Now on diazapam

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

Gemsi
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 1050
   Posted 8/17/2007 1:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Only 2.5mg until I know for sure what effect it's going to have on my lungs, upped too 5mg when we know how I'm reacting.
 
The 2.5mg I had earlier, has already taken a lot of weight from me. I still feel incredibly low, but not as if I have the weight of the world on my shoulder's.
 
My psychiatrist asked me straight out on whether I would try and OD on the diazapam. It's a stupid question though really. I'm on over 100 tablets a day. There's no way I'm taking any extra unless I actually need them. I suppose they do have to ask though, and it's better that they do I think.
 
I'm complately falling apart at the moment, and am relying very heavily on my CF team to get me through this next week. I've been up there today, and sat on the unit for about 5 hours. I saw my psychiatrist in this time, and nurses came to check on me and chat to me anytime they could. Along with making me 2 coffee's, I then got a third coffee from my consultant. He never makes coffee for anyone ever, so I feel very privilaged.
 
They want to admit me again, for more IV antibiotics, but I'm holding out for now. I can't deal with the stress they bring along with everything else. I think the good things they would do, would be to bring my lung function back up, and make it so I'm extremely close to someone all of the time, especially my CF team and psychiatrist, who would be able to see me every day. I think the down sides too them, definately outweigh the good sides though.
 
My friend Sami was featured in the paper today, my CF nurse went and bought the paper for me. I havn't read the article yet, as I don't feel I am ready. But it is now here for when I just need a reminder of the strength Sam had even at the end.
 
I'm still going through with wedding next week. As much as I don't feel happy. I think planning towards Saturday will give me a bit of an extra push when the going gets really tough. I just hope I can enjoy the day, and do it justice. It's really hard, as I have a really beautiful image of Sami in her wedding dress, the happiest I've ever seen her. She even walked through the hospital on that day, in  her wedding dress, to show the CF team, and the ward staff. I want to keep that memory very alive. Butat the same time, it's a reminder how my own weddings coming up, and how difficult it will be for Paul, when I hit seriously ill.
 
Everything just hurts so much right now. I'm going between crying and sleeping, I am absolutely exhausted.
 
I just hope now, that the diazapam can keep me on a bit of a straighter road, than the one I'm currently on.
 
Hope everyone is well
Gem
 
 
Co-moderator in the: Cystic Fibrosis Forums
 Woe to the child which when kissed on the forehead tastes salty. She is bewitched and soon must die.
 Diagnosed with: Cystic Fibrosis, Asthma, ABPA, Clinical Depression, Mild liver cirrohsis, mild osteopenia. Waiting for final diagnosis on Muscular Dystrophy type symptoms.
 Medication: Creon 10,000, Flucloxacillin, Vitamins A,D+E, Tobi nebuliser, Serevent, Salbutamol, Sertraline, Odansetron, Nefopam, Ciprofloxacin, Ursodeoxycholic Acid, Omeprazole.
Had a Port-a-cath fitted on chest wall since 11th Nov 05


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/17/2007 5:59 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey Gem,

Hello there my friend and I hope the Valium is tolerated well as it is longer acting and should stay with you better.

AS for your wedding, you know that Sami would want you to be happy on your  day and if she thought that her death was going to spoil your day she would have hung on but alas she ran out of time.  I am sure she is going to be there in spirit with you and she would kick  your backside if you had anything but a special day.

You will experience some bitter sweet memories on your wedding day but remember Sami had her happiness as a new bride and now you will have yours. You are so deserving of this wonderful day and the happiness you will feel you will carry with you forever.

So my special friend, I will be expecting picture of a beautiful bride to be in my email one day soon.

Gentle Hugs to you always.

 


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
******www.healingwell.com/donate******
_____________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

 


Gemsi
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 1050
   Posted 8/18/2007 3:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Drink is defo not the answer. I feel so much worse,
 
Hen night tonight.

I have my mate bec with me, and my mate lisa keeps texting me. It was supposed too be there all night at Paul's mum's, enjoying myself. It was so so hard, I only lasted hours before Becca and Lisa dragged me home.

