Thought I was reading my own thoughts for a second there. I too went through a long nasty spell and like you directed my anger at in-animate objects. (walls, doors, etc) These episodes would followed by feelings of utter despair as I would realise the chaos I had caused. A vicious circle creating a deeper depression.
Anyway, my wife too starting suffering with bouts of depression and we needed to take care of that as well. Like you, I feel I am responsible for this happening to her. It is good that you "poured your heart out" to her and yes, she will trust you with her deepest thoughts and feelings again. It just may take some time.
about marriage counseling. We did go to a marriage counselor and she wanted my wife to go to personal counseling first. It took a while but my wife did finaly get personal counseling for her depression. After that we had one appointment with the marriage counselor, who told us we didn't need her. Once my wife and I had dealt with our personal "demons" life was much better. We could talk again and we could love again. It has been a couple of years of a good marriage again.
Encourage your wife to see a doctor and maybe even a counselor. She will benefit greatly from doing so and so will your marriage.
I hope this is of some help to you.
Glad I was able to share something meaningful.
Hi there SirFunky and Welcome to HealingWell!
Firstly, I wanted to congratulate you on your success. Turning the corner is never easy, especially when the depression is severe. You should be proud of that. That said, it should also give you an insight into how hard it is for your wife, giving you an added advantage over some people. I completely agree with any form of talk therapy (including Marriage Councilling). Talking is a great way to truly heal the wounds. I notice you have not mentioned meds at all in your posts... Do you or your wife take anything in order to help? Sometimes it is better to take meds to start with because it gives you that little bosst you need to get the best out of talk therapy, where without them, it can be difficult to see the benifits and you are more likely to give up. I think this is something you should discuss with the family doctor.
I wish you all the best and feel free to vent whenever you wish... we are all here for you
If your wife can get through talk therapy without the aid of meds then that is great news. I would suggest though that when she talks to you though, that "shut up and listen" isnt a great tactic. There will be times when you have to be quiet and listen but communication is a 2 way thing and there has to be a point where you have your say as well. Otherwise, how will she know how you feel? You end up being an unknown quantity as far as she is concerned and that is not good for her or you.
All the best