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Oxany
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 10/27/2007 10:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, I'm not 100% sure I belong here but found myself looking for a site just like this and thought maybe my introducing myself and explaining a bit about why I'm here might be the best way to start.
 
I'm a 40 year old married mother of two young teenagers.  Five years ago my husband was in a car accident and hasn't worked since.  Since then, I've been the sole supporter for my family and because my full time job doesn't quite pay the bills, I've been working 2 jobs off and on for the better part of the last 4 years.  My husband is able to get around but can't do much for any length of time and that includes walking, sitting, standing or sleeping and that has really affected our family big time.
 
My son is 15 1/2 years old and my daughter is 13 1/2 years old...a hard age under normal circumstances, let alone when your whole life has been turned upside down and nothing is the same as it once was.  My daughter seems to be handling everything very well, she's doing well in school, has a couple of good friends and helps out around the house with little complaining.  My son started out handling everything fine too, or so I thought.  In the past few years though he's been having alot of trouble at school and has managed to get mixed up with "the wrong crowd" and has managed to get himself into alot of trouble, including being arrested (the worst of it) by the police....something we are still dealing with to get sorted out.
 
Because of the way the insurance company has handled my husband's case, we ended up challenging their decision to cut off his wage supplement and have been going at for 4 years now.  We are at the point now of waiting to hear a decision on the outcome which will finally enable us to get on with our lives, no matter which way the decision goes...good or bad.
 
Over the past few years I've gone through "down times" where everything looks so discouraging.  Lately though, in the past several months, I've felt this on an almost continuous basis and for the past few weeks have had a very uneasy feeling in my stomach.  I'm alway tired and just want to sleep but when I do sleep I wake up still feeling unrested and not wanting to get out of bed (though so far I've been able to force myself to).  I feel so hopeless, so helpless and quite guilty about the whole situation because it affects my children so much in so many ways.  It seems our lives are falling apart and I can't think of one thing to do in order to build it up again and when I think I do have a solution, I just don't have the drive it takes to accomplish it.  To put it bluntly...I feel like I'm hanging on to the last thread or two of a very long rope and it's getting harder and harder to hold on and I feel like I'm slipping fast!  I've tried talking to my husband about my feelings but each time I either end up in tears and tell him to forget it or he counters what I say with "What do you want me to do about it?"  I know there is nothing he can do about it because he is just unable to work and help out financially but I can't keep holding everything in all the time or I feel like I'm going to fizzle out.
 
I've probably babbled on too much in this post and even with everything I've said, there is so much more to it all.  Maybe I'm at the wrong place and if I am, maybe someone can direct me somewhere else, but from the few posts I read, this seemed like the place I should be.  I know there is no easy solution and I don't think that someone is going to come along and solve all my problems and make me the person I used to be, but I hoping at the very least this could be a place I could meet some new friends, perhaps in similar situations who understands and doesn't mind listening.  I also am a great listener for any of those friends who need to talk over things in their lives as well.
 
I better sign off for now....thanks for listening.

Oxany
"It is what it is..."


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 10/28/2007 4:47 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi there and Welcome to HealingWell.

I think you are in the right place and we will help to support you in anyway we can. To a certain degree, your kids sound fairly 'normal'. Me and my sister were about the same in age difference. I was always quite good and my sister was a rebel, so I think some of it is to be expected. Can you get any help from the state for your household? In terms of your down days... it definately sounds like it warrents seeing a doctor about it... if nothing else, they shoul;d be able to help you in terms of showing you where to go next.

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


faithfully4you
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 870
   Posted 10/28/2007 8:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Oxany~
welcome to our forum, this a wonderful place for support and advice.
 
First let me say that you are a hell of a woman for handling things the way you do.  It would not surprise me that you have experienced depression.  I could not imagine doing what you do!!!!
 
You are an extremely strong woman and you should be proud of what you have done for this family!!!
 
I think a support group and counseling maybe just what you need.  It doesnt sound like you have chemical depression but more of a situational which is much better than some depression.
 
I personally can say that I am envious of your strength and sense of responsibility!!
 
God bless you.


Teresa
 
 The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. Let us move forward with strong and active faith.


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/28/2007 5:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Oxany
Hello and Welcome to Healing Well, I am Kitt. You are in the right place if your looking for some of the most wonderful and caring people on the net.  The members here know where your coming from and what your going through.
 
We all have one thing in common, we need each other and we need caring and support, a place of our own where we can just talk and no on will judge us. Please do not feel guilty, guilt is a wasted emotion.
 
You have held down the fort at home for along time and you have done a tremendous job but you are just getting tired and yes depressed about the whole thing. You have a right to feel this way, you have been doing the job of 2 peple for along time. 
 