I dunno. Right now, and for last few days. Feel like I'm dying inside. Idunno, people say it's alcohol, but it's not:(


Co-moderator in the: Cystic Fibrosis Forums
 Woe to the child which when kissed on the forehead tastes salty. She is bewitched and soon must die.
 Diagnosed with: Cystic Fibrosis, Asthma, ABPA, Clinical Depression, Mild liver cirrohsis, mild osteopenia. Waiting for final diagnosis on Muscular Dystrophy type symptoms.
 Medication: Creon 10,000, Flucloxacillin, Vitamins A,D+E, Tobi nebuliser, Serevent, Salbutamol, Sertraline, Odansetron, Nefopam, Ciprofloxacin, Ursodeoxycholic Acid, Omeprazole.
Had a Port-a-cath fitted on chest wall since 11th Nov 05

Post Edited (Darkies Gem) : 8/18/2007 6:15:57 PM (GMT-6)


Another Day
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 8/18/2007 9:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Gem,
 
This seems to be such a bitter sweet time for you.  I also think that Sami would want you to have your beautiful, happy wedding day and she would be upset with you if you did anything else.  She will be there with you, watching over you.  I think in some way she will bring you peace that day.
 
If you feel up to it, send us the link to the article in the newspaper about Sami.  I would love to read about her and I'm sure everyone else would also. 
 
With love and prayers,
 
Carla

Epilepsy, severe adult onset asthma, allergies, GERD, depression, hypothyroidism


Gemsi
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 1050
   Posted 8/19/2007 4:31 AM (GMT -7)   
http://www.thestar.co.uk/template/ViewArticle.aspx?Sectionid=5730&articleid=3119716

That was harder to read than I thought. :(
Co-moderator in the: Cystic Fibrosis Forums
 Woe to the child which when kissed on the forehead tastes salty. She is bewitched and soon must die.
 Diagnosed with: Cystic Fibrosis, Asthma, ABPA, Clinical Depression, Mild liver cirrohsis, mild osteopenia. Waiting for final diagnosis on Muscular Dystrophy type symptoms.
 Medication: Creon 10,000, Flucloxacillin, Vitamins A,D+E, Tobi nebuliser, Serevent, Salbutamol, Sertraline, Odansetron, Nefopam, Ciprofloxacin, Ursodeoxycholic Acid, Omeprazole.
Had a Port-a-cath fitted on chest wall since 11th Nov 05


Another Day
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 8/19/2007 8:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Gem,
 
Thank you for sharing that with us.  She was beautiful.  You can see the love and the pain in Peter's eyes, such a loss for him.
 
My love and prayers are still with you,
 
Carla

Epilepsy, severe adult onset asthma, allergies, GERD, depression, hypothyroidism


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 8/23/2007 7:49 AM (GMT -7)   
I am not from this forum but I know that she would want you to have your Special Day .........

Yes..........Sami Will be watching you from above .........

God Bless you and your Day

LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Moderator for Anxiety /Panic
Moderator for Alzheimer's
Co Moderator for Crohns Disease 
 
 DX with Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety /Panic
 
  
          Be Thankful for the Difficult times..During those times we GROW
 
                 EMPATHY is Always Better than APATHY
 
                 " Friends Are Cheaper Than Therapists "
 
  
                                  


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/23/2007 8:04 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey Gem,

I read the article and Sami was beautiful, she now watches over you from above. Celebrate her life and remember how brave she was.

Let her be your inspiration and guide you as she would want you to be happy.

The CF forum is good. No spammers yet. So take your time and take care of you.

Special Hugs ((((((((((((((Gem)))))))))))))))

 


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
******www.healingwell.com/donate******
_____________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

 


Another Day
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 8/23/2007 10:32 PM (GMT -7)   

Gem,

We are going to be waiting to see some wedding pictures.  I am so excited for you.  Remember, Sami is going to be there in spirit for you.  I'm sure she will let you know if you are about to mess up on anything.  She'll probably make you laugh.

Please know we are all here for you and we love you.

Big Hugs!

Carla


Epilepsy, severe adult onset asthma, allergies, GERD, depression, hypothyroidism

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Sunday, December 11, 2016 5:09 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,736,273 posts in 301,365 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151457 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, jim1909.
131 Guest(s), 2 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
ceecee600, Jozuck12


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer