I really do not know what to do

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snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 9/11/2007 3:56 AM (GMT -7)   
As i have said in previous posts i have had several operations to remove cancer . The last lot was so horrific that i still wake at night in pain and fear of what happened .
Well now the pathology results are back and it seems that after all this i still have cancer .I`m so dissappointed .In his letter the surgeon apologised for the pain i encountered during the last procedure and to let me know he wants to see me asap to arrange yet more surgery .I do not want to go through any more enough is enough .
This surgeon is suppose to be the top surgoen in his field in this country yet after four operations now he has failed to remove the cancer .I`m sorry but i have lost faith in him as with the local GP here .
I do not take any meds anymore as i will not go back to see him .
These past couple of days i am so down .I have no one here to even talk to .I just don`t know what to do anymore .
Restless sad
~~~~  If no one else cares i do  ~~~~~


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 9/11/2007 5:20 AM (GMT -7)   
I am so sorry Restless.
Can you get a second opinion?
Is your husband there for you yet? What about your kids?

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!
www.healingwell.com/donate



How can you talk without a brain?

I dunno...but alot of people talk without a brain don't they?

Dorthy and the Scarecrow-Wizard of Oz


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 9/11/2007 2:04 PM (GMT -7)   
No Shy hubby isn`t helping at all infact a couple of weeks ago i walked out i just couldn`t take it anymore ,i just felt that i was the only one who gave a darn in this marriage .We rearly talk anymore and when we do it`s about everything instead of us I`m just so not happy anymore ,i know my derpession and PTSD has played a big part in it all .
As for my kids even the ones i have been really close to don`t have time for me they have their own lives to tend to and i`m just glad they can have a good life .So much has happened in the past twelve months and not only the cancer has really got me down but now i`m being told my immune system is going through some sort of crisis ,it`s just never ending .
As for a second opinion i just don`t know how to even go about seeing anyone else .Going back to the gp here really isn`t an option for me anymore .
Restless
~~~~  If no one else cares i do  ~~~~~


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 9/11/2007 2:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Are you still living with him then? Or are you living somewhere else? Are you getting the medical help that you need? I hate to think of you being alone. I understand that you kids are busy,but cancer is serious and you need your family around.
Please stay strong and keep us posted.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!
www.healingwell.com/donate



How can you talk without a brain?

I dunno...but alot of people talk without a brain don't they?

Dorthy and the Scarecrow-Wizard of Oz


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 9/12/2007 4:59 AM (GMT -7)   
I am back with him he found where i went but i do not have anywhere else to go .I`m to frightened to be on my own i have been this way for quite a while now .As for the medical help the only dr i have been seeing is the surgeon and at the moment i really do not want to even see him .I have run out of all my meds now so will just have to wait and see what happens now .Some of my kids the older ones know the cancer is back but it really doesn`t make a difference to them think everything is going to be ok well maybe it will be i have no idea .I just feel so down and being around one of my daughters and my hubby are making me feel even lower .I haven`t slept well in a while now and feel so exhausted .I have even stopped looking after the little kiddies as it was getting a bit too much for me .
Restless
~~~~  If no one else cares i do  ~~~~~


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 9/12/2007 5:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh honey
I wish I could make it all go away.
With the kids I think that since you are mom,and seem to be the one that keeps the family together,they have it in their minds that nothing can go wrong with you. Kids are funny like that..adults or not.

I hope that you can find some relief soon,and always remember that we are here for you!



Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!
www.healingwell.com/donate



How can you talk without a brain?

I dunno...but alot of people talk without a brain don't they?

Dorthy and the Scarecrow-Wizard of Oz


pandabyr
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 9/12/2007 6:13 AM (GMT -7)   
smurf  I have never posted on here but I hope I can help Restless a little. Please call your local chapter of the American Cancer Society. They will hook you up locally with people who are going through what you are and also they will be there if you need anything. Please call ASAP. I have known people who were helped a bunch. I am completely different, I have 4 major illnesses and there's not a lot they can do but we can pray some new medicine might come along. I really hope you find help, we don't need to go through things alone. R.M.

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 9/12/2007 10:21 AM (GMT -7)   
That is great advice Panda. I hope Restless is able to get the help she needs.

Welcome to the board also.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam
Off of all meds at this time...woohoo!!
www.healingwell.com/donate



How can you talk without a brain?

I dunno...but alot of people talk without a brain don't they?

Dorthy and the Scarecrow-Wizard of Oz


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/12/2007 12:16 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Restless,

The American Cancer Society is a great idea.  How about your church if you belong to one.  I am so sorry your cancer is still with you.

Are you close to one of the big Cancer facilities?  If you are please consider a second opinion.  Children do not like to face reality and they don't understand the seriousness of illness.  That is not an excuse but it helps you realize that your children will not be your number one support person.

Please don't hide and just give up sweetie.  You are cared about here and keep talking to us.  Gentle Hugs

Kitt


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
******www.healingwell.com/donate******
_____________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

 


Another Day
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 9/12/2007 3:17 PM (GMT -7)   

Restless,

I hope you will consider taking Panda's advice and make those phone calls.  There could be some help right around the corner from you and you don't even know it.  I know you're too tired to even concentrate right now, but one of those phone calls could be your answer.

As for your children, who knows, maybe they are trying to appear strong when they are around you right now.  Maybe they are trying to pretend nothing is going on.  I don't really know much about your situation, so that only a guess.  I am glad you went back home because you can not be alone right now.  I wish you had a more loving and caring environment, but at least you are not alone.

Please know we love and care about you here.

Love and prayers,

Carla


 Epilepsy, asthma, GERD, depression, hypothyroidism


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 9/12/2007 4:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Morning and thank you all ,I`m just so tired atm not sleeping very much for a while . I do not live in America and not sure what is available here .Just to see this dr i have to drive 700km so it`s not like i can just go off and see someone else but will decide today if i`m going back to see what this one wants to discuss with me but i`m not wanting anymore surgery mainly because of what i went through last time and the fact that i feel so let down by this fellow .
As for my family they are never there when i need then not what i expected at all seeing that mum is and has always been there for everyone .The hardest part is not having anyone i can talk to here .Thank heavens my psychologist is due out here next week she is the only one i have to talk to .Not even hubby is interested it just makes it so hard
There last weekend i went with him to a pistol shooting competition away to be there with him and suppport him but he will not come to see the dr with me ,it just makes me feel so sad that all this has happened and the fact that i have let it get so bad .I just didn`t realise how bad the situation had become.
Restless
~~~~  If no one else cares i do  ~~~~~


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 9/12/2007 4:30 PM (GMT -7)   
I hate it when reality sets in. It sucks and is hard to deal with

Restless,you are a very special person and I know that you will get through this.
I am beginning to wonder if your husband just can't cope. Maybe he has no idea how to help you,he feels powerless,so therefore he withdrawals?


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

www.healingwell.com/donate



How can you talk without a brain?

I dunno...but alot of people talk without a brain don't they?

Dorthy and the Scarecrow-Wizard of Oz


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 9/12/2007 4:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Shy i have come to think that there isn`t anything between hubby and me anymore i just get the feeling that after all this time it`s all over .Being so depressed has clouded a lot of things but this is how i see it now .
I can`t even remember how many years ago he even gave me a cuddle or evn a kiss for that matter .I just feel that i don`t want to keep fighting anymore i ust have nothing else left to give anymore .
I think a great deal in me died the day my son died a few months back and i thought that i would feel a bit better in time but with everything that has happened it wasn`t to be .Now my oldest is leaving home and this part of being a mum really sucks as they all take a part of you with them when they go .So really there isn`t much left here .
As for hubby not coping he has been through a lot in the past few years i must admit and maybe you are right in what you are saying but when i look at the whole picture i really think it`s a bit more than that .
Restless
~~~~  If no one else cares i do  ~~~~~


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 9/13/2007 5:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Restless

It seems to happen in marriages. I don't know why and it is not right that is for sure. It seems that they forget the little things,and take things for granted.

Once things get settled down a little bit,what about taking a weekend just the two of you? Maybe going to a hotel for the weekend,going out to dinner ect. Both of you dressing up and trying to just enjoy each other?

You grief for your son is strong I am sure,and I imagine that is taking it's toll on both of you.

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

www.healingwell.com/donate



How can you talk without a brain?

I dunno...but alot of people talk without a brain don't they?

Dorthy and the Scarecrow-Wizard of Oz


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 9/19/2007 3:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Morning all my friends in here .
Well i did go back to see the surgeon yesterday but now i feel even worse .The cancer is still there he has failed to remove it and infact he told me the tumor is growing and that he was really concerned .So he rang the oncologist while i was there and then i had to go see him .
I`m so upset as a result the oncologist told me more surgery was not an option as it would now be too disfiguring at the amount that they would have to remove so the only option left is to try radiation.
That you wouldn`t think would be so bad .yeh rite this means i have to stay in Sydney which is over 900km away from my home for three weeks .Add that to my depression and everything i am going through makes it extreemily hard i`m already feeling so stressed especially with everything i have gone through in the past couple of days .So many people telling me this and that and what they are going to do and who why and when it`s all getting a bit much .
Today i have an appointment to have my heart checked it`s decided that it`s tired of beating regularly and now missed a beat every seven beats not a good feeling to experience at all .
Restless
~~~~  If no one else cares i do  ~~~~~


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 9/19/2007 5:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh Restless. I am so sorry, I was hoping that you were going to receive good news!

When do you have to go? Is your husband going with you?


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

www.healingwell.com/donate



How can you talk without a brain?

I dunno...but alot of people talk without a brain don't they?

Dorthy and the Scarecrow-Wizard of Oz


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 9/20/2007 12:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Shy all i wanted was good news but then knowing my luck it wasn`t going to be on .I`m not sure when i go but within a week or so .I have an appointment with a social worker tomorrow she will be arranging my accomodation while i`m down there .but i have to ring the oncologist next wednesday to tell him if i want t go ahead with treatement .
I will be going by myself as hubby has to work and can`t get time off .thats why i`m really frightened .
Restless
~~~~  If no one else cares i do  ~~~~~


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 9/20/2007 5:14 AM (GMT -7)   
I hate to think of you going there by yourself,what if you get sick from the treatments?
Is there anyway your daughter can go too? You really need someone with you.

You are a very strong woman,and I know you are able to get through this. I am angry with your family for letting you go by yourself though.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

www.healingwell.com/donate



How can you talk without a brain?

I dunno...but alot of people talk without a brain don't they?

Dorthy and the Scarecrow-Wizard of Oz


snowflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 595
   Posted 9/20/2007 5:58 AM (GMT -7)   
i asked my hubby when he rang tonight as i`m not home atm i`m with my in laws for a few days while i see the drs up here ,but he said he couldn`t even take me down there because he has to work .Mind you he is taking time off from work next weekend to go to a pistol shoot away but has no time for me i`m not that important ,just goes to show how much he bloody well cares
Restless
~~~~  If no one else cares i do  ~~~~~


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 9/20/2007 11:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Grrr at him!!! Could your in laws go with? I just don't understand what your husband is thinking!


whatever you do,stay strong and remember we will be here for you as much as you need us.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

www.healingwell.com/donate



How can you talk without a brain?

I dunno...but alot of people talk without a brain don't they?

Dorthy and the Scarecrow-Wizard of Oz

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