This is Kitt and I am so happy to meet you.
It sounds like you have a lot to feel anxious about and I think perhaps your biggest stressor right now is the selling of your house and moving. I am going to ask a couple of questions and feel free to answer or not.
Do you really want to move with your boyfriend out east? You do not sound like your happy with his being away so much which makes me wonder if your happy in the relationship?
Leaving your family is also a huge factor in your anxiety and I understand that. I am sorry that you have no therapist. I know that would be a comfort to you.
You sound like a wonderful person as much of your post is about your concerns related to others and the loss of a fellow co-worker. I am proud of you for holding down that part time job, any chance it would develop into more than part time?
I see a few issues I think you are feeling guilty about re failing and feeling embarrassed about not finishing your schooling. I believe that your family loves you and they are not judging you by whether or not you have your college degree. I also sense they are proud of you just the way you are.
You never have to apologize re who you are or what you do. You are an individual and there is no one else like you. You have no reason to explain what kind of work you do or anything else to people who ask questions.
The best part of your post was hearing your Father is a survivor, 13 years, that is awesome. Try not to dwell on the what ifs. Living in the moment and just live today. Try not to worry about what you have done in the past and try not to anticipate problems in the future.
Love your self as you are a worthy person with a Mental Health Disorder. Hey, your in good company here. :)
Many gentle Hugs. Stay with us and keep posting.
You seem to have so much going on at the moment that no-one could blame you for being anxious. Moving house is one of the hardest things that people do and it is a BIG stressor. In terms of how to tackle what is going on and needs sorting etc... I would make a list and then work your way through it. 1 by 1.
Hi Hazelbug, You have already received many great responses here so far. I just wanted to add some suggestions for you to consider to maybe help in the mean time.
One is that on the internet there are several places you can go to fill out a depression questionaire. I would suggest trying one of these, printing it out and taking it to your doctor or if you cant afford to go to your doc then perhaps you have a free health clinic in your area. Many drug companies are helping people with depression and anxiety get medications at low to no cost who fall within a low income guideline so if your only working part time I am sure you would have no problem getting help there. Or perhaps your parents would help pay for the doctors visit but it sounds to me as if you do need to seek some sort of medical intervention.
Second, I can so relate to so much of what you wrote in your first post about feeling out of place most of your life. I have lived with depression, ptsd and anxiety/panic for most of mine. It took a long time for me to finally decide to get on antidepressants and an antianxiety med and now I have very little problems with either. (knocking on wood) lol! I also get the whole thing about school. I am almost 34...(few weeks, not pushing it here) and still trying to finish up on my masters. It is fustrating when most people already have their degrees and are doing what they have gone to school to do. BUT, in reality school is extremely expensive so if you are having any sort of doubts right now about going back then dont. It will always be there and always be an option and you can wait until you are more sure of yourself and your situation to go back. Dont push yourself. Trust me, it sucks when you start a class then realize you cant handle it and have to drop, and still have to pay for the class.
I like Darren's ideas of making a list. I do this all the time...now, only if I could find them....
ElishaCo~Mod: DepressionModerator: Heart & Cardiovascular Diseasehttp://www.healingwell.com/donate
Its nice to see you back on the forum HazelBug! Im sorry to hear about your car accident but in the same breath I am glad it was not serious enough to kill you. As for the insurance part... I wouldnt dream of trying to advise you on that front as I know that your insurance system is MILES different to ours in the UK.
Nice to see you again