I need some advice

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ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 10/13/2007 5:31 AM (GMT -7)   
My son is 17 and is bipolar. I have had to endure many years of bad episodes and was so happy when the doctor finally found the right med.
The past 3 months he has been acting like either the med is not working or he is not taking it. On Monday he called me after having a bad fight with his dad. He was crying,he was in the middle of a panic attack...talking about suicide and telling me how he hates everyone in that house.
Red alert!! I finally got him to tell me that he has not been taking his med. He says it does not help,that it makes him tired.

I talked to his dad,and he has been on him about the med,trying to get him to take it.
I of course have been trying to talk to him. I told him that taking meds are not a bad thing. It does not make you a bad person,I tried the guilt trip..saying that I needed to know he is safe and ok and part of that is taking his med. Nope not gonna do it.

I called his doctor,and he was in on 8-26,and basically convinced her that he does not need to take it. And she wants me to get him in right away. Ok..hmmmm 17,history of violence,compulsive and you take his word for it?? I let her know how upset I was with her.

He respects my brother alot,my brother also takes meds for anxiety,panic attacks and depression (you can see it runs in our family). My brother is going to try to talk to him too.

I am trying to get in touch with his school counselor. He does some volunteer work with her and really likes her. She was on vacation last week..so hopefully Monday she will call me back.

My son is coming here in about 2 hrs, I am nervous because I am afraid we are going to have a meltdown. Quite frankly he weighs 275 lbs, is 6"5...I weigh 120 and am 5"9...therefore if he has an episode there is really nothing I can do to get him to settle down.
My b/f is worried too.

He is a good kid,he is doing great in school,has 2 jobs..but I am worried that the schedule of going to school, and then right to work might be taking it's toll on him.
He is a Senior and I keep telling him that he only has a little bit to go..and then he can go to college. Now he is saying he doesn't want to go to college..and that breaks my heart.

I need other ideas to convince him to take his med......
I am just so frustrated because I have done so much to try to get him better. And then he just decides to push all of that away. I feel like my hands are tied.

It is so hard being a parent!!!


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

www.healingwell.com/donate



How can you talk without a brain?

I dunno...but alot of people talk without a brain don't they?

Dorthy and the Scarecrow-Wizard of Oz

Post Edited (ShynSassy) : 10/13/2007 6:43:23 AM (GMT-6)


andrew1948
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 97
   Posted 10/13/2007 5:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Sorry  to hear about your problem with your son. I think you do need to try to get someone else to intervene. If you can get school counselor, your pastor  or someone other than family member to talk with him might get through to him the importance of taking his meds.
 
Good luck and keep us advised.
successful with herbal, vitamins and minerals


djdaz_1985
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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 10/13/2007 8:17 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey Shy,

Its so difficult because although you know you are doing the best thing for him, he just cant see it. I think an independent person is the key here. He may listen to someone who isnt biased. In terms of going to college, I understand that you want to do your best for him but if he doesnt want to go then I dont see that there is a lot you can do. Perhaps if he was to get beack on the meds and make a decision it would be better because he would be thinking with a clear head. As for him kicking off tonight, just stand back. Please do not risk yourself as I think you are likely to come off worse and then he will still carry on. I know its hard but I am thinking of you!!

Darren
Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
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Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
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Another Day
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 10/13/2007 10:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Shy,
 
I hope your meeting with your son went well.  I have a good friend with an adult son who is bipolar who pretty much stays on his medication, but went off of it recently when he was several states away.  Of course, she was a wreck until he got back home and got stabilized.  I've had other friends with bipolar children over the years, usually sons.  I somewhat understand how difficult it must be.  It seems so many bipolar patients tend to go off their medication from time to time and they are usually very artistic people.  That's why my friend's son went off his medication this last time.  He plays in a band and they were playing down in Florida and he wanted to "really" get into his music and felt he could do that better without his medication.  He ended up in pretty bad shape.
 
You and your son will be in my prayers.
 
Carla

 Epilepsy, asthma, GERD, depression, hypothyroidism


SophiaBella
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 150
   Posted 10/14/2007 12:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Shy,
Wow, it is nice to be able to give some support for a change!  I wish it were not for your particular problem though.  My daughter, bi-polar and anxiety disorders too, and my husband who died, was was also bi-polar.  I read your situation and turned and asked my daughter why, why! why do they always seem to just go off the meds, and she gave a pretty good answer for your situation.  Two things, they hate the fact that they do not have "control" without taking a stupid pill.  My daughter who is going through hell because of my husbands death, has found grounding in her life by getting into her school work, and she is a straight A student, and does it all over the internet.  She will be a psych major, and has always been able to figure things out about people, including herself, it is a true gift,  One thing that does help her sometimes is the fact that Einstein was also bi-polar, and that is a fact that really nobody seems to care about.  I think, and so does she that it does effect special people, who are like the other person said, artistic, or genius.  Thier brains are wired differently. It also helps to know that based on the statistics, as far as just depression goes, in the US more that 70% of our population is on some form of medication for mental illness.  Doctors, lawyers , judges, it effects a lot of people.  Bi polar of course are the special ones.  Not your common everyday boring clinically depressed person.   
 
