Don't feel I can ever progress

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mynameis
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 45
   Posted 10/15/2007 8:07 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm 19, nearly 20, and I feel I have missed out on so much that other people my age do and have achieved. My mother had a painful couple of years struggling with cancer and then died when I was 15. That was when the dark times properly started. Since then it feels like my quality of life has deteriorated and lost all direction. I went to university for a couple of months and ended up leaving because I was so anxious and depressed and would spend my days crying in bed with the curtains shut; I just couldn't cope with such a massive change. and that was when I knew it was all too much. I briefly had a job this year but now I'm unemployed and feel so worthless. I can't even pass my driving test...I now have my fourth attempt coming up and I have no confidence whatsoever in passing, it will just be more wasted money no doubt. I have no friends here and my relationship with my dad is so rocky, he causes me a lot of stress and anxiety. He has health problems and I'm registered as his full-time carer, which is such hard work and something I get little appreciation for.


I have a lovely boyfriend who is about the only thing which makes me happy, aside from my dog. I worry that one day he'll turn around and tell me he doesn't want to be with me anymore, because that would just be typical of my life. I just wish so much that I could have a stable life and some direction. At the age of 15 I had to start taking on a lot more responsibility than other people my age did and it seems to have stayed that way since, I'm just so exhausted with it all. One day I want to go back to university and be successful in something, get my own place like everyone else does. I just don't see how it can ever be possible at this rate. I don't have any motivation to make much of an effort with anything anymore because it just seems to always backfire on me, I've lost all my confidence.



What a mess, but I do feel better for writing all that down.




I am sorry but I had to edit your post due to rule #1 f our forum

1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm). Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.

Post Edited By Moderator (ShynSassy) : 10/15/2007 11:03:17 AM (GMT-6)


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 10/16/2007 3:29 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi there and Welcome to HealingWell!

Im so sorry to hear of all the things you have been through. I can only imagine what it must have been like to lose you mum at 15. My mum is my best friend and I couldnt even imagine life without her. You have achieved so much in your life already. Achievements do not have to be academic... they can simply be living through something. You have managed to get through nearly 5 years without your mum, you got into University, you care for your dad... they are all things that a lot of people in the UK have never done and probably never will. You plan to return to Uni, thats a positive step forward and you are taking your driving test again which is a good sign of your determination. To fail 3 times is not that unusual. I passed my 3rd time but the point is I still felt like I couldnt do it and then I did! There was a woman on the TV who failed 30 times and then passed! If she can do it, im sure you can!

Please keep talking to us... Talking helps

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
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