I could really use some help

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lisfisher
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Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 8/24/2007 5:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello , I have a situation with my girlfriend in which I no longer know what to do. She has suffered mild deppression in the past , after her divorce about 4 yrs ago. She has been on celexa since then and when her and I met 5 months ago we totally fell in love , she was the most calm , laid back , happiest person I've ever met and also an excellent mother of two. Very educated , has her master's in education and bachelors in counseling. Anyway , we were so happy together she took it upon herself to stop the celexa, thinking she's happy now and nothing could get her down. She had been off it for about a month and the low moods were creeping up on her from time to time. She then took a trip to colorado with her aunt. When she returned she was really happy to see me but two days later she did a 360 and crashed. Since then { about 4 weeks ago} , some days for her have been horrible. She went back on the celexa but it wasn't working. Doctor put her on lexapro and some concerta. Not much change,she still has depperssion. Now I do know that she has her hands full with the kids, school ,{ she is a teacher} and has now been experiencing anxiety about going back to work as well as socializing with people. Strange because she was the most social person I ever met,she has more friends than anyone I know.Anyway , doc put her on lorazan or something like that,similiar to xanax but does not sedate you. Last night she said she felt good , like herself and loves me very much and still wants to get married. I asked her how she felt about these things when her moods are low , she was honest and said " when i feel deppressed i don't feel much for anyone or anything". So that really hurt but at the same time i understand. Her moods have been all over the place and just because she felt good last night doesn't mean she's coming out of the woods{we've been through this before}. Now I am confused , and don't know what to expect as far as what the future will bring our relationship. I have stood by her through this and will continue to do so , as I love her more than i've ever loved anyone { and she feels the same....sometimes , or used to all the time} but it's getting to the point where I keep thinking that down the road she will just totally withdraw from me/us and if that is the case then do i keep standing beside her and wait untill that point or do i leave now and give her space { not that she asked for it}. Bottom line is I love her very much and do not want to lose what we have. At the same time it is bothering me that the person I am with needs to be heavilly medicated to want a relationship with me. At first nothing mattered , I just wanted to help her and still do but now it is begginning to affect everything. I really miss the person I had met 5 months ago. I am actually having thoughts of ending this relationship and I can't even believe I just said that because we had fallen so much in love,had so many plans and dreams and promised each other we would always be together. Now everything is falling apart.I don't know if I should stay in this and stick beside her or consider ending it in hopes she will not have me to worry about on top of all her other stresses.Please help!

Post Edited (lisfisher) : 8/24/2007 8:20:00 AM (GMT-6)


ShynSassy
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Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 8/24/2007 11:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Lisfisher

First of all I want to welcome you to the forum,I am very glad that you found us and I am sure you will find the support that you are looking for.


Ok, when our depression hits,we seem to take it out on the ones that we love. I think it is because those are the people that we feel more comfortable with and we know that no matter what (or we think) they will keep on loving us.
You g/f has taken a huge step by going to the doctor and asking for help. It sometimes takes a long time before a person with depression can even admit that they need help.

Most of the meds that are prescribed take 4-6 weeks to take full effect. That is common,and since she has been changing meds you have to give her a chance to adjust.

Is she going to counseling to help with what started the depression in the first place? Meds can just help with the symptoms of depression they can not do anything for the mental part.

If she is or does consider counseling maybe you could join her with a few sessions just to hear her side.

Please keep us posted.

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!
www.healingwell.com/donate



"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


lisfisher
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 8/24/2007 11:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Actually she does have a counselor she did see once over the last week. She also works with a counselor who is one of her best friends and they have talked as well. Her deppression started after her divorce over 4 yrs ago. Her husband had cheated on her. She had also previously "withdrew" from him before that happened for reasons unknown to me. She now dislikes him very much and is shocked she ever married him. I think stopping the celexa after taking it for 4 yrs really affected her. I feel very confused. I love her more than enough to stick with her and help her , as I've been doing , but will it come to a point where she will completely distance herself from me alltogether? Then what? Do I wait for that day? It hurts me deeply to see her like this and it frustrates me that I cannot take this away from her , yet I am  losing hope as to what the future will bring us. Will she feel better with me not in the picture? I have so many questions with impossible answers. I'm lost at this point. Thank you for responding and I will keep you posted.

Another Day
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 8/24/2007 8:54 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't think I would leave her right now, that could be one of the worst things for her.  Why don't you ask her if she would mind if the two of you went for a counseling session together and see how that goes.
 
I think the fact that she took herself off the Celexa was not a good idea without getting permission from her doctor and it does take time for a new medication to start working.  It sounds like the Celexa was working before, right?
 
Please know we are here for you.
 
Carla

 Epilepsy, asthma, GERD, depression, hypothyroidism


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 8/25/2007 5:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Fisher

All you can do is take it one day at a time. She will have good days,she will have bad days. We have to learn to cherish the good days that is for sure.

She has alot going on in her mind that she can't get away from by herself. You are her rock.
She is very lucky to have someone that is concerned and willing to help. Too many times we hear and read on this forum and the outside world,how the loved ones just walk away because they do not understand depression.