HOW LONG HAS HE BEEN ON THIS MED????  It actually may make him tired, and he may actually not like feeling tired all the time.  My daughter and husband had to switch medications from time to time because they build up a tollerance.  Plus I am suprised to hear he is on just 1 medication?  My husband needed several, and same with my daughter.  One medication for the depression, one for the ADHD that went undiagnosed for my husband his entire life until he met me, and when  he had given up on all the meds when I had met him, (he was bi-polar 2) he even let himself be a guinea pig for some company before I met him,and still nothing worked.  Then it was the combination of several that worked.  So far I have named 2, (my daughter tested negative for add or adhd) then the anti psychicotic med, and finally lithum for the husband.  It took all of those to be okay.  My daughter is on anti-depressant, anti psychiotic, and xanax for the severe anxiety, which is really bad right now because of her step dad.  My husband was never violent, he didnt have a violent bone in his body, but my daughter is. 

Perhaps another med needs to be added like adderal or something.  I only say adderall (sorry about all the spelling errors) but they give adderall to chronic fatigue patients.  But as you know, you are working with a different kind of brain. They may have some other ideas to help him with his fatigue.
 
He needs to know that he is a normal human being, who has a disease, just like diabetes.  He probably has it because he is very very smart or artistic, unlike the rest of us boring people.  He is gifted, sometimes being gifted comes with some draw backs like what he is going through.  If he is saying he is tired, find a new med, or add one so he isnt.  Try not to dismiss how he is feeling.  Dont be discouraged about college, he  is not on his meds mom, so he isnt being rational.
 
It is such a hard road being a parent.  My heart goes out to you honey, it is hard to be afraid of your own child.  I know the impending doom stomach you have before he got there too.  You walk on egg shells.  You want so badly for him to listen, but dont forget to listen to what he is saying too.  Tell him that you can always tell when he is off his meds, he is not the fun person, the talented or outgoing person he should be.  The pills do not make him weak, they make him stronger as a person, just valididate his being tired and work WITH him, and not against.
 
I hope tonite went okay.  I hope I was of some help to you, I am so very tired of feeling useless.  Let me know how is goes sweets!
 
Many hugs to you, and thanks for letting me come back after going a little crazy myself!
 
Sophiabella 
My diseases are as follows: Fibromyalgia, Myofascial Pain Disease, Diabetic II, 3 herniated discs in my neck, 3 bulging discs mid back, arthritis mid back, clinical depression,major grieving the loss of a loved one,  anxiety disorder,hypertention, chronic fatigue, resless leg syndrome, high cholesterol, repeated broken tailbone that has healed, but created a nerve pain when I stand more than 4 minutes & cramps up so have to lay down.  Diabetic neurapathy, (I used to have pain that radiated from my tailbone to my sciatica and down my legs that felt like bones where frozen cold, but have had no leg pain since I started taking Lyrica a month ago!) OH YES, DONT FORGET BAD SPELLING SYNDROME THAT COMES WITH MY FIBRO FOG.....HAHAHAHA
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CoCogirl
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 10/14/2007 8:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi to everyone! I am new to this forum and it helps sooo much knowing that there are people out there who feel as I do. I am curious about bipolar being dx in kids?? My ex has it and both my kids are on meds for ADHD but although I believe it is my sons issue (age 16) I think sometimes my daughter is bipolar. She recently turned 11, doesn't have period yet (although I swear it is coming!) she has always exhibited mood swings where I can't even get through to her. She goes "crazy" screaming, cursing, saying she hates me, ranting,raving ect....and then it leaves and she says to me "I couldn't control it" she used to do this as a baby....screaming in her crib and couldn't be consoled. It was sooo awful I could do nothing to stop it, I used to feel like leaving the house! I used to put a pillow over my head until it stopped. I have talked to therapist about it and ped. dr. but they just stare at me with a smile and say "she is acting out" "temper tantrum" but I lately feel in my heart that it is more. She is smart, artistic, but does not make and keep friends. She prefers to be with me and the few friends I have encouraged she alienates but being so mean to them. Help!!! Can you see signs at such an early age????   

Another Day
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 10/14/2007 1:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Shy,
 
Just checking in on you.  It sounds like S'bella knows a whole lot about what you are going through.  I hope things are going well.
 