I am sure that you have lost your dream of what you hoped your life would be and now your trying to figure out just where your headed.
 
May I suggest that you make an appointment with your physician and tell him how you feel physically.  Just get yourself a good check up and let your Doctor know how your feling mentally too.
Reach out and ask for help, you have to take the time to take care of you.
 
Keep posting to us and we will do our very best to help you through your situation.  You have taken one huge step in putting your trust in us and we will not let you down.  Take our hand, we are here for you.
 
Gentle Hugs
Kitt
 
 
 
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*
******www.healingwell.com/donate***
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Oxany
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 10/30/2007 7:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Wow, I have to say that I never for a minute expected such a response from my posting and want to say thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply and give me such encouraging words!
 
I can't take long at the moment to reply as I'm at work and realized that I had not checked back since posting so thought I should do at least that.  Then saw the replies and had to at least say thanks!  I'll be back this evening with a better reply....hugs to Darren, Teresa and Kitt for your words, they mean alot!
 
Oxany
Oxany
"It is what it is..."


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 10/30/2007 9:01 AM (GMT -7)   

Oxany

I am glad we are here for you so please  know that you are a member of a wonderful family here at Healing Well.

We all need one another so keep on posting and try not to work to hard today. :)

Kitt


 
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*
******www.healingwell.com/donate***
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Oxany
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 10/30/2007 5:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks again Kitt.  One thing about my job is that it's busy enough that it keeps my mind off other things and I actually feel like I'm normal there!  I talk to co-workers about things concerning work, joke around a little bit and just enjoy the fact that the job I'm doing is making a difference and helping people out....a feeling I don't get at home, even though I know I am helping out there too.  Don't get me wrong though, it's not that what I do at home goes unnoticed because my husband is always saying we couldn't and he couldn't do it if I wasn't doing everything I'm doing and I know the kids appreciate it as well...they don't say it as often, but heck they are kids after all and they don't realize and acknowledge things like adult do.
 
I already do feel as though I belong here and am welcomed here, thanks to the replies I recieved to my post.  And I can tell the people here care and want to help others out, just by the few posts I have read from others and all the encouraging and understanding words I see in replies.  I only hope that I can return the favour and help out others as well.  I will keep posting and hope I can keep getting here regular but sometimes my work schedules demand alot and I may not get here on a daily basis....well between working and dealing with things and how I'm feeling. 
 
So, I don't know where to go from here.  I don't want to dwell on my problems and either bore everyone here or have people tire of reading my posts and problems.  So maybe I'll have a better look around, see what the chat rooms are like and who knows, maybe I can even offer a few kind and helpful words!
 
Oh yeah, I wanted to reply to a few things you guys offered and said in your replies too.  I have been thinking about going and seeing my doctor and telling him of how I'm feeling, but I'm still working on that one.  Somewhere on a post here I read how the person was so great at hiding how they felt and basically put on a show to hide everything...well that's me too, and I have to make myself realize that admitting I need help is not a bad thing...I tend to shy away from that.
 
I think it was Teresa that commented on how strong I've been through all of this and how I've handled everything.  Those are words I have heard from one or two friends but I don't see me that way.   I'm just doing what needs to be done and I feel good when I do it but when I get to feeling down that's when I feel like I'm being weak and feeling that I just can't do it or that I'm just not doing enough.  I thank you for the kind words Teresa and I will try and see that side of things more often.
 
Darren, I'm in Canada (so it's Provinces not States   lol) and I don't know how things work in the USA but programs like what I think you are referring to don't seem to be as common up here.  I have talked to Social Assistant (Welfare) for just financial help when it comes to something like back to school expenses for the kids but they won't help unless you are fully on Welfare (does that make sense to you?)  We've managed to get on the list for food hampers at Christmas time so that helps out somewhat at Christmas time, but other than that, there really isn't much offered in the financial areas.  It's funny (not really, but you know what I mean) that as bad off as we are financially, when you finally swallow your pride and apply for assistance in a program, how they turn around and tell you that you make too much money!  What????  Oh well....that's life I guess.
 
Anyways...enough about me.  I'm off to see more of the site for now....thanks again for the wonderful welcome!
 
Oxany
Oxany
"It is what it is..."


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 10/31/2007 9:01 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi there,

I might have got you a bit confused. By 'the state' I mean the government. (It might be a funny phrase we use in the UK... there seems to be a lot of them at the moment! lol) It seems a shame that there is no / little financial aid being offered to you in your province. I completely understand what you mean when they say you earn too much... I never worked out how they decide how much is too much! lol. I hope you get to see your doctor soon.

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
Co-Moderator - Depression Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 

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