Too much for husband?

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wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 9/21/2007 11:37 AM (GMT -7)   
This feels so insignificant compared to some of the problems others have to deal with.  But I just feel so depressed.  I can't get out of my own way to do anything.  I'm supposed to be doing some work and I can't even get into that.  I can't really even figure out what's wrong - I just feel depressed.  I feel like I'm losing my husband since my hospitalization in July and now all the diagnoses and meds to go with it.  I'm wondering if it's too much for him.  I don't know.  He's very supportive of me - makes sure I get to the doctor appointments, makes ssure I have the meds, etc.  I have given him information to help educate him on the various illnesses, but I don't think he's read them - I don't think he really wants to know.  I know he loves me more than anything, I just wonder if this is too much for him.  I've tried talking to him, but he just blows me off and I just don't know what to do.   sad
 
If anyone has any thoughts or suggestions I would welcome them.
 
Wen
I have Bipolar Disorder, Panic/Anxiety Disorders, Agoraphobia, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Severe Acid Reflux, Barrett's Esophagus, Sleep Apnea, and Narcolepsy
 

A slip of the foot you may soon recover, but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.

Benjamin Franklin

 


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 9/21/2007 2:46 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi wen, welcome to the depression forum.  You are very lucky to have a supportive husband.  I recall when I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 6 yrs ago mine wasnt at all.  I think it is important to remember that people process and deal with illness and bad news in different ways.  Most especially men.  Give him some time to adjust and see how things are going to be.

Yes, it would be nice if he had all the information up front like you...but it sounds like he needs the time to come to terms with these changes and of course you can be there to support him and then explain.

I dont know...Just my own opinion here


Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


lyndeesings
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 9/21/2007 3:28 PM (GMT -7)   
hi wen  i think men and women tend to deal differently.  men want to fix things in a concrete way -- women want to talk it out and deal w/ the issue more abstractly.  i think he probably cares more than you realize.  oftentimes, i can't even get my boyfriend to respond when i ask him his advice, let alone engage him in the healing process.  i think my illness scares him b/c he has never encountered it before.  when it comes down to it, it seems like he is showing you he cares in the best way he knows how to.  hopefully, through being involved (like it sounds like he is) he will learn more and more about you illness and realize that people like us live w/ a chronic condition -- much like diabetes, lupis, and other diseases that are able to be maintained.

wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 9/22/2007 8:09 AM (GMT -7)   
I am very lucky to have a supportive husband.  But what bothers me is that it seems he is pulling away from me.  He doesn't want to be around me unless it's to take me to an appointment or give me my meds.  Maybe this is his way of dealing with things but in the meantime, it sure hurts.
I have Bipolar Disorder, Panic/Anxiety Disorders, Agoraphobia, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Severe Acid Reflux, Barrett's Esophagus, Sleep Apnea, and Narcolepsy
 

A slip of the foot you may soon recover, but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.

Benjamin Franklin

 


joan anna
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 9/23/2007 4:10 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Wen,

I came here looking for help dealing with my husbands depression/anxiety and your post could have been written about me.  I'm reading up and stuff but he keeps worrying that I don't love him which I do.  I'll admit that I'm a bit overwhelmed and pull away abit just to deal, but i think he doesn't understand and feels hurt, which makes me feel bad.....vicous cycle, you get it.

I'll bet you husbandis just dealing in his own way, especially since he seems to be there for you for the important stuff.  Men like that...it's something they can DO. 

But don't expect him to read any literature.  Ask yourself, when was the last time you saw him read the instructions manual to anything?  Give him some time.


you can only suck at life if you let life suck at you


lyndeesings
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 9/23/2007 7:59 PM (GMT -7)   
this is all just way too ironic b/c just when i thought my guy and i were getting along great, he tells me my depression is pulling him down and he can't deal with it. it makes no sense to me -- i think he thinks i actually choose to live this way. here i am trying to give wen advice...i am having an especially bad weekend just when i thought it was all looking up....
generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, depression...cymbalta, lamictal


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 9/25/2007 5:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Lyndeesings,

I too have a b/f that has a very hard time dealing with my depression. They tend to blame themselves for not being able to pull us out of it. I have even heard " It seems that whatever I do it is not good enough".

They don't understand that it is not their fault,and that all they need to do is support us,listen to our raves,and deal with our tears. But,men have a very hard time with emotions anyway,throw our depression on top of that and they are lost.

Talk to him,tell him that it is not his fault,and that you are trying to deal with depression. Explain to him what he can do when you are at your worst.

I really wish my b/f would research depression and then he would understand. But again,that would mean dealing with an emotional issue and he has a very hard time with it.

But,I found that if I just bring up what is going on in my head,even if he does not know what to say he at least will listen,and he will become more understanding when I have a breakdown.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

www.healingwell.com/donate



How can you talk without a brain?

I dunno...but alot of people talk without a brain don't they?

Dorthy and the Scarecrow-Wizard of Oz

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