Saddness has turned to ANGER and I need to VENT!!!!

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Aurora60
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 10/1/2007 3:34 PM (GMT -7)   
I need to talk about my son and his girlfriend again.  She sent him a card telling him how much she loves him and that being away at school is helping her and she is learning to become the person she wants to be so their relationship will get back on track and they can be together.  In the meantime she has gone out to lunch and cooked dinner for the doofus upstairs who paid her some attention.  I don't get how you can make all these plans for marriage, talk about having children together, planning their names, hoping to get engaged in 11/2 yrs but still want to date someone else!! She says she is sooo in love with my son.  I think she is really unstable and he needs to proceed with real caution before they get back together.  She is coming to visit him Oct. 18 for 4 days and they will talk about where things are at that time.  She says it would hurt her so much if her were to date other girls. Well, what is she doing?  It's not supposed to hurt him that she wants to date?  The past couple of weeks he has gone out with friends and met several girls who were quite interested in him but he feels he is not ready to go out on dates yet and I can understand that.  I am supporting him and trying to help but it is so hard to see him sobbing and so upset over this.  I am just so angry at her I wish I could just take her and shake her.  I wish I could email her and tell her what a tramp I think she is and that her behavior is terrible.  I would never do that but it is how I feel right now.  She doesn't realize what a great guy she has.  These are not immature kids - she is 25 and he is 28.  I saw my therapist today so that helped but I am still so angry at her.  Any suggestions on how to vent my anger would be appreciated.  I took the head off a telemarketer that called.  I know that's not good but I need to release my anger!

bionca
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 10/1/2007 6:12 PM (GMT -7)   
It's not easy being the mom sometimes. Trust me I know. This is what I've learned. Both of my kids have picked some real winners from time to time. If I let my true feelings be known, it just seems to draw them closer to the one I despise. Usually, if I let time run its course, they break up with whoever and life goes on. Also, as painful as it may be, we can't pick who our children want to be with. This girl is gonna drive you crazy if you let her and the sad part is - you can't do anything about her, only your son can. Just try to keep breathing and I think in time your son will figure it out for himself. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, Epstein-Barr virus, and severe depression. Have been on Prozac, cylexa, Effexor, and Wellbutrin. Currently, I am prescription free and doing well.


djdaz_1985
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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 10/2/2007 2:17 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi there,

I dont want to put the cat among the pigeons here, but do you KNOW she is cheating? Cooking dinner for "the doofus" (I love that word btw... I must remember it!) upstairs might just be her way of making a friend that she can be honest with. If she is cheating, then she has no right to if she is still in the relationship wiht your son. (Whether it is a long distance relationship or not makes no difference). I can understand your sons hurt and anguish. As for anger release, I would go to the gym and work up a sweat. Wear yourself out so that you dont have the energy to be angry. (Thats my personal choice anyway!)

Please keep talking and dont bottle this up

Darren

P.S I think a telemarketer is the person that comes to your door and tries to sell you stuff right? (What we call Phone Salesmen) If so, then they deserve all they get! tongue   I always get the annoying ones.


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Another Day
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 10/2/2007 1:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Aurora,
 
First I have to say to Darren that I have never heard, "the cat among the pigeons."
 
I think you need to do your venting with us or like Darren says get out and exercise, go for a nice long walk.  But, you have to stay out of the middle of it.  I know it is so very hard for a parent to do.  But, if the relationship isn't the right one for your son, the more you stay involved, the longer he will stay involved.  It just somehow works that way.  My youngest daughter was in a relationship with a guy for several years who was abusive.  I had to find this out from her friends.  My daughter wouldn't tell me, yet she stayed with him.  It didn't happen often, but hitting my daughter at all or emotionally abusing my daughter was too much for me.  Believe me, I wanted to kill him.
 
His mother and I did go to the same hair salon at that time and she was the post master and thought she was something special.  My daughter also used my hairdresser and my hairdresser had seen them out in public together and how the boyfriend acted.  So, I just always made a point of talking to my hairdresser so everyone else could hear about how Dee was mistreating Tracie and that I didn't know what to do about it.  Of course in no time his mother heard about it and was very upset with me for spreading lies about her son.  I think she was thinking along the lines of a lawsuit until she talked to her son and a few of his friends.  She never called me.  Before long, their relationship began to unravel and she met her now husband.
 
But, I can tell you trying to pretend to be nice to him was the hardest thing I ever had to do when I really wanted to hit him over the head with something.  I didn't want to alienate my daughter when I knew she needed me most.
 
Try to stay cool and calm.
 
Take care!
 
Carla
 
 

 Epilepsy, asthma, GERD, depression, hypothyroidism


Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 10/2/2007 5:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the advice Darren and Carla.  I have calmed down quite a bit today so my anger is subsiding. I know I have to stay out of it and let the 2 of them solve their problems.  I realize I am here for support.  And my son is feeling better too.  I was so busy today that I think it helped me to let go.  Also, that poor telemarketer who called me last night sure took a berating from me.  I guess she got most of the anger  I also know that there is not just one person on this earth for just one other person.  If they can't work out their problems then they shouldn't get married.  My son is bright, handsome and successful and there are many girls who would love to be in his life.  I did tell him though that if he decides to marry this girl that they better have some very good marriage counseling before. I also hadn't heard about the cat among the pigeons either Darren, and I am so glad you liked my term "doofus."

Another Day
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 10/2/2007 6:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Aurora,
 
Just don't put the cat among the pigeons and I think everything will be o.k.
 
Carla
 
:-)  

 Epilepsy, asthma, GERD, depression, hypothyroidism


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 10/3/2007 12:47 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Guys,

It never occurred to me that you would never have heard of the phrase... perhaps another British thing.

If you put a cat among a group of pigeons, what happens? --> You cause chaos. When I used the phrase, I meant that perhaps my opinion would be a tad unpopular and would possibly cause a problem... but I do believe in being honest with people.

I hope this clarifies

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
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Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
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Another Day
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 10/3/2007 10:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Darren,
 
I just want to remember the saying so I can use it and my friends will think I have lost my mind again.  :-)    Teach us some more!
 
Take care!
 
Carla
 Epilepsy, asthma, GERD, depression, hypothyroidism

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