Welcome to Healing Well chico41, glad to have you join us here.
First let me just say (((kindly))) and from a females perspective, that when I read your post here I didnt see you discussing your wife's depression and what hardships it causes BUT more so common marital problems/miscommunications.
You did mention that your wife "has been on depression meds for years"...My concern here would be that you state that she is seeing several doctors to get her medication right. In fact she should only have one physician managing her medications. Ever heard the saying "too many fingers in the pot"? My suggestion would be to seek out a psychiatrist. Most people dont like to or resist this idea as they feel this would "label them" but in fact these are the physicians that are most qualified in prescribing antidepressants, know the chemical compounds of the drugs and are most able to keep up on adjustments or changes if needed.
Yeah a lot of people who have depression are pesimiscit...it just comes with the territory I guess. I would say that instead of trying to be her mentor you should try to just be supportive of her and let her know that you are there. Dont try to direct her or change her because that will cause anger. Depression isnt something you can fix or something that is going to just go away. It is a medical illness, chemical imbalance that she cannot control and you cant control by giving her suggestions on being positive. Your different people and going to see things in different ways...it seems that you need to try to communicate with your wife about these issues.
ElishaCo~Mod: DepressionModerator: Heart & Cardiovascular Diseasehttp://www.healingwell.com/donate
Hey chico, Your most welcome for the responses. It does sound like your wife is having a difficult time with menopause, thyroid problems which can most certainly trigger depressive symptoms. I am glad to hear she is seeing a psychiatrist for treatment of depression.
It is very understandable how difficult it is to be in a relationship with someone who is depressed. I have had depression for a very long time, was in a long term relationship with a guy for 11 years, 5 of those we were married. We did have some intense arguments and said hurtful/harmful things to each other. Two years into our marriage I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis so that added to matters of course. I took more medication and was more moody I guess, things in our relationship had certainly changed and I wasnt able to be as active as I was before which upset him.
He was of the mind that he could fix me, my depression, my MS. He didnt think I needed to be taking all the medication I was because he didnt see it helping. Thing was that his constant what I felt was disapproval was what was bringing me down more. When I tried to tell him that what he was doing wasnt helping it was hurting he never heard it, never heard me. It really just got to the point where I couldnt and wouldnt talk to him about anything. I shut down and eventually moved out, filed for divorce.
I had to learn to heal myself and deal with my issues in a constructive manner. I dont know if I could of done that with him or not. It has been 3 years and I am in so much of a better place mentally and physically even though I have been diagnosed with another neurological disorder.
You may not be the best at communication but I give you props for admitting when your wrong and apologizing. There are so many men out there who dont. I dont know that you have to change so much as learn about the disease, be patient and try to keep in mind that you are indeed in this together so support each other. Maybe take her out to dinner one night and discuss how you both need to approach this and communicate with one another. Hang in there and know we are always here for you.
Els!!! As to my wife (Karen), she does not want to do a thing right now but sit in the chair hold her dog and watch nothing on tv. we just got back from a 2 day trip on the bikes to Sturgis. She was great, or should i say ok the first day, the second day i could see her getting in one of her moods. when she is in them moods she is so far down anything i say or do is WRONG. so i try to let her go threw it. I tell her i will be here for her, but not beside her. she is upstairs i am downstairs. i told her i am not gonna fight.
So as to us going out for supper or a movie or a ride is not even an option. I ask her and she says no. i say honey you have to get out. she hates it when i say that so. i just leave it alone. How else do handle this package? like i say i try to be positive but a guy can only handle so much. i used to run in relationships, for some reason (LOVE) i am still here. Don't want to see her running from us or should i say her problem.
Shen has been there for me when i went threw hip surgery, and a battle with CHrohns. Lovely lady with out the disease. Package deal.
Well I agree with all the kind advice others have shared with you but I do think you need to see a therapist to talk through your frustrations and become educated about Depression and Anxiety. Just my humble opinion.
OK bikers........Ride On! Teresa, I too love the sun on my face. My therapist always tells me to get out in the sun as people with depression need lots of sunshine.
Chico, can you just take her out on a beautiful day and just be together............nothing special, just soak up sunshine?