how too cope with friend dying??

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Gemsi
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Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 1050
   Posted 8/14/2007 10:23 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm lost
I'm at a loss for words.
I received a call this morning, from my friends Hubby. Saying my friend Sami has got really really really ill. And she's been given days left to live.
 
I spent all of the 2 hour bus journey up to the hospital, sobbing gently and trying so hard not too think.
I stopped by the Cystic Fibrosis unit, to find out what to expect.
They were really gentle and took me down too the ward too see Sami.
I stayed a few hours, but she was so drugged up, she didn't even know I was there.
 
Last year 6 of my online friends died because of CF. All of them young. But,I didn't really know them that well. None of this prepared me though for the grief I feel right now.
 
I've known Sami since we were kids. We used to get upto so much mischief when me Sami and our mate Tony used to be in at the same time.
 
I've known Sami has been iller than both me and Tony, for a while now. But, she was carrying on normally. She has slipped down hill so rapidly, noone was expecting the end to be so near.
 
She's trying to fight back, I could tell that.
 
I feel like part of me is dying with Sami, and I feel like I am truely shattering inside. IT hurts so very bad.
 
I can do nothing but sit here and cry. She's only 21, only 3 months older than me. She's only been married for 2 years. God noes how Pete must be feeling, hejust looked so helpless. None of this is fair at all.
Co-moderator in the: Cystic Fibrosis Forums
 Woe to the child which when kissed on the forehead tastes salty. She is bewitched and soon must die.
 Diagnosed with: Cystic Fibrosis, Asthma, ABPA, Clinical Depression, Mild liver cirrohsis, mild osteopenia. Waiting for final diagnosis on Muscular Dystrophy type symptoms.
 Medication: Creon 10,000, Flucloxacillin, Vitamins A,D+E, Tobi nebuliser, Serevent, Salbutamol, Sertraline, Odansetron, Nefopam, Ciprofloxacin, Ursodeoxycholic Acid, Omeprazole.
Had a Port-a-cath fitted on chest wall since 11th Nov 05


ShynSassy
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Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 8/14/2007 10:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh Darkies
I am so sorry. I too have lost a very close friend and it hurts so much.
I don't need to tell you to cherish the moments you have with her,and try to keep the memories alive.
You are very strong and I know you can get through this.

Please keep us posted and know we are all here for you.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!
www.healingwell.com/donate



"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/14/2007 6:41 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear Gems,

I am so very sorry about your friend, Sami. I know that you are in great emotional pain at the eminent loss of your friend. The loss of a human being is the ultimate tragedy in life.  I am here for you and please know that I care.

My prayers are for you Gem and for your friend and her family. Gentle Hugs to my friend accross the water.


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
******www.healingwell.com/donate******
_____________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

 


Another Day
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 8/14/2007 9:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Gems,
 
I am so sorry about your friend.  I am glad you got to go to see her.  Losing someone you love, especially a lifetime friend is so very hard.  I hope you all were able to talk when you were there.
 
Would it help you any to do some journaling about some of the good times you had, some of the trouble you probably got into?  Those friends that we get into mischief with are the very best.  I'm 56, and I still have friends like that.  I can't imagine what her husband must be going through.  She is so young.
 
Please know you are all in my prayers,
 
Carla

Epilepsy, severe adult onset asthma, allergies, GERD, depression, hypothyroidism


Gemsi
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 1050
   Posted 8/15/2007 3:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Thankyou for your kind words.

I feel so emotional, and like I could snap at the slightest breeze.

I wasn't able to say much too Sami, I couldn't even begin too find the right words. I'm still in such shock, and this just hurts so very much.

I'm going to try to get up there again. It's such a tiring trip though. People keep telling me I need to look after my health first. But for my health, I also need to be there for my friend, or I wil spend I lifetime in regret, that I wasn't there when she needed me most.

I've just rang Pete, and he says she's still really restless, and trying so hard too communicate,and getting so frustrated that she can't. Knowng what Sam's like, she'll be being really stubborn and trying her very hardest not to let the CF win. This has always been her biggest fear. And now it's here, she will be fighting it just as strongly as ever before.

Talking to pete even, I just can't find the words too weigh up, just how strong I think he is, and how lucky Sami was too find him.
If my heart is breaking, his much be falling apart, I could see the hurt in his eyes. It's just so unfair that there is no way too change this. There is no way too make any of this better.

Sami's family were all there at some point yesterday. Some of them I've met before at both her 18th birthday party, and at her wedding. We sat there reminising at how beautiful and happy and healthy Sami was at those times. How we joked she was boucing around like Tigger her most favourite thing ever. She used to have bedclothes, giant teddies, smal teddies, pyjamas, socks. Everything HAD to be tigger. Whenever in hospital, her room used to definately be her own.

On her wedding night, none of us were feelng all that great, but both me Sam and Tony let that pass over us, and we were dancing the whole night through. Boucing up and down too our favourite songs, and at one point, holding hands and just spnning around, until we all collapsed in a big giggly heap, and got drowned by Sami's dress.