There is alot of information on the web,if you could find some that pertains to your situation and educate yourself. Being there and knowing what is going on with her is one of the major ways that you can help her heal.

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!
www.healingwell.com/donate



"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


lisfisher
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 8/27/2007 7:09 AM (GMT -7)   
well so far so good, maybe the meds are finally starting to work. She has had a good last three days so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. It is so nice to have the woman back that I once knew. I will have to say that the most frustrating part of this whole thing is watching someone you love so much suffer , and not be able to take it away from them. The second worse thing is not knowing exactly what they need - like do they want some space and are not telling you? Or do they really need you to be close but are too deppressed to let you know that?

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 8/28/2007 4:53 AM (GMT -7)   
That is great news. Remember healing does not happen overnight,and it is going to be a hard road for her.
I am very glad that you are sticking by her!



Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!
www.healingwell.com/donate



"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


djdaz_1985
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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 8/28/2007 5:21 AM (GMT -7)   
This is good news. But as Shy has said, this si not an instant fix. Take one day at a time and dont try to be too advernturous too quickly.
Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
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manyembers
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 424
   Posted 8/28/2007 10:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Fisher,

You're not alone. I relate to a lot of things you write both concerning how you feel re. your struggles and what your girlfriend shared. I have had mild depression for years too, and recently became seriously depressed. Much of it was burnt out and life circumstances I believe. Anyway, I started taking rhodiola rosea based on a recommendation by sunnivara in this forum and it gave me back my energy ... myself! I'm sharing this to say that I can personally say I have always loved my husband but when I was depressed I felt no pleasure - I was numb, exhausted and shut down. I was amazed how just taking this herb and getting energy back, and some self esteem (now that I coudl function again) - how the fact that I now felt happy caused me to naturally "feel the love" again toward my hubby. Like I said, I loved him all along, I just couldn't connect with it - and it wasn't about my heart, but about my physiological condition I guess you'd call it. When I felt good, I naturally had good feelings for others too again.

I would definitely hang in there - five months is not that long to really know in my opinion. But I wouldn't rush into marriage, that's for certain. I can say that a lot of the dreams I had at the beginning of my relationship wtih hubby just didn't happen. Maybe they still will, but it's true - things like depression, illness, the hardships of life etc. they can seriously alter a relationship, and that's where we need to realize that 'for better or for worse' may be 'for worse' at times. BUt that doesn't have to be a bad thing - it's when things aren't all peaches and cream that we learn to love beyond ourselves, and to develop faith and perseverance...if we choose to and the support we need is there. My husband has also suffered with depression, and it was no fun for either of us. But really, having been through all that, it can also create a really strong bond between the two of you.

Give it time. Don't feel guilty about your worries and concerns if you can help it. They are valid. It is hard to not always have the person there you fell so in love with. She's still there, but she's just in a different season. But it's an ebb and flow in life. So you'll need to see if you can accept the full package. In my case, after I started taking the rhodiola, my hubby said "It's good to have you back!" and I knew what he meant. So I also think I know what you mean when you describe missing the person you fell in love with when she's not feeling or able to exude her happy self.

Hubby is playing music in the background and my concentration is going all about, so if this is a bit disjointed, can I blame him? haha.

It's not cut and dry, but here's a tip: If you reach the point where you feel like you've had it, or it's hopeless...hang in just a little while longer, and see what happens, because often that's just when things will suddenly turn around - i.e. not when you've had enough, but after you've had enough. Sometimes life is all about endurance and then suddenly the sunshine comes out again yeah


I hope it works out for you. Love is precious. - mb

Post Edited (manyembers) : 8/28/2007 11:23:07 PM (GMT-6)


lisfisher
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 8/29/2007 5:32 AM (GMT -7)   
I came home last night to find her in tears on the couch. Her sister had to take the kids for a few hours because she does not want her kids to see her like this. She was completely broken down again. Now , today was the day she was supposed to go back to work { she is a teacher and has the summers off}. She could not go back to work today , now the anxiety of losing her job house and children is creeping up on her. I told her there is no reason to start worrying about that stuff. She has all kinds of sick days banked up over the years { 160 to be exact}. Yesterday The principal was informed about her situation through her close friend who is a counselor and also works at the school. She says she is afraid to go back,because the kids she works with are special ed and some are very tough. These kids are from displaced families and are a tough bunch. I told her "you've been doing this for 20 years now , you can handle it". She said she feels so mentally weak that she cannot. Her counselor friend learned that the doctor that put her on all these meds is her general doctor and not a psychiatrist. So now she has made an appt with a psychiatrist. Once again she seems to be withdrawing from me but this time , as I learn about deppression , I will not let it bother me. I will stick by her and do whatever needs to be done to get her through this. We love each other enough to last a lifetime { or at least this is what I believe} , so I will not be giving up this battle. I am starting to show a little "tough love" although being gentle at the same time. When I found her crying on the couch at 5 last night we had a short chat then I told her we are leaving the house and going for a drive. I took her to the top of a high cliff where I go rock climbing , and am familiar with the spectacular sunsets. So I brought her there and her mood turned around quickly for the better , or at least for a good part of last night. It was a beautiful sunset to say the least. Today I am worried about her , she will be alone and have nobody to keep her from crawling onto the couch and drowning in self absortion and deppression. Anyway , that is the latest news. I want to thank everyone involved in this thread for all the words of encouragement. Nice to have people to talk to about this!