Prayers,
 
Carla

 Epilepsy, asthma, GERD, depression, hypothyroidism


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/15/2007 12:13 AM (GMT -7)   

Dear Shy,

As a mother of a bipolar son, you have  spent great periods of time on pins and needles waiting for the next event — an event that can be triggered by the depressed state of the disorder or by the manic. You’re left wondering how your sweet innocent two-year old grew up to be such a challenging individual, one that you may actually fear at times. You wonder what went wrong and when; you wonder what you may have done to contribute. You wonder why they were chosen to bear the bipolar burden.

I want to reinforce with you that you are doing the very best you can, you are a wonderful advocate and yes a 6'5" boy is a full grown man.  How do you get him to take meds?  That is a huge issue with the people with this illness.  I hope that your son will get the help he needs and will become compliant with his meds.

My prayers are with you Shy, you are a wonderful person and I would love to see you have some peace in your life.

Many hugs

Kitt

 


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
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_____________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter

 


Dark
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 10/15/2007 12:35 AM (GMT -7)   

Thinking of you

 (((((((hug))))))))

Dark

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 10/15/2007 5:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Everyone
Thank you for the kind words and advice.
The weekend actually went great..he is still refusing to take the meds. I talked until I was blue in the face.
My brother is trying to get him to go to his house so they can talk face to face,and I have a call into his school counselor.

I know this weekend went good because he was doing everything he could to make sure it did,that way he feels he "proved" that he does not need the med.
What he forgets (and what I gently reminded him) was that the episodes do not come everyday..

I am going to keep this going and hopefully he will give in.


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

www.healingwell.com/donate



How can you talk without a brain?

I dunno...but alot of people talk without a brain don't they?

Dorthy and the Scarecrow-Wizard of Oz


SophiaBella
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 150
   Posted 10/15/2007 10:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Dearest Shy,
I am so glad your time was spent well, and I am sure you are totally relieved that nothing went terribly wrong.  Please re-read my post, it really has some good adice, I really have been there.  No nagging, it wont help.  Of course I dont know your son personally, but I know that disease.  If you want to hear more, maybe try on the bi-polar posts too.
You are always there to help me, even when I slipped off he deep end, and I would love to be there for you, any time.
Just try and read back to what was said, since the temporary storm has passed and perhaps some of it can sink in!HUGS!!!!
sophiabella

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/16/2007 4:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Thinking about you Shy and your son
In my heart and prayers

Luvs
LYN
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ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 10/16/2007 4:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sophia
I did reread your post,I had to skim through it the first time because I was trying to get through the rest of the posts (as usual making sure everyone else is ok first)
I am taking alot of your advice,and thank you for taking the time out of your grief to respond to me.

Cat,thank you too..you are a sweetie.


(((((((hugs)))))

Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

www.healingwell.com/donate



How can you talk without a brain?

I dunno...but alot of people talk without a brain don't they?

Dorthy and the Scarecrow-Wizard of Oz


Another Day
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 1055
   Posted 10/16/2007 8:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Shy,
 
May I give you a little advice?  Let some of the other moderators cover for you for a few days and you focus on you and your son.  Right now, you need to take care of your son and yourself.  S'bella has some good advice.  We are all here for you.  We want you to take good care of yourself so you can come back to us.
 
We love you!
 
Carla

 Epilepsy, asthma, GERD, depression, hypothyroidism


SophiaBella
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 150
   Posted 10/16/2007 10:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Shy,
I hope all goes okay for you, being a parent does not end even when you are old and gray. Thanks for at least listening to my advice. I hope whatever route you choose to take, that things work out for you sweetie, you deserve it, and your son certainly deserves to be happy and I hope he is open to some sort of advice from you or who ever, he doesnt deserve the hand he was dealt, he deserves happiness too. When you see him again, give him a hug from me, dont tell him who it is from, just send my love to him, okay. I hate to see people suffer when it is not their fault. Life is sure not fair.
Best of luck to you sweetie!
Sophiabella


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 10/17/2007 1:45 AM (GMT -7)   

Carla is right Shy... Take a few days away from HW and everything and recharge your batteries. I can handle Depression by myself for a few days. Kitt, Olivia and Elisha are usually around anyway if things went pear-shaped. Have some you-time... it sounds like you need it.

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 10/17/2007 3:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi guys

Thanks for your concern,but my son is at school and working so all I can do is the wait game until my brother talks to him,and his school counselor.


I am here


Shy
Mod- Depression

Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia
Meds I have taken throughout the years:Wellbutrin,Tranxene,Paxil,Prozac,Valium,
Lexapro,Zyban,Buspar,Clonazepam

Have been med free for 2 years now.

www.healingwell.com/donate



How can you talk without a brain?

I dunno...but alot of people talk without a brain don't they?

Dorthy and the Scarecrow-Wizard of Oz

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