College...again.

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BlueMoon878
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 237
   Posted 9/26/2007 7:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello Everyone,
 
As some of you may know my posts can be lengthy and boring but bear with me I don't know where else I can vent this. I recently returned to school (a bigger one, with boys this time) and am still supremely unhappy. There are a few things that have really made me stand up and take notice though.
 
I) I am back in my hometown and my parents are right down the street. I only have a couple friends on campus so far, and have been tempted to just call my parents and stay weekends at my house. I hate drinking and drugs so the fact that other people indulge in them is sometimes more of an impetus to get off campus. I just feel like I've been a huge baby about this whole thing. I think about my parents and start crying - wishing I was home and not at school. This happened to me at school before, but I was in a different state (geographically) and couldn't do anything to act on those impulses. My parents are leaving this weekend to go on vacation for a week, but when they get back I'm going to Boston with my boyfriend. I actually got short of breath when thinking about how I now have to go two weeks without seeing them... that's not good. Should I just ignore them all together? When I left for school, I said that I wanted everyone to pretend I didn't exist anymore and to just let me do my thing at school. Now I'm the one being lame and coming home all the time. I hate my life.
 
Ia) Boyfriend. There's sort of this boy and I am echoing a lot of the feelings other people in relationships have had on here. Am I too needy? Am I too crazy to be with him? Do I just like the fact that he thinks I'm worth spending time with? He tells me I make him "so happy" and that he loves me. I don't even love myself, so the idea that someone else could love me is crazy to me.
 
II) Counseling. I went to UHS (health services) because I was getting tummy aches. They told me I was crazy (a diagnosis I was not willing to accept because I watch "House" and "Mystery Diagnosis" all the time) and that I should go see a counselor. So I did, and he's in the last year of his doctorate. I know he knows what he's doing, it's just strange that he still has textbooks with "USED" stickers on them from our bookstore. He's like 12. Anyway, not the point. I've been twice. I used to be on Effexor, but stopped because I was traveling and thought it best to quit cold turkey. I feel like I should be back on it or at least trying it again, but it's like I started from square one with this new guy. My old doctor is about five minutes away, but I don't have a car. My boyfriend offered to drive me, but I know that I can't ask him to do that. Plus, it's too much effort.
 
III) Work. I still don't have a major. Now it feels like I'm just *****ing so I'll stop, but... grrrr. Now I can't go abroad like I wanted, and I am having thoughts of going back to the all-girls school I was at freshman year because I know I can study what I want. Help...
 

faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 9/26/2007 9:10 AM (GMT -7)   
BlueMoon~
WOW!  You have alot going on.  As I read your post i could not help but think that they all seemed pretty positive.  This is just my opinion but the things that you are going through are "good" stress.  If you are having a hard time dealing with things such as this and you have professionals telling you that you are "crazy", maybe you need another professional that takes you serious and doesnt blow you off or call you and orthodox name.
 
When you are truly depressed even these positive things seem overwhelming, I know I have been there but the important thing is that you need to understand that these are good things happening in your life and if you are having negative thoughts about them, get to someone that can holistically look at why you feel like you do.
 
Hope this helps, good luck.
Teresa
 
 The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. Let us move forward with strong and active faith.


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 9/26/2007 9:27 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi there,

I know how you feel about being away from your family while you are at school. It is so tempting to go back to them because it is safe and secure and it is what we know. Humans are terible for hating the unknown and many shy away from it. You could look at it as a chance for a new exciting adventure. (Just a thought). There is nothing wrong in seeing your parents, but try to mix with the others as well. There will be many (mainly freshmans... I think thats what you guys call them over there) who feel the same as you. You are not on your own.

My other thought is that there is no point in going to a school where you cant study what you want to. If you want to be a psychologist and you want to study Psychology, then there is precious little point in going to University College London and studying economics. (Just as an example... You get what I mean though) Do you know what you want to major in? If not, then I would suggest looking at what you are good at and what you enjoy and trying to find something you can make a career out of.

Please dont feel like you are on your own. We will give you as much support as we can. Let us know how you are getting on and keep posting!

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
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BlueMoon878
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 237
   Posted 9/30/2007 8:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Could I be bipolar? I feel like I have moments of clarity, but then I have really scary "breakdowns" (as I like to call them). Usually with my boyfriend this consists of massive guilt that I am too crazy to be with him (i.e. he shouldn't have to deal with my problems, etc. etc.) or about how I feel like I can't grow up and be self-sufficient. I am still seeing a school counselor (i.e. a counselor at school) but don't know if I should just return to my old doctor who knows my issues better. Either way I am contemplating beginning drugs again. Is this bad?

djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 10/1/2007 2:58 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi there,

I would definately go back to seeing your old doctor if he/she knows you and the issues better. It sounds like you need some support from a medical professional. Also, school councillors are limited as to what they can do, where a doctor (pretty much has) free reign, if you know what I mean.

As for the possibility of Bipolar, im not 100% sure as I am not a doctor and I dont have a great understanding of Bipolar, but my gut reaction is that it is Depression rather than BP. BP is a rollercoaster of highs (Mania) and lows (Depression). During manic phases, people are often as high as a kite (emotionally) and behave as if there are no limits to what they can do. During depressive phases people are very low and can struggle with daily life. For more information on BP, you could try the BP Forum or lok at some of the BP rescources we have (http://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=13&m=350839).

I hope this helps

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


BlueMoon878
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 237
   Posted 10/3/2007 8:19 AM (GMT -7)   
I don't know enough about it either. I just feel really weird. I know everyone says that, so let me be more specific.
 
This whole possible depression thing makes me feel angry and self-centered all at the same time. On the one hand it makes me sad that now that I feel like I've been depressed for a long time and am only now figuring out solutions, I feel like I missed out on an entire childhood. I also feel self-centered because why should my "problems" matter? Ignoring the latter fear and in the interest of figuring out what the heck is going on in my body, I am going to self-indulge and allow myself to complain about the former item. I'm tired all the time. Just now, for example, I was really excited to get a head start on some ASL homework. We have to watch these video lecture things and then write answers to questions. I got about two minutes into the video and just had the urge* to put my head down. I'm not sleepy, just really fatigued. I know my diet probably sucks, but it's college and there's nothing I can do about it. My diet has changed drastically (I lived at home with good food, was a camp counselor and ate weird food, and now I'm back at college) and my symptoms have been stable so I don't think it's a diet thing. The * was because I had the same impulse the other day during class. I wasn't tired, I don't think. I just started to feel really woozy I guess you would say and putting my head down and watching/paying attention to the lecture sideways seemed to help.
 
I don't know what to do. I have an appointment with the nurse practioner on the 11th to talk about what drugs I'm considering but I have no idea where to start...
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