manyembers
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 424
   Posted 8/29/2007 10:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Fisher,

So sorry to hear how she's suffering like that. You sound like a good support to her. Some of what you describe is anxiety- related. I have noted some things have really helped decrease anxiety/depression for me: rhodiola rosea, cutting out sugar and caffeine and eating lots of green veggies. Green barley or other green juice products really really helped me also - particularly as I realized part of my anxiety seemed to be toxicity (physical) related. Maybe some natural products would at least help to give her a boost at this time.

take care, mb

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 8/30/2007 4:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Fisher

Just remember you are her rock right now,and she is VERY lucky to have you.
Getting her away from the environment is a great start.
And listening,even if you have heard it a million times before if she is willing to talk then that is a great start for her.

Please keep us posted and I wish you the best of luck.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!
www.healingwell.com/donate



"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


lisfisher
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 8/30/2007 5:05 AM (GMT -7)   
well last night she was happy again.We had a good night together but for some reason she did not sleep at all, she was up untill 5 am. We think it is due to the double dose of concerta she took too late in the day. Anyway she went to the physciatrist yesterday and he feels confident that she will " have a smile on her face" by next tuesday , meaning he thinks the double doses of lexapro she's been taking for the last 5 days will kick in by then. Last night she explained to me that she knows she's putting me through hell and that she was sorry. I told her I was commited to her and not to worry about me , and that I may be in her shoes and need her some day. It's been a real rollercoaster ride the past 6 weeks , no wonder why I have these urges to climb rock walls !!!

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 8/30/2007 5:13 AM (GMT -7)   
It is a big step for her to know what she is doing to you. At least she is not in denial.

Keep climbing the rock walls, hopefully you won't have to climb so much soon!



Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!
www.healingwell.com/donate



"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"

Post Edited (ShynSassy) : 8/30/2007 10:34:51 AM (GMT-6)


lisfisher
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 8/30/2007 7:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Actually climbing is the only thing that DOES keep me sane!!!

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 8/30/2007 9:37 AM (GMT -7)   
I am glad you have a vice to keep your mind off of things..

I am keeping my fingers crossed for you!


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!
www.healingwell.com/donate



"I am woman,hear me roar one day and cry the next!!!"


manyembers
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 424
   Posted 8/30/2007 9:56 AM (GMT -7)   
I agree with what someone shared, about it being a huge thing that she's not in denial. That gives me lots of hope for your relationship.

all the best, mb

BronzeWatch
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 8/31/2007 12:17 PM (GMT -7)   
I suffer from Depression and am on Prozac, when i go off I get emotionally down. Maybe consult your GP and ask how to go off anti-depressants like bit by bit, I think they decrease miligrams, I'm only thirteen but maybe this advice will prove helpful.

Susan

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 9/1/2007 5:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Susan
I just wanted to let you know that fisher is talking about his girlfriend.

I also wanted to welcome you to the forum!


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!
www.healingwell.com/donate



How can you talk without a brain?

I dunno...but alot of people talk without a brain don't they?

Dorthy and the Scarecrow-Wizard of Oz


lisfisher
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 9/5/2007 10:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Well the last few days have been good for her. Thank God. I think the meds have finally kicked in. I'm relieved that she is feeling better but now I am left with someone other than the person I originally met. I suppose I have to give it time but I just don't have a warm and fuzzy feeling about this...

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 9/5/2007 2:59 PM (GMT -7)   
I am glad that she is feeling better. And as we have talked about before,Depression effects everyone around them,and it also seems to change the person.

I really hope that you two can work it out.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!
www.healingwell.com/donate



How can you talk without a brain?

I dunno...but alot of people talk without a brain don't they?

Dorthy and the Scarecrow-Wizard of Oz


lisfisher
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 9/6/2007 7:02 AM (GMT -7)   
I spoke too soon...last night wasn't very good. I think she may be better off without me around so she could focus on her kids and getting well.

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 9/6/2007 10:20 AM (GMT -7)   
So sorry to here that.
Keep us posted and you stay strong


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!
www.healingwell.com/donate



How can you talk without a brain?

I dunno...but alot of people talk without a brain don't they?

Dorthy and the Scarecrow-Wizard of Oz


lisfisher
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 10/1/2007 12:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Well here's the latest: She is doing much much better and basically is back to her normal self again. The meds had to be tweaked up and down to find the right combination , although she did stop the concerta alltogether. It's nice to have her back and I am glad I stuck it out with her.  Thanks everyone for your support.

djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 10/1/2007 2:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Congrats!!! Thats great news! Its nice to hear someone sharing their success stories as well as the problems. I think it gives people the hope that they sometimes lack.

Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 

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