It was funny, but our CF nurses had no clue just what we actually used to get upto. Or how many times we had been in trouble with a certain hospital sister called Mrs Hughes. Wheelchair races up the corridoors, grabbing what we could from the canteen and bunging it all into the juicer back on the ward. Leaving the kitchen a right state, for one or 2 of us to quickly clean round before the CF team came on the ward and saw it.

A couple of nights we spent making cocktails. We went to the shop, and bought loads of different alcohol. Then went to the canteen and got loads of orange juice and different fruits. We went back to the ward and sat in Sami's room. Al cuddled up on the bed. I remember Sam mixed together Carribean twist (tropical fruit flavour i think), lambrini and lager. It was actualy quite nice. We sat watching a DVD laughing our socks off. The nurses coming i to check on us every half hour, to make sure we weren't getting TOO drunk.

When out of the hospital, we went shoppng mainly, or just had a rest at each others houses. It was fun, and cross-infection policies were pretty much ignored, as we were all colonized with the same strain of bugs.
Sami made the hospital seem like a much less scary place.

We had our serious dicussions too. But when it got to much to talk about what the future holds, we would run off and do something fun.

I'll remember the good times with Sami, I'll remember our silly fallings out, and how much fun it was when we made back up. I'll remember how much fun we've had over the last few years.

I'll never forget Sami, she will be there forever.

I just wish I'd been there for her more over the last year, where we drifted apart a bit, and only caught up once every couple of months.

I don't want Sami too leave, as I have so much I need too tell her:(
Co-moderator in the: Cystic Fibrosis Forums
 Woe to the child which when kissed on the forehead tastes salty. She is bewitched and soon must die.
 Diagnosed with: Cystic Fibrosis, Asthma, ABPA, Clinical Depression, Mild liver cirrohsis, mild osteopenia. Waiting for final diagnosis on Muscular Dystrophy type symptoms.
 Medication: Creon 10,000, Flucloxacillin, Vitamins A,D+E, Tobi nebuliser, Serevent, Salbutamol, Sertraline, Odansetron, Nefopam, Ciprofloxacin, Ursodeoxycholic Acid, Omeprazole.
Had a Port-a-cath fitted on chest wall since 11th Nov 05


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 8/15/2007 4:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Darkies

She will always be there with you,in your heart,your memories and you will always think of her.
I write poems to my best friend that I lost 4 years ago to this day. I hear songs that remind me of her,and I know that she knew how much I loved her.

I have no other words for you,just that I know that your heart is breaking and you feel lost.
I am so so sorry that you are going through this. Life really sucks at times,and I am amazed that we can get through it.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!
www.healingwell.com/donate



"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/15/2007 10:38 AM (GMT -7)   

Dear Gems,

Sam will dance forever in your heart. Bless you sweetie and you do what you must to be with her. I know I would to and when you can't be there you will know you did your very best.

My love to you

Kitt


Gemsi
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 1050
   Posted 8/15/2007 12:57 PM (GMT -7)   
I've just received the call, to tell meSami passed on half an hour ago.

None of this is fair or right :'(
Co-moderator in the: Cystic Fibrosis Forums
 Woe to the child which when kissed on the forehead tastes salty. She is bewitched and soon must die.
 Diagnosed with: Cystic Fibrosis, Asthma, ABPA, Clinical Depression, Mild liver cirrohsis, mild osteopenia. Waiting for final diagnosis on Muscular Dystrophy type symptoms.
 Medication: Creon 10,000, Flucloxacillin, Vitamins A,D+E, Tobi nebuliser, Serevent, Salbutamol, Sertraline, Odansetron, Nefopam, Ciprofloxacin, Ursodeoxycholic Acid, Omeprazole.
Had a Port-a-cath fitted on chest wall since 11th Nov 05


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 8/15/2007 4:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Darkies, I am so, so sorry for your loss.  I am sure you will miss her greatly.  Just know we are always here for you...

Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


Another Day
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 8/15/2007 10:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Gems,
 
I am so sorry to hear about Sami.  I don't think there are any words that I can say that will make you feel better right now.
 
I enjoyed your earlier post about some of the mischief you all used to get into.  It reminds me of my two best friends from high school, Donna and Beverly.
 
You will always have your memories of Sami.  Later, why don't you try journaling about those memories.  You will probably laugh and you will probably shed a lot of tears at the same time, but I think when you're much older you will be so glad that you have it all written down.
 
My prayers are with you and Sami's family,
 
Carla

Epilepsy, severe adult onset asthma, allergies, GERD, depression, hypothyroidism


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 8/16/2007 4:42 AM (GMT -7)   
I too am so sorry. Stay strong Gems, I know you can get through this


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!
www.healingwell.com/donate



"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/16/2007 8:47 AM (GMT -7)   

Gems,

Oh sweetheart, I am so, so sorry.  I wish I could be there to give you a hug and hold your hand.

You didn't give up on Sami in the end, even through the frustration and the agony. You were still able to treat her with the respect that she deserved...that she had earned.

I hurt for you today, Gem.  I have seen you go through  much emotional pain as she wrestled with death. I have seen you cope with it all gracefully and with incredible strength of spirit. I admire you so much. You never gave in to self-pity.

God bless you, my friend. Gentle hugs and prayers coming your way.



Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
******www.healingwell.com/donate******
_____________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

 

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