy in my life who I'm friends with who has admitted feelings for me. I don't feel the same way, and it makes me more depressed to think about rejecting him. I've dropped hints that I'm not interested, but he keeps pursuing me as I spiral back intro depression. How do I cope? This is also coming on the heels of my not wanting to return to a therapist/drugs because I'm going to school in the Fall and don't have time/money to experiment with therapy/drugs. What do I do?

pieball
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 8/11/2007 4:33 AM (GMT -7)   
i am married and i feel the same as you. I sometimes wonder why my husband likes me. Is that bizzare? I wish i could like myself and not feel this way all the time.
If you don't like the man, i'm sure he will catch on after a while if you show no interest. The most important thing is to find out why you don't like yourself. You sound like there may be guilt also in your life by saying you would feel bad about rejecting him. I feel bad and guilty all the time about people so i normally end up doing what they want, then i get angry because it's not what i really want to do, do you do the same?
Maybe this could be therapy? Just talking could help both of us?

ShynSassy
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Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 8/11/2007 5:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Blue

I have learned from dealing with bad situations for way to long and harsh depression that you have to watch out for yourself. If a situation does not feel right then walk away. Simple as that.
At some point you have got to get your head clear for school and this guy is not helping matters...even if he is not trying to do it.

Could you simply just write him a letter/email explaining your feelings and then if he keeps up with the pursuit then I would stay away from him.
Some guys just do not know how to give up...that is when you need to put the sign right in front of their eyes.



Keep us posted.

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!
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"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


faithfully4you
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Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 8/11/2007 12:14 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree with Shy~
If this person is someone that you are not interested in, maybe a letter is the best way.  The thing that I ask is this, is being depressed the reason you are not interested in him or is it just not there for other reasons (looks, no chemistry)?  If it is because you are afraid to go further because of your depression and you like this person, what a tragedy it would be to let a possibly good relationship go because of something you can fight!  Believe me depression takes enough of the things in life you already have, dont let it defeat you by self-doubt.
 
As far as someone loving you as a "depressed" person, there is no terms to loving someone.  The first thing you must have is love and the ability in yourself to know that you are truly good enough for anyone.  The first person you must convince is you!!!  If you have that than the rest falls into place.  I know that there are alot of members here that deal mostly deal with the negative side of what they are dealing with when it comes to loving someone with depression.  Unfortunately for these "special" people the biggest battle they fight in life is trying to keep their loved one from being destroyed by depression.  I am also sure that these people love their partners even with depression and know that it is the person they fell in love with and just like developing a "terminal illness" it is something that occurs after they have loved a person for many years.  In that case I think that it is a matter of how strong the relationship is, not an issue of not loving that person because now they have depression.
 
In my case, my loved one actually learned about my depression the second day we knew each other.  It was something that I kept from so many others but felt comfortable telling this NEW person.  Long story short, he turned out to be the biggest HERO in my life in trying to defeat my depression, although we are no longer together, the depression was not enough to destroy his love, it was life in general and the breaking of trust.
 
There are people that will love you and your depression the best advice I can give is too be true to yourself and if you love someone, dont keep something so important from them.
 
Remember, although some of us look at ourselves as damaged goods because of depression, I know many people that find treasures in the bin of "damaged goods"!
Teresa
 
 The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. Let us move forward with strong and active faith.


els
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Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 8/11/2007 12:20 PM (GMT -7)   

BlueMoon, I totally agree with Shy here.  You really need to put a stop to whatever is going on with this guy.  Sometimes the guys that cant or dont get the hints are the weird ones.  Dont feel guilty, like you said you need to concentrate on other things and your just not interested in him...end of story.  Trust me if you shake him loose he will find another girl by next week to fall lin love with. 

As for loving yourself before you can love someone else well, that is a tough question.  I think all of us have some self doubt and insecurities.  I cant say I totally love myself but I am capable of loving someone else.  Well, I think I am eyes .  Anyway, you do what you feel is right for you.  Before you know it things will fall into place.


Elisha
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Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
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djdaz_1985
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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 8/12/2007 1:57 AM (GMT -7)   

I agree with Shy too,

You might need to be brutally honest with him but he will find someone else next week once he realises there is no chance. He's probably lonely or possibly a wierdo. On a personal level, its not a risk I would want to take.

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
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BlueMoon878
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 237
   Posted 8/12/2007 3:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks. I've thought about it, and I can't believe that someone likes me; I think I was/am more attracted to the fact that someone liked me more than the guy. I'm in love with the idea of having someone that loves me? Is that weird?

djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 8/13/2007 1:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Thats not weird at all. We all want to be loved by someone and if you think its never going to happen, you can simply like the attention it brings. Like you, I can't believe that someone would want to love me and live with me for the rest of my life. But at the same time I also believe there is someone out there for everyone. I just gotta find her out of 6 billion(?) people!
Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


BlueMoon878
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 237
   Posted 8/13/2007 3:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Point well taken, but it's also probably not healthy to be fantasizing about John either... am I right? :O)
I am sorry Blue but I edited out the man's last name as this could open up HW to law suits for having his full name on a public internet forum without his permission.  I really do hope you understand.  Thank you ~ Elisha

Post Edited By Moderator (els) : 8/14/2007 4:37:13 AM (GMT-6)


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 8/14/2007 4:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Blue
You are only human and lonely that combo can cause some havoc that is for sure.
But,if you are not sure about your feelings for this guy,then maybe you need to really sit down and think about his pros and cons.

What do you like about him? What do you not like about him. Remember one thing though You can not change him. So,make sure the cons stay in the cons list not a " change cons " list if that makes sense?

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!
www.healingwell.com/donate



"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


BlueMoon878
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 237
   Posted 8/17/2007 1:32 PM (GMT -7)   
i think that's my problem. i want to have a change cons list... i feel like i had this bizarre list of things that i wanted in a guy and he fits all the criterion and i still am not interested. but who am i to reject someone?

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 8/19/2007 6:03 AM (GMT -7)   
You deserve to have someone that fits all of your needs. Never settle,because if you do then you will end up regretting it.



Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!
www.healingwell.com/donate



"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

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